Case of the Mondays

by M. Lizabeth Currain

Sorry I didn’t post yesterday. I know all of you were super disappointed that there wasn’t anything for you to read before you went to bed last night or when you woke up this morning. I was kind of sidetracked by the 83rd Academy Awards. And by sidetracked, I mean, I couldn’t blog and watch a bootleg stream of the ceremony on my computer at the same time. Seriously guys, I don’t have even the most basic tv channels. It hurts, because I love television. Luckily, most of the stuff I watch is put online the next day, but then they pull crap like the Oscar’s and what’s a girl to do? I’ll tell you what a girl can do! She can go to some place like Ustream or and find the broadcast that is going to be least likely to be shut down for copyright violations! After the first two got shut down, I found one being streamed from a Spanish station broadcast. So it was in English, but there were a group of Spanish commentators during the commercials, talking about, who knows what, because I don’t really understand Spanish. During the ceremony, they were translating everything into Spanish over the English broadcast. It was interesting, unlike the actual awards ceremony. I love me some James Franco, but even he couldn’t save that snooze fest. They are SO LONG! They need to do a condensed version where they just hand out the awards without all the pomp and circumstance and lame Oscar tidbits that no one really gives two shits about. JUST GIVE OUT THE  DAMN AWARDS! Some of us have to get up early on Monday morning!

Monday is one of my early days and my longest. 7am does not agree with me. I intern in an archive from 9-5 and then I have class from 6:30-9pm. So that means rush hour in the morning. And not only is it people going to work, it’s kids going to school. Teens are the worst! They walk so slow and in huge groups. It’s obnoxious. I have ZERO patience anyways, but in the morning we are talking negative numbers. And it was drizzling and windy. Why must people who use GIANT umbrellas carry them like they are about to pass a baton in a relay when they are not in use? I mean, there are people walking both in front and behind you. And you are swinging your arms as you walk. It’s dangerous! The lack of self awareness that the majority of people have is baffling.

Then when I was on the train this evening going to class, this group of foreign ‘tween girls got on the train. There must have been at least 10 of them. It would not have been so bad, had they not DELAYED the train by holding the doors several times and then hitting pretty much every person on the train with their bags. Then with the shouting to each other! You’re in a subway car! The distance between you and your friend, does not warrant shouting. One sat down next to me and her friend sat on top of her lap. ::barf:: Then their other friend was taking pictures of them, so the girl sitting on the lap kept leaning backwards and hitting me with hair. She turned around to look at me and I gave her a look. For those of you who don’t know me, it’s certainly not a look that you want me to be giving you. She turned right around and scooted to the other side of her friends lap. I feel like shouting “I HAVE THE POWER!”

Actually, I just needed an excuse to post a picture of Dolph Lundgren

Then class. Ugh. This particular class is pretty painful. It’s not even the class, it’s the people in the class. Especially this one girl. She has severe case of know-it-all-itis. The only problem is, is that I don’t want to hear anything she knows! And she talks in a toddler voice. She’s also a brown-noser. Every time she talks, I just want to throw something at her! Our professor mentioned a Coca-Cola and she proceeded to give us the history on it, because she went to college in Atlanta. I just can’t. It’s too much. There’s also a boy who is constantly checking out his reflection and fixing his hair in the window. EVERY CLASS. And he gets this look on his face, like he is so pleased with himself. He’s another one I want to throw something at!

Then on the train home, a hipster girl was wearing black velvet leggings! And an 80’s asymmetrical green suede cropped jacket with gold buttons. And a shirt with flowers and glitter! And she had a gold grille on her top teeth. You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. We’ve got some serious jack asses roaming the streets people.

Monday’s are the worst.

Yeah, I’m judgey. That’s what makes me so much better than everyone else!