Biggest Loser Recap: Episode 9

by M. Lizabeth Currain

I present to you my thoughts on Week Nine of The Biggest Loser in Haiku* form.

 

Temptations at home
Buddy buys a chili dog
Doesn’t eat it, so dumb.

Huey out with friends
They all order beer, what jerks
who’s the hot guy?

Cassandra freaks out
over cookie dough of course
calm down you psycho

Awful sounds abound
Fuck, Chism has a jam band
Lord, make it stop please

Chism goes home, tears
Yikes that outfit is terrible
Skinny jeans, not good.

And there you have it, another week closer to this bullshit finally being over! I’m so sick of these people! It’s been 9 weeks where all they do is work out and eat what people tell them and like 90% of them are still WAY fat. I don’t get it! Also, this weeks weigh in was some sort of dramatic acting showcase! The speech, the tears, the “no send me home instead. Fine! Then get two tickets because I’m going with him!” It’s like these people are vying for an Oscar. Lord. I cannot wait until I never have to see these people again. And if Chism’s band becomes famous, I will DIE.

*I checked and triple checked those damn syllables. So don’t even try and tell me these are not Haikus!; because they are now!