Ugh, maybe someday I’ll get the hang of updating

by M. Lizabeth Currain

Look kids, I’m back. By kids I mean, the people that stumble on to this blog after Googling ‘Jocelyn Wildenstein‘ or ‘half ton teen‘. I know you’ve all been hitting refresh on this here blog since March and your day has finally arrived! I promise this time–I say this every time–I am going to be better about this. I turned 26 a couple of weeks ago and I am in serious need of something fulfilling in my life right now, so maybe writing on a blog that 2 people a week read, can be it. I’ve got to make this work dammit. Honestly, I should be a lot more popular Internet-wise, than I currently am–which is not at all. Get on that and make that happen for me, people of the Internet. People should be hanging on my every word because, every. word. I. say. is. so. god. damn. amazing.

So where did we leave off? I think I was lamenting my internet dating life. Well folks, I disabled my OkCupid profile. Yes, you heard me correctly. Disabled. That’s not the same as delete, so don’t get so fucking excited. I don’t go trolling for dudes on it anymore, so I didn’t really want anyone messaging me or laughing at my profile in the cold, dark, silence of their parent’s basement–so I turned it off. Meaning, people can’t see my profile; it’s as if it’s been deleted! However, I am also realistic and can see my inevitable return to the dumpster that is OkC, so if I ever log back onto the site, it reappears, as if I had been there all along! Saves me the trouble of coming up with a new screen name. I am nothing, if not a realist.

Other than that…I finally watched The Wire. Can I just go on record saying that it’s probably one of, if not the greatest show ever? It’s just so good! When I was in Massachusetts visiting my brother, I saw the actor Jim True-Frost who played Roland Pryzbylewski. I think I spooked him, because I might have emitted a high-pitched squeal when I saw him. I love celebrity sitings!

Now, I don’t want to blow my load on my first post back in months, but just so you all know, I have some gems stored up. They are just waiting to be shot onto the face of the internet. Gross! Tell your friends I sometimes write about loads being blown, I need all the readers I can get. I’m not going to be as picky about this as I am about the guys I go on dates with.

This 26th year of me being alive could possibly be the best thing that’s happened to this blog in a while. It’s quarter-life crisis time! Well, if I plan on living past 100. I’ve changed the look of the blog–yet again. I like this one. I don’t feel as though my eyes are being attacked. Also, to try and update more, there might be less “life-focused” pieces and there may be some weird exercises in fictional writing. I haven’t really decided yet. But I seriously need a creative outlet. Crafting can get to be really expensive and sometimes I think I’m not creative enough for that and I give up when things don’t turn out right. Also, as much as I want it to be, NetFlix is not a creative outlet. I’ve tried so hard to make it one, but it’s just not working. For those of you who are worried that the tone of this whole thing will change–slow your roll. Changing my tone would be like asking the Earth not to rotate around it’s axis. It just cannot be done.

So before I leave ya’ll biting your nails until the next time, I thought I would share this story because it basically happened like two hours ago. Right now, I’m a work. Working hard obviously. It’s a graduate assistant job–it’s not real work, people. Occasionally the phone will ring and I will answer it, prepared to ask someone, “Did you check the website”? Well, a woman called, asking about the location of a class she is taking in the fall, since it is off-campus. No big deal. I tell her where her class is, have a nice day, etc.  About an hour later she calls back, “Hi, this is so and so, and I just called asking about where a class is located, and are you the person I spoke with before”? Yes. “Well, after I hung up with you my phone wasn’t working properly and I was just wondering if you hung up your phone correctly or if you did something else”? Um, we just have a regular phone here and I just hung it up. Sorry. “Well, okay then”. And I hang up, correctly, again. UH???? How does any of that make any sense?! I don’t understand how me hanging up my phone wrong (which might be impossible) would affect how her phone works. She probably has an iPhone or an Android that she doesn’t know how to use properly and probably pressed hold instead of hanging up. I don’t get it. I love being blamed an hour later for OPP (Other People’s PROBLEMS). Also, self-sufficiency has really hit an all time low. I’m always getting calls or emails about things that are very easy to find out, if you search for it. If you had the energy to search for the phone number or the email, chances are, you’d probably be able to find out that other information that you needed. I am going to be a terrible librarian once I graduate. I have no time for people’s foolishness! Or the masturbatory habits of public library users.

Check back soon for more! And bring friends!