Favorite Thing: Spam Comments

by M. Lizabeth Currain

Sometimes I like to check out what’s been building up in ye olde spam comment box. I am never disappointed.

Like this for example:

“CARROT BOY PETER PAN HARRYS BUM , LIAMS BODY ZAYNS EYES NIALS SMILE COMEONE WHY ARENT THEY STILL TRENDING:(” This was a comment hoping to be posted on a ‘This Week in Searches‘, but obviously did not make it through the spam security guards. After googling a few of these terms, I discovered (Meaghan, P.I.I.) that it was the work of some rabid fans of a U.K. boyband called One Direction, to get these guys trending on Twitter. The fans call themselves “One Directioners”. I know which one direction they are all heading, nowhere, but I’m too kind to say. Apparently these guys finished 3rd on the 7th series of The X-Factor. Good for them!

I found this clip of one of their auditions:

My main reaction was, “what the fuck is this shit?” I mean, one of them has a single bloody tear dripping out of his eye. The other one has bite marks on his neck. Stop trying to Twilight “Total Eclipse of the Heart”! Show some respect to your elders, lads.

Then I watched this video and while I was also laughing, I thought, “hey this isn’t so bad”.

I’m definitely too old to like this shit. But part of me can’t help it! I’m so glad I have 15 year old boys telling me I’m beautiful without makeup and all that jazz, otherwise I’d be lost in this world. And let me just say this: their fans will never be anything compared to Backstreet Boys fans. KTBSPA!

I’m a little sad that now a small part of my brain is occupied with information about One Direction. I can’t get that space back.

This comment is pretty awesome, because it has nothing to do with the post the ‘person’ commented on: “I’d been hunting for some good guidance on bouquets when I came upon this site. You’ve some awesome information here, can i use some of this article on my personal flower blogging site? I would needless to say weblink here to allow folks can read the main post. Appreciate it either way.”

This was meant to be a comment on “Vintage Jonathan Frakes“! Sure you can use that on a personal flower blogging site, although I’m not sure what Jonathan Frakes has to do with bouquets. Maybe his beard has a special power that keeps bouquets alive longer? It makes total sense when you really think about it.

This one is my favorite because it’s spam, but it could also sort of not be…if I don’t think too hard about it. It was meant to be a comment on my first “Favorite Things” post: “Please tell me that youre going to keep this up! Its so great and so important. I cant wait to read far more from you. I just feel like you know so substantially and know how to make people listen to what youve got to say. This weblog is just also cool to be missed. Excellent stuff, really. Please, PLEASE keep it up!”

See?! It’s almost like it could be real and someone just really thinks this blog is super great. I mean, it is great and important. I do know so substantially (whatever that means) and I am pretty good at making people listen to what I have to say. This blog is too cool to be missed! I should just approve this comment so people will think that I am super, totally, so substantially cool, and excellent.

I mean, I am. Now I just need to start spamming other blogs with comments. Really drive the traffic up at old Hilarious and Negative.