Oh, dear me!

by M. Lizabeth Currain

I shouldn’t go to happy hour. Three margaritas and I am done for!

Today was a funny day…especially with this OkCupid message I received:

“All my life I’ve been looking
To meet someone like you
Beautiful, smart and unique
I know this much is true
You’re a perfect ten
Someone l’d like to know
So please send me a reply
And on a fun date we’ll go
Maybe we’ll find in each other
What we both desire
But we won’t know til we take the first step

The best part is…he apparently has a joint profile with his ventriloquist dummy! I wish I were kidding! I wish I could post a picture of him and his dummy “Philo”, but I can’t, because that would be mean. However, this is sort of what his dummy looks like:


A what now?!


In his profile, his dummy makes a “no fat chicks” joke! We are only a 18% match and a 34% friend match! This does not bode well for our future. Also, the profile is a shared profile for this kid and his dummy. Which is realllllllllyyyyyy awkward. I mean, what if I were to go on a date with him? Who would be the 3rd wheel? Me or Philo?

In one of his pictures on his profile, the actual human being is wearing a mock-neck:

It’s even this color!


and a blazer while posing with his dummy! In another picture, he and his dummy have the same striped polo shirt on. It’s is frightening.

I wish I could post a picture of this kid. Honestly, he looks like someone who would murder me on our first date and turn my corpse into a meat puppet.

Maybe it’s time to distance myself from OkCupid.