The 98% humorous musings of M. Lizabeth Currain

Category: friends

Da Bears

In honor of California deciding that a voter approved ban on same-sex marriage was a dumb-fucking idea, (see also; unconstitutional) I’ve decided to talk about my favorite subset of the gay culture: BEARS

Having spent my birthday weekend last year in Provincetown during Bear Week and having made one laugh in a liquor store, I feel as though we have a connection now for the rest of our lives. I even bought a t-shirt!

Never have I been surrounded by as much body hair and mesh clothing as I was that weekend…and it was awesome. My favorite part is that they only seem to work out their arms; better to cuddle their cubs with, I guess?

At one point during the weekend, I was walking with my brother and his girlfriend and I heard this guy talking to his friends saying, “I’d suck every dick in this town!” I shouted back, “Hey! Me too!” (eh, not really, ’cause they were gay and wouldn’t be into it!) But there was a little boy with his family in front of me and he heard that…oops? Better that this boy learn now that it’s not just guys who go around doing that to each other; girls do it too. But you wouldn’t know that if your family always vacations in Provincetown for the Summer.

After that weekend I wanted to register the domain Bearaphernalia.com, but it was already taken. It could have either gone two ways, a really awesome online Bear community or a gay porn site. Both have their place in this world!

So, California, don’t make the mistake that a lot of people think you’re probably going to make! Don’t let the Supreme Court have a chance to mess this up.

You have a Bear on your flag for Christ’s sake! It’s only right!


I am well on my way to becoming one.

Once I started graduate school and quit my retail job, I decided to start taking better care of myself. Since I was no longer having to eat my feelings because I was stuck in a job that I hated, it was surprisingly easy! I had time to really focus on fitness and health. I started hitting the gym, eating better; I eventually joined Weight Watchers in January. As far as “dieting” goes, Weight Watchers is probably the best program out there to join, if you’re one of those people that needs guidance about how not to stuff your face with delicious garbage. Trust me, I love some delicious garbage. But Weight Watchers I think knows that about people and they are like, “hey, if you are going to eat garbage, just eat less of it and don’t let it happen very often”. That’s how it should be. You should be able to eat things that you like, learn to make new things, and enjoy them in moderation. I don’t think I could ever give up my New York-style Chinese food anyways. A girl has to have something to reward herself with.

Well, I’ve lost a significant amount of weight since I started taking better care of myself. I’m still not where I want to be yet, but I am certainly getting there. In the process I am finding that I am capable of doing things that I didn’t think were ever possible, like running outside. To be honest, I haven’t been doing a very good job of it lately. However, I did go for a 5K run this morning with my friend Jessica; it goes a lot faster when you have someone to talk to. We registered for a 5K race in October. So hopefully, I’ll be able to finish that with a time that isn’t super embarrassing.

I also went on a 22 mile bike ride today. My thighs are not happy with my right now.

I feel a lot better about myself than I did even 6 months ago. Maybe I’ll even run the New York Marathon eventually! HA! I’m kidding, I have no interest in that. I hear when you train for a marathon your toenails will fall of. Um, hello? What good is being fit if I am ugly and have no toenails? This would probably be me if I decided to run the NY Marathon:



Maybe I’d be better suited to a triathlon. Shorter distances in three events seems doable. Although, I’m not sure how people feel about fishing a bloated corpse out of a river.

I’m supposed to see Rise of the Planet of the Apes tonight, it’s got my boy James Franco in it. I’ll let you know how it is. I’m biased though, Franco could be reading the phone book on screen for 2 hours and I’d probably enjoy it.

Until next time!


Finally. The post that all of you have been waiting for and the moment I have been waiting to relive. For those of you just checking this blog out for the first time or perhaps aren’t hip to the supergroup jive: NKOTBSB is the joining of two boyband forces. New Kids on the Block and Backstreet Boys. I was lucky enough to experience this concert with my best friend on July 31st, 2011 at the Nassau Coliseum. This was probably one of the greatest things that I will ever have had the opportunity to witness.

Just a little back story: My best friend and I have been Backstreet Boy fans since we were 11 years old. We had hundreds of posters on our walls, bought every t-shirt we could find at Sam Goody/Musicland, bought all their videos (our favorite was Backstreet Boys: The Video), and would most likely annoy everyone within a close radius with our incessant talking about them and how much we loved them. We even made a video for the show FANatic on MTV. We never sent it in. It was pretty much an hour of us rambling and looking (me especially) incredibly dorky. Growing up in Alaska, we were doomed to never get very close to them. Our day finally came in October of 1999 when we got to see them during the Into the Millennium Tour at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas. At the time, we thought that was the greatest moment of our lives. If only we knew what was going to happen 12 years later.


