Men, Stop with the “Creative” Denim

by M. Lizabeth Currain

In dishonor of New York Fashion Week (Feb 9th-16th) I am going to be sharing some fashion related thoughts with all of you throughout the week. As a note, I have a degree in Fashion Design and spent some time working for various fashion companies. It was the worst. I continue to have opinions about fashion, the main one being: Seriously, what the fuck are you wearing? So for the next week don your best headband and enjoy the ride.

 

Obviously there is a lot more wrong with this pair of jeans than just what’s on the pockets. The rise on this pair of jeans is out of control. The zipper looks like it is a foot long. The wash makes me want to barf (shiny denim is gross!) and the color of the stitching screams, “I will put a roofie in your drink when your back is turned.”

Are your eyes bleeding yet? I see jeans like this way more than I should. They just look so…what’s the word I’m looking for? Ah, yes: DUMB. I’d rather see a guy in dad jeans than in a pair that have weird whiskering, oddly placed fading, and bunching at the ankles.

As men, you have the unique advantage of being able to wear a pair of nicely fitted, plain old jeans with no stupid fucking embellishments, and a plain t-shirt and still look really, really good. But some of you have to go and ruin it! With things like this:

Just because they cost a lot, doesn't mean they look good!

or these!

Oh for fuck's sake.

So here’s my advice for all you guys out there and you know what, this is probably good advice for ladies too:

  • Rhinestones don’t belong on jeans.
  • Zippers belong at the crotch. And for the ladies, you can have them at the ankles.
  • No writing whatsoever on jeans. Especially on the ass.
  • Stitching shouldn’t be the first things you notice about the jeans. People should be looking at how hot your ass is.
  • There shouldn’t be elaborate embroidered dragons or tigers on your back pockets: I’m looking at you Ed Hardy!
  • Flap pockets do not look good on men. They barely look good on women. Just do yourself a favor and stick with the patch pockets.
  • Find a pair that fits your body. Not someone else’s body. Not the body you wish you had. Your body.

And if you happen to look like this in your jeans, feel free to get in contact with me,I’m single.