Ahmusings

The 98% humorous musings of M. Lizabeth Currain

Tag: comedy

Vintage Michael Biehn

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday. Sunday gets a bad rap. It’s not her fault that she is the last day before everyone usually has to go back to work. That’s just the way the cookie crumbled for old Sunday. But no longer shall she be associated only with the dread of going back to work or school! Think of Sundays as your chance to see what weird crush I’ll have this week!

This Sunday, my gift to you is Michael Beihn!

Yes, please.

 

I am naming Michael Biehn as a vintage crush, because I have loved him ever since I saw Terminator. Kyle Reese is probably one of my favorite characters in a movie. Mainly for delivering this line (scoot to about 51 seconds in):

 

When I was in high school, I wrote a speech for a competition about how Terminator was the greatest love story of our time. I still stand by this. HE TRAVELED ACROSS TIME FOR HER! The speech was pretty epic and went over well with my peers. I think the judges at the competition didn’t know what to make of it. Obviously, those judges had their heads planted firmly up their asses in the year 1984 when Terminator came out, otherwise I would have won.

I wish this were an album cover.

Some basics according to IMDB:

Full Name: Michael Connell Biehn

Born: July 31, 1956 in Anniston, Alabama, USA

Height: 6′! Mama like.

Films/Television: He’s acted in 85 titles. Including Tombstone with fellow Vintage Crush, Val Kilmer. He’s also written and directed two things that no one probably cares about.

Fun Fact: Or ‘Sad Fact’…it said that the studio pushed for a nomination for best supporting actor for his role in The Abyss (excellent movie!) but he didn’t get it. Boo! He should have been nominated for Terminator.

…and, just tell me a time and place.

The last part of this is about to get to’ally nerdy.

 

Come with me if you want to live.

“Was there someone special?” “Special?” “A girl, you know?”

No, never.

“Sorry, I’m so sorry.”

So much pain.

 “Pain can be controlled. You just disconnect it.” “So you feel nothing?”

John Connor gave me a picture of you once. I didn’t know why at the time.

“It was very old, torn, faded.”

You were young, like you are now.

“You seemed just a little sad.”

I used to always wonder what you were thinking at that moment.

“I memorized every line, every curve.”

I came across time for you Sarah.

I love you. I always have.

I shouldn’t have said that.

Cue the music.

Intensify the music.

I think we know when John Connor got made.

…and scene.

You don’t even want to know how much time I spent on that! But hey, at least I’m not making fan videos set to the music of Sarah McLachlan.

Have a good night everyone!

Favorite Thing: Spam Comments

Sometimes I like to check out what’s been building up in ye olde spam comment box. I am never disappointed.

Like this for example:

“CARROT BOY PETER PAN HARRYS BUM , LIAMS BODY ZAYNS EYES NIALS SMILE COMEONE WHY ARENT THEY STILL TRENDING:(” This was a comment hoping to be posted on a ‘This Week in Searches‘, but obviously did not make it through the spam security guards. After googling a few of these terms, I discovered (Meaghan, P.I.I.) that it was the work of some rabid fans of a U.K. boyband called One Direction, to get these guys trending on Twitter. The fans call themselves “One Directioners”. I know which one direction they are all heading, nowhere, but I’m too kind to say. Apparently these guys finished 3rd on the 7th series of The X-Factor. Good for them!

I found this clip of one of their auditions:

My main reaction was, “what the fuck is this shit?” I mean, one of them has a single bloody tear dripping out of his eye. The other one has bite marks on his neck. Stop trying to Twilight “Total Eclipse of the Heart”! Show some respect to your elders, lads.

Then I watched this video and while I was also laughing, I thought, “hey this isn’t so bad”.

I’m definitely too old to like this shit. But part of me can’t help it! I’m so glad I have 15 year old boys telling me I’m beautiful without makeup and all that jazz, otherwise I’d be lost in this world. And let me just say this: their fans will never be anything compared to Backstreet Boys fans. KTBSPA!

