Ahmusings

The 98% humorous musings of M. Lizabeth Currain

Tag: blog

Favorite Thing: Male Eddie Bauer Models

Okay, obviously if I am here posting on a Saturday night, I did not go out and buy a stranger a drink. So sue me. I did however, do a yoga dvd. At one point, when the dude in the video was telling me to breathe, I said, “oh blow it out your ass.” As much as I try to make it, I don’t think yoga is necessarily for me. Aaaaaannnnnddddd….I just ate an ice cream sundae. Fuck yeah, I’m alone on a Saturday night watching Zoolander, eating ice cream, and blogging about Eddie Bauer models. Try not to die of jealousy.

Eddie Bauer catalog, light of my life. This catalog is probably one of the best things that I get in the mailbox. Well, technically my roommate gets it in the mail and I hi-jack it. This is why:

 

I built this dock myself.

 

I imagine this guy just pulled up to the dock outside of his remote cabin. I’m sure he built that cabin with his bare hands. He just needed a place he could retreat to, to clear his mind. He probably fell into a really great advertising job, but he missed working with his hands. That’s why he built the cabin. It has a working fire place and a Navajo inspired rug he sourced from a local village artisan in the southwest. The moment he arrives, he lights the fire and pours himself a tumbler of scotch. Then lays down on his vintage leather couch with a copy of Tender is the Night. There’s a knock at the door. He pads lightly over to the door and smiles when he sees who is standing there, “I thought you’d never get here.” He pulls her into the cabin by her waist, kissing her passionately. She sighs against his mouth, “You have no idea.” She grabs his scotch and takes a sip, letting the glass linger on her lips. He takes the glass from her hand and puts it on the hand-carved, oak side table. He pulls off his fair isle sweater and tosses it on the couch. He grins while he runs a hand through his hair. He lays down in front of the fire, extending his hand to her. She bites her lower lip as he pulls her down on top of him….

Huh? What was I talking about? Oh right. There’s also this guy:

 

Sorry, I didn’t have time to shave…I was busy rebuilding an old plane.

 

I bet he’s a pilot. He owns a small plane. It’s May and he has some place to be. He absolutely can not be late. He hops into his plane and just flies. When he arrives, he just stands in the back, waiting. When the ceremony is over, he sees her talking with a few of her friends. He pushes through the crowd grabs her hand. She turns around and when she sees him, her eyes light up, “You made it! I thought you had a meeting.” He pulls her into him, “I wouldn’t miss this for the world. It’s not every day my girlfriend gets her Ph.D. ” She laughs, “I guess not! But how did you get here?” He brushes a strand of hair behind her ear, “I flew.” She puts her hands on his shoulders, “You flew?” He gently kisses the side of her mouth, “Of course I flew, I had to be here. I love you.”

And scene.

Seriously. This is how I spend my days. Waiting for the Eddie Bauer catalog to arrive in the mail so that I can make up romanticized stories about their male models. It’s not a bad way to live. Do you think if I called their customer service and asked for the names and phone numbers of these models, they would give them to me?

This Week in Searches

Blah, it’s another exciting Friday. I need to break out of this funk I am in. But it’s raining, so I am using that as my excuse as to why I am in on a Friday night. I mean, I am 26 and single! I should be living it up on the streets of New York. I guess that’s not how I roll? I don’t know. I just looked at my post from last Friday…it was raining then too! The world is conspiring against me going out, kicking up my heels, and having a good time. For shame!

Anywhoo, here’s what you all came for. Or maybe not. I keep this up because it forces me to post and not give into my natural urge to lay on my couch and watch the rest of Wings.

2011-09-23 to Today

Search Views
val kilmer 53
sylvester stallone cobra 31
jean claude van damme 25
jean claude van damme hot 20
jean claude van damme naked 19
cobra sylvester stallone 15
aj mclean 9
sylvester stallone in cobra 8
gwildor 8
val kilmer shirtless 5
alexander james mclean 5
jean-claude van damme 5
jean claude van damme ass 5
lisa frank 4
hilarious pet peeves 4
sylvester in cobra 3
sam elliott roadhouse 3
robert redford 3
jean-claude van damme nude 3
jean claude van damme underwear 3
cobra stallone 3
jean claude van damme nude 3
van damme split 3
jean claude vandamme 3
sly stallone 3
jean claude van damme doing splits 3
robert redford mustache 3
tim daly 2
bd wong 2
jean claude van damme movies 2
jean claude van dam nude 2
val kilmer’s 2
a. j. mclean 2
stallone in shades 2
half ton mom tlc 2
jean claude van dam 2
sylvester stallone in cobra pics 2
mermaid tail 2
silvester stallone cobra 2
kobra sylvester stallone 2
jean claude van damme blood sport 2
naked van damme 2
cobra+sylvester 2
mermaid tails 2
jean claude van damme kickboxer 2
one ton dad 2
val kilmer no shirt 2
my robert redford hair 2
ton mom 2
hilarious and negative 1
mermaid pregnant 1
jean claude van damme height 1
schmitts gay 1
masters of the universe movie gwildor 1
tim daly 2011 emmy’s 1
jean claude van damme foto 1
jean claude van damme split 1
nkotbsb bell biv devoe 1
van damme films 1
jean claude van dame nude 1
jean claude van damme in underwear 1
redford out of africa 1
sylvester stallone picture in cobra 1
jean claude van damme dancing 1
jean-claude 1
silvestre stallone cobra 1
stallone cobra 1
jean claude van damme bum 1
silvester stalone cobra 1
shannen doherty 1
luke perry+surfing 1
new jackie chan 1
lisa frank wallpapers 1
val kilmer in top gun shirtless pics 1
vandamme naked 1
vintage jean claude van damme nudes 1
biehn 1
robert redford foto 1
the lady with the giant legs on tlc 1
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val kilmder 1
i hate whistling 1
splits jean claude 1
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cobra sly stallone 1
jean claude van dame hot 1
marathon man scheider 1
best strip club anchorage 1
pic no whistling 1
van damme wallpaper 1
tlc half ton dad 1
jonathan frakes imdb 1
split jean claude van damme 1
jean.claude.naked 1
sexy librarian 1
half ton dad update 1
кобра сталоне 1
van damme hot 1
splits jean-claude 1
jonathan frakes 1
the woman with the giant legs 1
sylvester stallone kobre 1
jean claude van damme diving board 1
rocky 1 sylvester stallone 1
no whistling zone 1
slyvester stallone cobra 1
jean claude van damme + height 1
john claude van damme doing splits 1
negative hilarious 1
van damme naked 1
a.j.mclean 1
val kilmer 2011 1
“jean claude van damme” naked 1
sylvester stallone kobra 1
luke perry 1

