Ahmusings

The 98% humorous musings of M. Lizabeth Currain

Month: September, 2011

Favorite Thing: Spam Comments

Sometimes I like to check out what’s been building up in ye olde spam comment box. I am never disappointed.

Like this for example:

“CARROT BOY PETER PAN HARRYS BUM , LIAMS BODY ZAYNS EYES NIALS SMILE COMEONE WHY ARENT THEY STILL TRENDING:(” This was a comment hoping to be posted on a ‘This Week in Searches‘, but obviously did not make it through the spam security guards. After googling a few of these terms, I discovered (Meaghan, P.I.I.) that it was the work of some rabid fans of a U.K. boyband called One Direction, to get these guys trending on Twitter. The fans call themselves “One Directioners”. I know which one direction they are all heading, nowhere, but I’m too kind to say. Apparently these guys finished 3rd on the 7th series of The X-Factor. Good for them!

I found this clip of one of their auditions:

My main reaction was, “what the fuck is this shit?” I mean, one of them has a single bloody tear dripping out of his eye. The other one has bite marks on his neck. Stop trying to Twilight “Total Eclipse of the Heart”! Show some respect to your elders, lads.

Then I watched this video and while I was also laughing, I thought, “hey this isn’t so bad”.

I’m definitely too old to like this shit. But part of me can’t help it! I’m so glad I have 15 year old boys telling me I’m beautiful without makeup and all that jazz, otherwise I’d be lost in this world. And let me just say this: their fans will never be anything compared to Backstreet Boys fans. KTBSPA!

I’m a little sad that now a small part of my brain is occupied with information about One Direction. I can’t get that space back.

This comment is pretty awesome, because it has nothing to do with the post the ‘person’ commented on: “I’d been hunting for some good guidance on bouquets when I came upon this site. You’ve some awesome information here, can i use some of this article on my personal flower blogging site? I would needless to say weblink here to allow folks can read the main post. Appreciate it either way.”

This was meant to be a comment on “Vintage Jonathan Frakes“! Sure you can use that on a personal flower blogging site, although I’m not sure what Jonathan Frakes has to do with bouquets. Maybe his beard has a special power that keeps bouquets alive longer? It makes total sense when you really think about it.

This one is my favorite because it’s spam, but it could also sort of not be…if I don’t think too hard about it. It was meant to be a comment on my first “Favorite Things” post: “Please tell me that youre going to keep this up! Its so great and so important. I cant wait to read far more from you. I just feel like you know so substantially and know how to make people listen to what youve got to say. This weblog is just also cool to be missed. Excellent stuff, really. Please, PLEASE keep it up!”

See?! It’s almost like it could be real and someone just really thinks this blog is super great. I mean, it is great and important. I do know so substantially (whatever that means) and I am pretty good at making people listen to what I have to say. This blog is too cool to be missed! I should just approve this comment so people will think that I am super, totally, so substantially cool, and excellent.

I mean, I am. Now I just need to start spamming other blogs with comments. Really drive the traffic up at old Hilarious and Negative.

This Week in Searches

Alright, it’s Friday, it’s rainy, and I should probably be watching the two movies I have out from Netflix before it turns into Qwikster.

Let’s get down to business.

2011-09-16 to Today

 

Search Views
val kilmer 124
sylvester stallone cobra 39
jean claude van damme hot 30
cobra sylvester stallone 25
jean claude van damme 23
jean claude van damme naked 9
val kilmer shirtless 9
samuel elliott 8
gwildor 8
jean-claude van damme 6
jean claude van damme ass 5
robert redford mustache 5
lifeguard movie 5
jean claude van damme now 4
one ton dad 4
sylvester stallone kobra 4
schmitts gay 4
val kilmer top gun shirtless 4
jean claude van damme 2011 3
chan clon van dame sin ropa 3
sylvester stallone-cobra 3
tim daly 3
sylvester stallone 3
tim daly hot 3
i hate whistling 2
the women with giant legs 2
sylvester stallone vintage 2
one ton teen 2
hilarious pet peeves 2
van damme ass 2
tim daly wings 2
gwildor masters of the universe 2
van damme naked 2
vintage diving board 2
hipster winter 2
jean claude 2
tim daly emmy 2011 2
jean claude van damme in the splits 2
baby born with a mermaid tail 2
robert redford out of africa 2
val kilmer pics 2
jean cluade van dam/2011 2
jean claude vandame nude 2
yan clon bandam hot 2
cobra sylvester 2
jean claude splits 2
sylvester stallone in cobra 2
www stallone cobra com. 2
jonathan frakes 2
robert redford 2
lifeguard the movie 2
pic of sylvester stallone in cobra 2
robert redford hair 1
star trek 1
aj mclean nkotbsb concert pictures 1
hate whistling 1
aj mclean 1
picture of jean-claude van damme doing the splits 1
cobra silvester 1
no whistiling zone sign 1
van damme doing splits 1
tlc lady with the giant legs 1
kilmer 1
schmitts gay snl 1
pregnant mermaid 1
sly stallone cobra 1
roy scheider 1
images de sylvester stallone dans cobra 1
wallpapers of jean claude van damme . 1
jean claude van damme butt 1
val kilmer willow 1
jean claude van damme wallpaper 1
alexander james mclean 1
jean claude van damme doing splits 1
half-ton dad update 1
spring ball ariel by disney princess club 1
a.j. mclean 1
фингеры 1
mermaid young girl on oprah 1
fotos de val kilmer 1
man that nearly weighed a ton who was on tlc television show 1
val kilmar shirtless 1
no whistle zone 1
val kilmer foto 1
tlc the woman with the giant legs 1
van damme arse 1
best strip club anchorage 1
training montages are cool 1
fotos hot de jean claude van dame 1
vall kilmer 1
cigarette holder 1
luke perry gay or not 1
cartoon unicorns 1
i will give you a call this weekend 1
1976 lifeguard 1
silvester stalone kobra 1
cobra sly stallone 1
sylvester stallone cobra picture 1
jean claude van damme nude 1
pictures of unicorns and rainbows 1
lisa frank 1
cobra, sylvester stallone 1
sylvester stallone cobra pictures 1
jean-claude van damme 2011 1
sylvester stallone, as cobra 1
van damme hot 1
image de sylvester stallone dans cobra 1
shaun claude van dam 1
young val kilmer shirtless 1
jean-claude van damme ass 1
jean claude van damme underwear 1
sylvester stalone cobra 1
jcvd butt 1
van damme jean-claude 1
jean-claude 1

