Ahmusings

The 98% humorous musings of M. Lizabeth Currain

Category: school

Just For Laughs

I turned on my old Dell laptop for the first time in ages. Guess what as on my desktop? If you guessed “a mp3 file of the Brotherly Love theme song”, you would be absolutely correct! This theme song is amazing. I remember in high school myself and another girl would just sing it randomly, that’s how awesome it was. And just in case you were completely out of touch and living in a cave in 1995…

That was back when Joey Lawrence, oh! Excuse me, Joseph Lawrence, didn’t look like a wax statue of Mr. Clean:

This is such a weird look.

WAIT FOR IT….

AM I RIGHT OR AM I RIGHT?!

Clearly, Mr. Lawrence needs to reach out to the folks at Procter & Gamble and work out some sort of endorsement deal.

Moving on to the more important business of the evening. I did some more packing! And that means I came across more random garbage from my past. There is a question on OkCupid that asks, “If you were to die, would whoever goes through your personal belongings be shocked by what they find?” I answered with “Maybe”.  I think they’d be shocked at the kind of lame things that I managed to hold on to over the years. Like a Dell Jukebox mp3 player with a lot of John Mayer on it (Ugh, so sue me! It was the early 2000’s! My body is a wonderland!), postcards and letters that I found while working at a thrift store, old drawings from an art class in college…

That’s what I am really here to discuss. I am by no means an artist. I am fully aware of the fact that 90% of what I draw is terrible. Sometimes I get lucky and something turns out okay, but that happens very rarely. When I was in college, since I was a fashion design major, I had to take a lot of art classes. One of those classes was Fashion Illustration. The name of the class should have really been, “Broke-down Figure Model Drawing”. We were in no way, illustrating fashions; we were either drawing a chick that would fall asleep while posing or one that had no eyebrows. Then we would take those drawings and scan them in to the computer and gussy them up in Photoshop. Bad idea all around.

Drawing Number 1: Beavis as Caesar.

Caesar, is that you?

It is safe to say, that is not even close to what this woman looked like or what she was wearing. Also, you’ll start to see that “no feet” was a common theme in a lot of my artwork.

Drawing number 2: Brian Fellow’s Safari Planet

“The rain forest, that sounds wet.”

This was probably my favorite drawing that I did in that class, obviously because of the flagrant artistic liberties I allowed myself. She was not actually holding a spear and a lion did not eat her feet. The best part of this was when I scanned it into Photoshop, I put her in an African setting and put a lion in the background. My professor was appalled and didn’t understand my artistic vision. I looked for the image on the various flash drives I have lazing about my apartment, but I could find it! I am truly saddened by this.

Drawing number 3: “There’s no crying in baseball“:

Feet! I drew feet!

I couldn’t even begin to tell you what’s going on with this drawing. I am starting to think that I closed my eyes while drawing and just drew whatever was in my mind at the time. The photoshopped version of this, I am pretty sure, involved some Yankee blue stripes and a Louisville Slugger. You may be asking yourselves, “how is this related to fashion illustration at all?” I asked myself that same question all semester long. I’d like to say that my drawing skills got better by the end of the semester, but I don’t think they did. I think I actually started caring less about the class and by the end was just drawing whatever the fuck I wanted.

My professor loathed me. She actually gave me a written warning that I was in danger of failing the class because of my “attitude”, “inability to take things seriously”, and something about how I didn’t care about my future. Boy did she have me pegged! I think she must have ended up giving me that ‘A’  because of my serious talent as an artist.

Case of the Mondays

Sorry I didn’t post yesterday. I know all of you were super disappointed that there wasn’t anything for you to read before you went to bed last night or when you woke up this morning. I was kind of sidetracked by the 83rd Academy Awards. And by sidetracked, I mean, I couldn’t blog and watch a bootleg stream of the ceremony on my computer at the same time. Seriously guys, I don’t have even the most basic tv channels. It hurts, because I love television. Luckily, most of the stuff I watch is put online the next day, but then they pull crap like the Oscar’s and what’s a girl to do? I’ll tell you what a girl can do! She can go to some place like Ustream or Justin.tv and find the broadcast that is going to be least likely to be shut down for copyright violations! After the first two got shut down, I found one being streamed from a Spanish station broadcast. So it was in English, but there were a group of Spanish commentators during the commercials, talking about, who knows what, because I don’t really understand Spanish. During the ceremony, they were translating everything into Spanish over the English broadcast. It was interesting, unlike the actual awards ceremony. I love me some James Franco, but even he couldn’t save that snooze fest. They are SO LONG! They need to do a condensed version where they just hand out the awards without all the pomp and circumstance and lame Oscar tidbits that no one really gives two shits about. JUST GIVE OUT THE  DAMN AWARDS! Some of us have to get up early on Monday morning!

