Oh, dear me!

by M. Lizabeth Currain

I shouldn’t go to happy hour. Three margaritas and I am done for!

Today was a funny day…especially with this OkCupid message I received:

“All my life I’ve been looking
To meet someone like you
Beautiful, smart and unique
I know this much is true
You’re a perfect ten
Someone l’d like to know
So please send me a reply
And on a fun date we’ll go
Maybe we’ll find in each other
What we both desire
But we won’t know til we take the first step
???”

The best part is…he apparently has a joint profile with his ventriloquist dummy! I wish I were kidding! I wish I could post a picture of him and his dummy “Philo”, but I can’t, because that would be mean. However, this is sort of what his dummy looks like:

 

A what now?!

 

In his profile, his dummy makes a “no fat chicks” joke! We are only a 18% match and a 34% friend match! This does not bode well for our future. Also, the profile is a shared profile for this kid and his dummy. Which is realllllllllyyyyyy awkward. I mean, what if I were to go on a date with him? Who would be the 3rd wheel? Me or Philo?

In one of his pictures on his profile, the actual human being is wearing a mock-neck:

It’s even this color!

 

and a blazer while posing with his dummy! In another picture, he and his dummy have the same striped polo shirt on. It’s is frightening.

I wish I could post a picture of this kid. Honestly, he looks like someone who would murder me on our first date and turn my corpse into a meat puppet.

Maybe it’s time to distance myself from OkCupid.