The 98% humorous musings of M. Lizabeth Currain

Category: pet peeves

Fashion Week

In dishonor of New York Fashion Week (Feb 9th-16th) I am going to be sharing some fashion related thoughts with all of you throughout the week. As a note, I have a degree in Fashion Design and spent some time working for various fashion companies. It was the worst. I continue to have opinions about fashion, the main one being: Seriously, what the fuck are you wearing? So for the next week don your best headband and enjoy the ride.

When I see girls in ridiculously high heels in inappropriate situations I often find myself willing their ankles to snap. I know it’s not very nice of me, but it’s also not very nice what they are doing to their feet, ankles, knees, and back.

Why for the love of all that is good in the world, would you ever need to be wearing 5-inch heels to be walking around New York City or ANY PLACE for the matter? There is no good reason, because it’s not necessary. You look like you’re trying too hard. Like way too hard. No one likes that.

According to a study by researchers at a Griffith University in Australia conducted on women who have been wearing heels for at least 40 hours a week for over a period of two years,

” the scientists found that heel wearers moved with shorter, more forceful strides than the control group, their feet perpetually in a flexed, toes-pointed position. This movement pattern continued even when the women kicked off their heels and walked barefoot. As a result, the fibers in their calf muscles had shortened and they put much greater mechanical strain on their calf muscles”

All of this leads to straight to a Liberty motor scooter! Your ankles will be broken, your toes will be hammered, and no man will ever love you because your feet look like a combination of Frodo Baggins and the Elephant Man.

Now, I’m not saying, “don’t ever wear high heels.”  I own a few good pairs myself and put them on occasionally when I like to pretend that I’m glamorous. But as with anything, do it in moderation. No one looks good hobbling down the street at 2 am because their heels are too high. It ain’t cute. Standing up straight and being able to outrun your attackers, is.


  Whenever I need to clean the really important things, like say, horse blankets, they won’t let me. It’s really a shame, because that horse blanket I found in the dumpster that I re purposed into a stylish belted wrap, really needs to be cleaned. Kidding. I don’t own a fucking horse blanket belted wrap. […]

Stop staring.

You know what I love? And by love, I mean can’t fucking stand? When men on the subway, who happen to be with their wife/girlfriend, are staring at you inappropriately. Especially ones holding bags of McDonald’s. I happened to be sitting down with my friend and this guy was standing in front of us. He basically kept staring down my top. Sure, it’s low cut; but guess what? It’s really fucking humid outside and I don’t feel like wearing a turtle neck so that creepers won’t stare. Dude, you’re with your woman. Stare at her tits.

Also, I can’t stand the “comedians” in Times Square that are always bugging you to go see their comedy shows. I feel bad, because I know they are just trying to make it…but there’s got to be a better way to go about it. And if you’re going to be pestering people to go to your comedy show, you might want to coordinate with your fellow comedians so YOU AREN’T SAYING THE SAME JOKES. Two “comics” both said, “You want to see a comedy show with a friendly black guy”? Um. Not really. I’d rather see a comedy show with a funny black guy.

Ya’ll can file both of these under pet peeves.

Also, I feel kind of bad because I made my friend walk close to 40 blocks in the heat and humidity. I guess I was punishing her because she wanted to see Times Square. You give and you take. That is the beauty of friendship.

Unless I kill her by making her walk a million blocks in the heat.

::Image from Jhocy::

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