 

Wow. 42 people this week were looking for Jean Claude Van Damme in various states of undress. From just his underwear to his naked ass. I’m not surprised, it’s a nice ass. (Um…NSFW below!)

 

 

Picture courtesy of My New Plaid Pants

 

But come on you guys! He’s not a piece of meat! He’s a man, with feelings and thoughts. He definitely wouldn’t want us all sitting around our computers giggling about how hot is ass is. Ha! Who am I kidding? That’s all he wants us doing! Continue to titter away, internet!

jonathan frakes imdb What I love about this, is the person who typed this into a search engine, probably could have saved themselves like a fraction of a nano-second by just going to IMDB. I kind of hate it when people type a web-address into a search engine. That is what the address bar is for! Do people not know how to use the internet?! It’s been around for a while now, there are no excuses anymore. In one of my classes during my first semester of grad school, I sat next to a woman who tried to type an email address into the address bar. She also emailed the tech tutor to find out what a ‘web browser’ was. Of course she was in my group! The worst of it was that she tried showing me pictures of her kids. Take that nonsense elsewhere…I do not care about your children.

hilarious and negative and negative hilarious When I see this in the search terms, I like to pretend that my blog has a following. That people are reading this and then telling their friends, “oh hey, there’s this really cool blog out there called ‘Hilarious and Negative’, you should totally check it out. The chick who writes it, is so fucking hilarious and hot, I have no idea why she is single and hasn’t been snatched up by Ryan Gosling yet.” In fact, I’m pretty sure that’s how that is said every time. By me. Into my mirror in the morning.

Maybe tomorrow I’ll do something. Like go to a bar and buy an attractive stranger a drink. Or maybe I’ll just sit at home staring at my computer screen with a deadness behind my eyes, wondering what my life is becoming.

Vintage Michael Biehn

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday. Sunday gets a bad rap. It’s not her fault that she is the last day before everyone usually has to go back to work. That’s just the way the cookie crumbled for old Sunday. But no longer shall she be associated only with the dread of going back to work or school! Think of Sundays as your chance to see what weird crush I’ll have this week!

This Sunday, my gift to you is Michael Beihn!

Yes, please.

 

I am naming Michael Biehn as a vintage crush, because I have loved him ever since I saw Terminator. Kyle Reese is probably one of my favorite characters in a movie. Mainly for delivering this line (scoot to about 51 seconds in):

 

When I was in high school, I wrote a speech for a competition about how Terminator was the greatest love story of our time. I still stand by this. HE TRAVELED ACROSS TIME FOR HER! The speech was pretty epic and went over well with my peers. I think the judges at the competition didn’t know what to make of it. Obviously, those judges had their heads planted firmly up their asses in the year 1984 when Terminator came out, otherwise I would have won.

I wish this were an album cover.

Some basics according to IMDB:

Full Name: Michael Connell Biehn

Born: July 31, 1956 in Anniston, Alabama, USA

Height: 6′! Mama like.

Films/Television: He’s acted in 85 titles. Including Tombstone with fellow Vintage Crush, Val Kilmer. He’s also written and directed two things that no one probably cares about.

Fun Fact: Or ‘Sad Fact’…it said that the studio pushed for a nomination for best supporting actor for his role in The Abyss (excellent movie!) but he didn’t get it. Boo! He should have been nominated for Terminator.

…and, just tell me a time and place.

The last part of this is about to get to’ally nerdy.

 

Come with me if you want to live.

“Was there someone special?” “Special?” “A girl, you know?”

No, never.

“Sorry, I’m so sorry.”

So much pain.

 “Pain can be controlled. You just disconnect it.” “So you feel nothing?”

John Connor gave me a picture of you once. I didn’t know why at the time.

“It was very old, torn, faded.”

You were young, like you are now.

“You seemed just a little sad.”

I used to always wonder what you were thinking at that moment.

“I memorized every line, every curve.”

I came across time for you Sarah.

I love you. I always have.

I shouldn’t have said that.

Cue the music.

Intensify the music.

I think we know when John Connor got made.

…and scene.

You don’t even want to know how much time I spent on that! But hey, at least I’m not making fan videos set to the music of Sarah McLachlan.

Have a good night everyone!

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