Ahmusings

The 98% humorous musings of M. Lizabeth Currain

Category: daily life

Sacred Stall

Known better by it’s scientific name: Stallus defecationious.

It’s your comfort zone. The one place you go to during the work day where you know you can get some quiet. Where you rush to when your morning coffee has tickled your bowels loose. It’s your favorite bathroom stall. Your pooping stall.

Pooping at work is the best. It always feels like you are putting one over on the place/people you work for. As if you just don’t care enough to hold it in and give yourself colon cancer. You don’t respect your workplace enough anymore to do them that favor.

But for some, it’s a shameful secret.

Don’t fret little ones, you are not alone. Join the millions of workplace poopers.

Let Me Count the Ways

That this day was painful.

1. Lack of sleep. For the life of me, I could not get to sleep last night. It was like my brain wouldn’t turn off and I just kept thinking about everything I need to get done, things that I wish would happen, etc. I tried counteracting it by counting. It doesn’t work.

2. It’s raining. By the time I got to work, my feet were soaked.

3. At work, there are a million things to get done. One of the girls that I work with has been out of the office since last Thursday. I’m only there part time. My boss came over and felt it necessary to point out, “These books sure are piling up. Better start sending them out before people start griping.” REALLY? I hadn’t noticed that there were over 70 books that needed to be input into the database and sent out to reviewers. I thought they were for show. You pointing it out, isn’t going to make it get done any faster, especially when people keep adding to the piles and keep giving me other projects that they need completed that second.

4. My lunch sucked. It was a sandwich the size of a playing card and carrots. I need my time back so I can cook meals with leftovers!

5. On my way to class, after work, I almost slipped out of my shoe because they were so wet. I ended up buying a plain black pair of flats.

6. I bought a plain black pair of flats at Urban Outfitters. I try not to spend money there, because they rejected me for a design job.

7. My Tuesday class…I don’t even know what to say about it. I’m not so sure it’s going to be useful.

8. The Q train stopped on the bridge for about 20 minutes.

9. It took almost an hour to get home.

10. I have homework due on Thursday that I only half understand and so far, only half completed.

11. I was supposed to read 70 pages for tomorrow’s class, but I still haven’t gotten that book in the mail yet.

12. I’m still waiting for that guy to email me back!

13. Well, we got to the point where we agreed to hang out again on Saturday. But he hasn’t emailed me back about a time or a place!

14. WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?

 

It took them long enough.

You know what I love most about working? The day when someone finally comes and asks me if I’m okay because they’ve noticed my “poor attitude”. It is my absolute favorite.

Today was that day. It only took 4 and a half months! That might be a new record. Apparently myself and one of the other ladies that I work with are a cause for concern among our superiors. Something about how we’re unresponsive and we should smile more. What is it with the smiling?! Also, what are we supposed to be responding to? We sit in a room entering stuff into a database all day and whenever one of them comes in, they don’t say ‘hi’ to us. Or am I supposed to be responding to the countless emails that I am cc’d on that have absolutely nothing to do with me or my job?

Frankly, I get the work done. Whether I get it done with a smile on my face or not, shouldn’t really matter. Honestly, this is my face and my general disposition. I’m not going to do jazz hands every time I have to send something out UPS or enter something into the database. And why should I? It’s not like it’s super exciting. It’s not even that bad of a job, it’s just that this is how I am. I’m naturally unenthusiastic about menial, repetitive work.

Sometimes I wish I could carry around a list of references of past employers or professors that have confronted me on my attitude, but then finally figure out that this is just who I am and doesn’t it doesn’t affect my work. Generally it all boils down to the whole smiling thing. During one work review at my last full-time job (retail! Ugh!) my boss (who hated me…mainly because I had a vagina) told me that I could easily be a manager, that my customer service was great, that I get all the work done, and do more than most of the people in the store, but…that my attitude sucked. What?! How does any of that even make any sense. Basically he wanted me to come to work every day with Lisa Frank rainbows shooting out of my ass. Not going to happen. I do the work, it gets done! In fact, I do other peoples work too! Maybe that’s why I’m not fucking smiling all the time.

While I was in college I was having a meeting with a professor of mine and she asked, “In my class, are you bored or is that just your face?” So said, “Well, sometimes when other students are talking, I’m bored, but for the most part, it’s just my face.” It’s true! It’s just my face. I can’t help it if I look disinterested 95% of the time. I’m thinking about a lot of stuff…mainly how uninteresting everyone is.

In high school my English teacher brought me outside of the class one day to talk to me about my attitude. She even got a little teary-eyed. I did actually feel bad about that. She was nice and was trying. It wasn’t her fault that she had to dumb down the curriculum because the class was full of morons. She said that I always had a snide remark or rolled my eyes every time she gave an assignment out. I used the age old, “I’m just not being challenged enough” to get her off my back. It worked and in the end I think she ended up feeling sorry for me that she couldn’t provide a higher level of assignments for the class. In hindsight, I was pretty much a bitch and do kind of regret making her feel that way about her teaching.

What I am trying to say is…this is just who I am! Why can’t society accept that some people are just not always sunshine and rainbows? Just because I’m not smiling like a idiot all day, doesn’t mean that I’m not content or getting my work done.

Maybe I’ll try a different plan of action. Instead of working hard and not smiling…I’ll smile all the god damn time and work very little. How does that sound to everyone?

I’ll let you know if I get fired.

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