 

Okay, it’s safe to say that Val Kilmer is killing it in search terms yet again. I won’t bore you with this anymore.

Here are some of my favorite search terms this week that led people over to Hilarious and Negative Land:

chan clon van dame sin ropa, yan clon bandam hot, and shaun claude van dam. Oh my god you guys! I laughed so hard when I saw these three egregious spellings of Jean Claude Van Damme’s name. Chan Clon? Also, I like how they were looking for Chan Clon without clothes on. Is this is a human hybrid of Jackie Chan and Van Damme? That would be interesting to see. Yan Clon Bandam is hot! Shaun Claude! Is he Irish? I love that you can type in some weird variation of Jean Claude Van Damme’s name and all the search results are for him. It’s like Google knows what the people want. I mean, I typed in don clon vandan’ just for fun, and the first result is JCVD’s Wikipedia page! Priceless.

pictures of unicorns and rainbows. What? Are you in a fucking good mood or something? Get the fuck out of here. We only like unicorns and rainbows around these here parts when we are talking about someone blowing them out of their ass. I hope you learned your lesson!

luke perry gay or not. Never. And I just know it was a man searching for this information. You can’t have them all, okay? You already have some good ones, like Neil Patrick Harris, Ricky Martin, Rufus Wainwright, and B.D. Wong. Leave some for us.

man that nearly weighed a ton who was on tlc television show. I just like this because of how detailed the search was. I mean, TLC has really cornered the market on “documentaries” about morbidly obese people, so all you’d have to do is type, “TLC FAT GUY” and I’m sure you’d find what you are looking for. This is part of my new life as a library student. Helping people search for things.

Meaghan, P.I…I (Private Internet Investigator).

Vintage Jonathan Frakes

Sunday has arrived! In case any new comers are stumbling on to this blog for the first time, Sundays are the days I troll the interwebs for pictures of older celebrities that I shouldn’t be crushin’ on, but totally am. This week I am presenting you all with Jonathan Frakes!

 

This is before he went all intergalactic lumberjack.

 

I’m naming Jonathan Frakes as a vintage crush, because a while ago I started watching Star Trek: TNG on Netflix to fill a nostalgic hole in my heart. I used to watch TNG reruns after school with my brother for the longest time, it was something we could both agree on. I remember thinking Commander Riker was pretty bad-ass and apparently as a young child, I had a thing for older guys with beards (still do?). Well, upon re-watching some episodes, the burning in my loins for Riker did not dissipate! He’s oddly passionate and stoic at the same time, sometimes he makes jokes; what more could a girl want?

 

Profilin’

 

Some basics according to IMDB:

Full Name: Jonathan Scott Frakes

Born: August 19, 1952 in Bellefonte, Pennsylvania, USA

Height: 6’4″!!!!!! He is ultimate man size!

Films/Television: He’s acted in 79 titles, directed 27 titles (including Roswell!), and has portrayed himself in 28 titles. My favorite is Beyond Belief: Fact of Fiction. I can never get enough of those corny reenactments.

Fun Fact: Apparently he went to Harvard to get a Master’s Degree! Also, according to imdb (reliable!) he is teaching at Rockport College in Maine…I must enroll there.

…and, ehhhh…I’m gonna say ‘no’ on this one. Now he sort of looks like that weird dad down the street that wears Hawaiian shirts. But if I had a time machine, I’d set that thing to 1988 fo’ sho’.

I leave you with the picture below. I don’t know who created it, but it is one of the best things that I have ever seen.

 

I wish I could take credit for this.

 

Enjoy your Monday everyone!

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