Ahmusings

The 98% humorous musings of M. Lizabeth Currain

Tag: actors

The Jacket My Date Wore

In dishonor of New York Fashion Week (Feb 9th-16th) I am going to be sharing some fashion related thoughts with all of you throughout the week. As a note, I have a degree in Fashion Design and spent some time working for various fashion companies. It was the worst. I continue to have opinions about fashion, the main one being: Seriously, what the fuck are you wearing? So for the next week don your best headband and enjoy the ride.

So on Saturday I went on a date. He was from the land of OkCupid and I used Whitney Houston’s death as a way to end the date early. What does this have to do with fashion? you may be asking yourselves right about now. Let’s just file this under “things that guys shouldn’t wear on a first date or ever, even if their life depended on it.” This the coat my date wore:

:shudder: I’ll give you all a few moments to process this. I know what you’re thinking, “what does his jacket have to do with what kind of person he is?” And to you, I say this: A lot.

We are in a time where it is perfectly acceptable for a man to know how to dress himself properly. There are magazines, websites, television shows, movies, and countless other forms of media that a dude can get sartorial inspiration from. Do you know that this jacket says to me? Do you know what kind of inspiration I think you had when you picked this out?

via

You remind me of a neo-Nazi. You remind me of all the people that weren’t Edward Norton in American History X or Ryan Gosling in The Believer. Because for you, I cannot separate your hideous jacket from somewhat “eh” personality. If his jacket or other parts of his outfit had been better, it might have detracted a little bit from the fact that he was asking me idiotic questions about Alaska (where I grew up) like, “I just saw The Grey. Are wolves like a thing there?” He also kept looking up things on Google on his phone. You’re on a date. Set it aside for a second.

I am not even kidding you when I tell you that I turned the corner and saw a guy in that jacket and immediately thought to myself, “I really hope that’s not him.” And it was. All night I just kept looking at that jacket, crumpled up next to him, wishing I had the ability to set things on fire with my eyes. It was puffy and ill-fitting. There are times and places for jackets like that. I am willing to say that hunting is probably the only place that a jacket like that would be acceptable. Not on a first date in Williamsburg the hippest part of Brooklyn./insert eyeroll. And frankly, since the earth is dying from all the punishment we are putting it through, it wasn’t even that cold out on Saturday. He would have been okay in a nice wool sweater and a scarf.

But it’s winter, he’s just trying to stay warm, you say? Well, I’ve got some advice for all of you guys out there in need of a date/LIFE appropriate winter jacket: It’s called a peacoat. Nothing fancy. You don’t even have to have any fashion sense and you can still look good in a well-fitted peacoat. As Mindy Kaling wrote in her book, “guys need to do almost nothing to be great.” Her words are truest when applied to fashion.

This is the kind of coat you wear on a first date.

Do you think that Ryan Gosling wore that green monstrosity on his first date with Eva Mendes? I don’t think so. If he had, I don’t think they’d be dating. I mean, Ryan Gosling is hot, but that coat green coat is fucking terrible.

Peacoats not your thing? Try a slightly fitted, wool coat, with minimal embellishments. Make sure that the shoulder seams are hitting at your shoulders. I can’t tell you how many people I see with coats a least a size too big for them. This coat below is a nice alternative.

via llbean

So a few things that hopefully you will be taking with you the next time you go coat shopping:

  • Wool is always good. It looks expensive, doesn’t have to be.
  • Peacoats! If they are good enough for Ryan Gosling, they are good enough for you.
  • Slightly fitted coats with a zipper are a nice alternative for the man who thinks peacoats aren’t for him.
  • Make sure the shoulder seam is hitting you at your shoulder. Not below, not above, but at.
  • Navy, black, gray, and brown. You can’t go wrong with these colors. They are fool proof.
  • Stay away from shiny fabric!
  • Take someone with you to buy a coat if you feel like you are completely hopeless.

This shouldn’t really be that hard. You’re an adult. Start dressing like one.