Monday is one of my early days and my longest. 7am does not agree with me. I intern in an archive from 9-5 and then I have class from 6:30-9pm. So that means rush hour in the morning. And not only is it people going to work, it’s kids going to school. Teens are the worst! They walk so slow and in huge groups. It’s obnoxious. I have ZERO patience anyways, but in the morning we are talking negative numbers. And it was drizzling and windy. Why must people who use GIANT umbrellas carry them like they are about to pass a baton in a relay when they are not in use? I mean, there are people walking both in front and behind you. And you are swinging your arms as you walk. It’s dangerous! The lack of self awareness that the majority of people have is baffling.

Then when I was on the train this evening going to class, this group of foreign ‘tween girls got on the train. There must have been at least 10 of them. It would not have been so bad, had they not DELAYED the train by holding the doors several times and then hitting pretty much every person on the train with their bags. Then with the shouting to each other! You’re in a subway car! The distance between you and your friend, does not warrant shouting. One sat down next to me and her friend sat on top of her lap. ::barf:: Then their other friend was taking pictures of them, so the girl sitting on the lap kept leaning backwards and hitting me with hair. She turned around to look at me and I gave her a look. For those of you who don’t know me, it’s certainly not a look that you want me to be giving you. She turned right around and scooted to the other side of her friends lap. I feel like shouting “I HAVE THE POWER!”

Actually, I just needed an excuse to post a picture of Dolph Lundgren

Then class. Ugh. This particular class is pretty painful. It’s not even the class, it’s the people in the class. Especially this one girl. She has severe case of know-it-all-itis. The only problem is, is that I don’t want to hear anything she knows! And she talks in a toddler voice. She’s also a brown-noser. Every time she talks, I just want to throw something at her! Our professor mentioned a Coca-Cola and she proceeded to give us the history on it, because she went to college in Atlanta. I just can’t. It’s too much. There’s also a boy who is constantly checking out his reflection and fixing his hair in the window. EVERY CLASS. And he gets this look on his face, like he is so pleased with himself. He’s another one I want to throw something at!

Then on the train home, a hipster girl was wearing black velvet leggings! And an 80’s asymmetrical green suede cropped jacket with gold buttons. And a shirt with flowers and glitter! And she had a gold grille on her top teeth. You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. We’ve got some serious jack asses roaming the streets people.

Monday’s are the worst.

Yeah, I’m judgey. That’s what makes me so much better than everyone else!

This is what you missed.

So I promised a post and I’m trying to make sure I put something out so I don’t look like a huge liar or flake.

So I wanted to give all of you readers a little background on what’s been happening with me in the past year. Well…I QUIT MY JOB! Remember, that horrible job I was always talking about? Just go peruse posts in the category “work” if you are unfamiliar, so you can see why that statement deserved all caps and an exclamation point. No longer do I have to clean up human urine! Or be terrorized by customers!

So what am I doing if I was able to escape from a personal hell? Well, I am back in school. I had been thinking about going back for a graduate degree in something for a while, but I was trying to figure out what program/discipline would suit me. They don’t offer a Master’s in hatin’ and bein’ awesome, so I settled for a Master’s program in Library and Information Science. I like libraries, I like information…so the two together can’t be so bad, right?  The motivation for me to send in my application was (along with me needing to get out of the worst job ever) was the movie Party Girl with Parker Posey…

Watch this movie.

Basically, I love Parker Posey, and think she is just about the coolest actress alive. The movie is about a young NYC party girl woman, named Mary, who parties all the time and has run out of money. She goes to her godmother who is the stereotypical librarian to get money and ends up having to work for her rent by being a clerk in the library. Wackiness ensues. I don’t want to give it away, so definitely watch it. It’s even on Netflix Instant!

I was at a crossroads at the time of watching this movie. I knew that I couldn’t work at my job for much longer with out it causing me some serious mental damage…or me causing serious damage to the next fool to ask me for a discount on a $2 shirt. So after watching the movie, I was like, “If she can do it, so can I!” and I mailed my application. I got financial aid and I quit my job in September. It’s probably the best recent decision I have made. It wouldn’t be too hard to win that honor…I make a lot of bad decisions.

Now I am working part-part-time in an office on campus (easiest thing ever!) and intern one day a week in the records and archives department of organization. Classes are kind of boring and there are a lot of group projects–which I hate. I don’t like having to depend on other people for a grade. If someone sucks, they will totally bring your grade down and the only way to avoid that is to do all the work and let the others skate by on the fact that you are much, much better than they are. I’ve met some cool people and I’ve also encountered some super annoying people as well. There is no escape!

I guess I wanted to go back to school so I could try and figure things out, without the burden of being so completely miserable that I can’t think straight. Living off of financial aid is kind of nice…of course it won’t be so nice with the fed’s come knocking at my door for their money back!

Is being a “librarian” my dream? Um…no. Is it something I could do? Sure. Would I rather be paid to showcase my negativity talents? Of course! My secret nerd dream is that I have a career like Parker Posey. That is my dream. Have you seen Spring Breakdown? It’s amazing. It’s also on Netflix Instant. Watch it tonight.

But until then, I guess I can see myself doing this…

One of the best scenes in the movie.

…especially since I already make that face constantly at people.

**picture comes from Rob’s Movie Vault…check it out!

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