Ahmusings

The 98% humorous musings of M. Lizabeth Currain

Category: strangers

Things That One Should Not Do In Public

People should not clip their nails in public. Why? Are you seriously questioning this? What is wrong with you?

It’s disgusting, that’s why. And surprisingly, this is a thing that people do. Maybe it’s because I live in NYC and I take the subway and am surrounded by all types of people. People that never realized that personal grooming is best saved for the home. I even find women who do their makeup on the train obnoxious. It’s a hazard, you could poke your eye out with that eyeliner or rip out all your lashes as you’re trying to curl them. But I digress.

STOP CLIPPING YOUR FUCKING NAILS IN PUBLIC.

I was on the train heading to work the other morning around 9am and there was a woman standing, leaning against the doors just clipping away. Clip, clip, clip. That’s all you could hear. I’m not really a germaphobe, I mean, I’ve dropped food on the kitchen floor and dusted it off; but there is something about getting things that were once attached to a person, on your personage. Like when you have to clean your roommates hair out of the drain. It’s that same kind of grossed out feeling.

Why would any person think this is a normal thing to do? Do it in your home! Go to a nail salon! But seriously stop fucking doing it on the train! I don’t want your nail clippings in my hair. Or anywhere on me for that matter.

Da Bears

In honor of California deciding that a voter approved ban on same-sex marriage was a dumb-fucking idea, (see also; unconstitutional) I’ve decided to talk about my favorite subset of the gay culture: BEARS

Having spent my birthday weekend last year in Provincetown during Bear Week and having made one laugh in a liquor store, I feel as though we have a connection now for the rest of our lives. I even bought a t-shirt!

Never have I been surrounded by as much body hair and mesh clothing as I was that weekend…and it was awesome. My favorite part is that they only seem to work out their arms; better to cuddle their cubs with, I guess?

At one point during the weekend, I was walking with my brother and his girlfriend and I heard this guy talking to his friends saying, “I’d suck every dick in this town!” I shouted back, “Hey! Me too!” (eh, not really, ’cause they were gay and wouldn’t be into it!) But there was a little boy with his family in front of me and he heard that…oops? Better that this boy learn now that it’s not just guys who go around doing that to each other; girls do it too. But you wouldn’t know that if your family always vacations in Provincetown for the Summer.

After that weekend I wanted to register the domain Bearaphernalia.com, but it was already taken. It could have either gone two ways, a really awesome online Bear community or a gay porn site. Both have their place in this world!

So, California, don’t make the mistake that a lot of people think you’re probably going to make! Don’t let the Supreme Court have a chance to mess this up.

You have a Bear on your flag for Christ’s sake! It’s only right!

Today In Searches

I like to check the stats of my blog. Because I like to cry over how many people aren’t visiting during the day. One of my favorite things to look at is the “Search Engine Terms”…you know, those words that you type into Google, that eventually lead you here and then have you scratching your head wondering what you’ve gotten yourself into. I used to do a weekly post on this, but it got kind of tiresome because people were always searching for the same thing: Jean-Claude Van Damme’s ass. I mean, I don’t blame them, it’s a nice ass. And honestly, that search term has brought me a lot of viewers–but I sensed that people were probably getting tired of basically reading the same blog post week after week…for like 4 weeks.

HOWEVER! I couldn’t keep this search term to myself. Today when I was checking my stats, through my tears (seriously you guys, start making me popular!) I saw this gem: Jonathan Frakes Naked !!!!!!!!! I added those exclamation points for effect.

Someone is actually searching for a picture of a naked Jonathan Frakes! I want to know more about this person! Male or Female? Young or old? Strictly just a Next Generation fan? What are their thoughts on Beyond Belief: Fact or Fiction?

But most importantl; Jonathan Frakes naked during his peak?

Or Jonathan Frakes naked now? I guess busy, leisure shirts really get some people going?

Either way, this just confirms that I am writing about relevant topics that people in the year 2012 care about. I win the Internet!!

Frakes photo from: http://tv.yahoo.com/jonathan-frakes/contributor/32367/photos/1

 

 

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