Vintage Al Pacino

That’s right, everyone’s favorite part about Sunday is back! It’s Vintage Crush time! For those of you just joining us, I suggest you take a look here, here, and here to get a feel for what this is all about. This is where I take the time to talk about some older guys that I feel are deserving of a little bit of crushitude.

This week, I gift you all with Vintage Al Pacino.

A while back I went on a bender of old Al Pacino films. Can we just talk about how good Dog Day Afternoon and Serpico are? Those are some quality films. His a little man, but packs a lot of punch and has the kind of charismatic energy that I love in a person. I have to say that my Vintage Crush on Pacino is fairly recent, it developed in the past handful of years (unlike my crush on Van Damme which has followed me from childhood). Now that I’m a mature, adult woman, a self-assured man like Pacino is very attractive. Back in the day he had it going on. Style, personality, talent, everything. These are the kind of qualities that I think actors of this generation are slightly lacking in. There’s the odd few, but it definitely existed more in the 70s.

Men, take note: This is how wear sunglasses.

Some basics according to IMDB:

Full Name: Alfredo James Pacino

Born: April 25, 1940 in New York, New York

Height: 5’7″ (Him’s just a little guy!)

Films/Television: He’s acted in 49 titles, produced and directed 3, and written 2.

Awards: He’s one 35 awards and been nominated for 41. He had six, six Oscar nominations before he finally won for Scent of a Woman. He’s also been nominated for three Razzie awards. The man is nothing if not diverse.

…and if I had a time machine, you can bet I would be all over Pacino. But I did have the misfortune of seeing Righteous Kill (they can’t all be winners, I know). He’s also sort of taken a turn for the troll. He might also be indulging a little too freely in the self-tanner. Also, he looks slightly crazy. But! Set that time machine to 1974 and I’ll in line with the all the other groupies.

Here’s a few more pictures for the road. These are from Serpico. When he looked super hot. Hipster-looking guys in the 70’s were definitely not as gross as they are now.

Vintage Roy Scheider

Welcome to another edition of Vintage Crush! This Sunday I present you with Roy Scheider!

 

Roy circa 1976 in Marathon Man

 

Why is Roy Scheider being giving such a prestigious honor? Well, I’ve been a fan of Scheider for years. I’d like to say it started with JAWS, but, my first memories of Mr. Scheider was with a little show called SeaQuest DSV. Back in the day I was all about a certain boy named Jonathan Brandis…but when I rewatched the series on Netflix, I found myself digging Captain Nathan Bridger. Obviously because I am gross and like old dudes. So I started furiously adding all things Scheider to my queue. He was quite the looker back in the day! And talented!

 

The Seven-Ups, 1973. He looks like a hipster!

 

Some basics according to IMDB:

Full Name: Roy Richard Scheider

Born: November 10th, 1932 in Orange, New Jersey, USA; deceased (Feb. 10th, 2008)

Height: 5’9″

Films/Television: 93

Awards: Nominated for two Oscars; Best Actor in a Leading Role for All That Jazz, 1980 and Best Actor in a Supporting Role for The French Connection, 1972.

…and yes. Back in the day though, cause he’s dead now and that’s wrong.

Why do I have a vintage crush on him? Well, let me present you with two clips. The first is from the movie Marathon Man, which also stars Dustin Hoffman.

 

 

Did you see his body? The way he was doing those push-ups?! Damn! Did you see the way he took care of that guy who was trying to assassinate him? I like a man who can take care of business. And did I mention his body? Also, I have a thing for guys with strong noses….and hot bodies.

 

Clip number two is from one of my favorite numbers of the movie All That Jazz (1979)

 

 

I love a song and dance man! The song is also fucking amazing. This movie is actually really great and everyone should check it out.

It’s sad that such a talented actor got relegated to some terrible roles later in his career. Hollywood doesn’t recognize a good thing when they have it. I highly recommend watching some of his movies…but definitely check out SeaQuest; you won’t regret it! It has a talking dolphin!

A parting gift.

 

That face! So hip, so cool. What a man.

 

Have a great Monday!

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