Another exciting Friday night

by M. Lizabeth Currain

Could you sense the sarcasm in that title? Well, in case you couldn’t–it’s dripping with it.

Nothing is going on. Or if there is something going on, I certainly wasn’t invited to it. Assholes. I’m still a little bummed that my BFF left a few days ago. It was nice having someone around that just gets you. I’m also bummed that the guy I was crushin’ on in a major way never text me back. This is my life. Highs and lows. It’s also depressing that I let a guy not texting me, affect my mood. I mean, I’m 26. I’m too old to let that kind of stuff dictate my mood! Or am I? I don’t know. But I just keep telling myself, “his loss”. Deep down I know it’s true. Because I am amazing. I’m probably just too amazing for most guys. Oh well, I guess that is the cross I must bear.

As I mentioned yesterday, I’m back on the prowl over at OkCupid. Pickins’ are slim. And why must OkC continually try to match with all these whack, unattractive dudes? Why can’t I just meet someone in real life?! What has this world come to? We are this close to ending up back in a Yahoo! chat room asking for ‘a/s/l’; and that is not referring to American Sign Language.

Here was the first message I received when I made the mistake of logging back in:

hello there missy how are you? Geez can you be anymore ridiculously stunning with that cute face and short hair?! And how do you sleep with those gorgeous big eyeballs? =/

First of all ‘missy’? Reallllly? That’s how you’re going to start this whole thing off? Second, I don’t really like the word ‘cute’ when it’s being used to refer to my face. I’m a grown woman. I am not a puppy, a kitten, or a baby. Third, the “how do you sleep…big eyeballs” part was just so, so stupid. How do you think I sleep, jackass? Good lord. I was tempted to write him back and say that I take them out at night and put them in a glass jar on my dresser. Somehow, I think the humor would have been lost on him.

I know, I know. Ya’ll are probably thinking I am super judge-y about this. You’re right. But I have reason to be: as stated above, I am amazing. Plenty of gay guys and straight girls I know will back me up on this. I will not settle for jackals and their jackalery.

I really need to focus my pent up rage and energy into something productive. Time to get out those running shoes again.