I think it’s best to sort of tell the rest of this story with a mix of pictures and text. Our faces tell the real story.

So on Sunday July 31st, 2011 we woke up with the knowledge that soon we would be breathing the same air as our ‘tween celebrity crushes. Late in the afternoon after we had gotten back from brunch, we decided it would probably be best if we started drinking. My friend coined it “NKOTBSBgamin'”. We fixed our faces, hair, and outfits with BSB music as our getting ready soundtrack. When the cab came to pick us up to take us to the Coliseum we were out the door like lightening.

Us in the cab. Bursting with excitement!

When we got to the Coliseum there was a super long line to get in.


There were two girls behind us who were super annoying and made us feel old. I say ‘girls’ because they couldn’t have been more than 15 years old. In other words, they were too young for this to have any real meaning for them! They were taking up valuable space. One of the girls mentioned something about listening to Spice Girls when she was “younger”. Um? How young? Your mom playing “Wanna Be” while she was pregnant with you, DOES NOT COUNT. I take this very seriously! I alienated a lot of people with my obsession! I BREATHED Backstreet Boys 24/7 for a lot of years. Don’t ruin this for me little girl!

After a few minutes of feeling old, we finally got inside and laid our eyes on the merch table.

So many choices!

This is us excited about the prospect of memorabilia:

We ended up making this face a lot that night.

After we paid for some memories we hit the alcohol stand. I wish we had been able to bring our own since a 24oz can of LaBatt Blue was $13. Also, limit one per customer! Ha! They obviously think we are stupid. Just go to a different counter to buy your second can. Their regulation system needs some work.

I had to buy a shirt.

Obviously I had buy a shirt. I think it’s progress that I bought one without any faces on it. We sat outside in the “beer tent” to kill some time before the show started.

The opening act was Matthew Morrison. Yes. That Matthew Morrison. Mr. Schuester from Glee. What’s weird is that the first BSB concert we went to had two opening acts. One was Mandy Moore and the other was this cheesy boy band (ha! I have standards) called LMNT. And I am pretty sure that Matthew Morrison was in that band for half a second. We officially came full circle. To be honest, he wasn’t half bad. I realize that this makes me super old. But I think we’ve already determined I’m a middle-aged woman with questionable tastes anyways. I wasn’t even that skeeved out by him rapping “Gold Digger”. There are obviously lots of things wrong with me. It did bother me that he played the Ukulele a lot. And that he pronounced it “oo-kulele”. But for the most part I was blinded by his dance moves.

Almost time!!

One of the funniest things about the concert is that the Nassau Coliseum had the foresight to convert most of its men’s restrooms into ladies’ rooms.

Obviously, they knew the target audience for this show.



The concert was amazing. They alternated between being on stage separately and being on stage together. All those boys can still move! We were also pretty close to the action as well. Mainly because two weirdos were sitting in our seats so we just stood down by the railing of our section. Better seats than what was paid for! I think I screamed more at this concert than I did at the one when I was 14. The 48oz of LaBatt, might have contributed slightly to that.

I think our faces pretty much explain everything.

So…here’s the part where a 26 year old woman cries at a boy band concert.

They brought audience members on stage! I WASN’T ONE OF THEM!

During the song “I’ll Never Break Your Heart” (ironic, considering they broke it a million times over at that moment!) BSB went down into the audience and picked four girls to come on stage with them to be serenaded. At that moment I started tearing up. It was pathetic. I was actually upset! Very! I had tears dripping down my face because I was essentially watching a dream of mine and my best friend’s die right in front of my eyes. There was a finality to it. I’m 26. These guys aren’t going to be touring forever and this felt like a last chance. It’s hard watching your dreams die! Even the stupid ones that you know were probably never going to come true. Up until that moment, I still had a little hope that meeting them was possible. Seeing that, it just killed it. It’s hard being an adult sometimes and accepting reality. It was much easier living in the delusions of my youth. I much prefer it to this often shitty reality that I find myself stuck in.

Well, after my little quarter-life crisis breakdown, it was back to screaming and dancing. NKOTBSB really knows how to put on a show. They even brought out Bell Biv Devoe! Crazy! This concert will definitely be something that stays in my memory for a very, very long time as one of the best nights of my life. So far, I don’t see much competition to unseat it.

Here’s a little video of them performing “As Long as You Love Me”. I used my phone to capture this…so profesh, I know.

Hopefully in another 12 or so years, these guys will be hard up for a gig and won’t mind playing in my apartment for $100. DREAMS CAN COME TRUE.

Also, I just enabled my OkCupid profile, so you all have that to look forward to now.

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