I’m a little sad that now a small part of my brain is occupied with information about One Direction. I can’t get that space back.

This comment is pretty awesome, because it has nothing to do with the post the ‘person’ commented on: “I’d been hunting for some good guidance on bouquets when I came upon this site. You’ve some awesome information here, can i use some of this article on my personal flower blogging site? I would needless to say weblink here to allow folks can read the main post. Appreciate it either way.”

This was meant to be a comment on “Vintage Jonathan Frakes“! Sure you can use that on a personal flower blogging site, although I’m not sure what Jonathan Frakes has to do with bouquets. Maybe his beard has a special power that keeps bouquets alive longer? It makes total sense when you really think about it.

This one is my favorite because it’s spam, but it could also sort of not be…if I don’t think too hard about it. It was meant to be a comment on my first “Favorite Things” post: “Please tell me that youre going to keep this up! Its so great and so important. I cant wait to read far more from you. I just feel like you know so substantially and know how to make people listen to what youve got to say. This weblog is just also cool to be missed. Excellent stuff, really. Please, PLEASE keep it up!”

See?! It’s almost like it could be real and someone just really thinks this blog is super great. I mean, it is great and important. I do know so substantially (whatever that means) and I am pretty good at making people listen to what I have to say. This blog is too cool to be missed! I should just approve this comment so people will think that I am super, totally, so substantially cool, and excellent.

I mean, I am. Now I just need to start spamming other blogs with comments. Really drive the traffic up at old Hilarious and Negative.

This Week in Searches

Alright, it’s Friday, it’s rainy, and I should probably be watching the two movies I have out from Netflix before it turns into Qwikster.

Let’s get down to business.

2011-09-16 to Today

 

Search Views
val kilmer 124
sylvester stallone cobra 39
jean claude van damme hot 30
cobra sylvester stallone 25
jean claude van damme 23
jean claude van damme naked 9
val kilmer shirtless 9
samuel elliott 8
gwildor 8
jean-claude van damme 6
jean claude van damme ass 5
robert redford mustache 5
lifeguard movie 5
jean claude van damme now 4
one ton dad 4
sylvester stallone kobra 4
schmitts gay 4
val kilmer top gun shirtless 4
jean claude van damme 2011 3
chan clon van dame sin ropa 3
sylvester stallone-cobra 3
tim daly 3
sylvester stallone 3
tim daly hot 3
i hate whistling 2
the women with giant legs 2
sylvester stallone vintage 2
one ton teen 2
hilarious pet peeves 2
van damme ass 2
tim daly wings 2
gwildor masters of the universe 2
van damme naked 2
vintage diving board 2
hipster winter 2
jean claude 2
tim daly emmy 2011 2
jean claude van damme in the splits 2
baby born with a mermaid tail 2
robert redford out of africa 2
val kilmer pics 2
jean cluade van dam/2011 2
jean claude vandame nude 2
yan clon bandam hot 2
cobra sylvester 2
jean claude splits 2
sylvester stallone in cobra 2
www stallone cobra com. 2
jonathan frakes 2
robert redford 2
lifeguard the movie 2
pic of sylvester stallone in cobra 2
robert redford hair 1
star trek 1
aj mclean nkotbsb concert pictures 1
hate whistling 1
aj mclean 1
picture of jean-claude van damme doing the splits 1
cobra silvester 1
no whistiling zone sign 1
van damme doing splits 1
tlc lady with the giant legs 1
kilmer 1
schmitts gay snl 1
pregnant mermaid 1
sly stallone cobra 1
roy scheider 1
images de sylvester stallone dans cobra 1
wallpapers of jean claude van damme . 1
jean claude van damme butt 1
val kilmer willow 1
jean claude van damme wallpaper 1
alexander james mclean 1
jean claude van damme doing splits 1
half-ton dad update 1
spring ball ariel by disney princess club 1
a.j. mclean 1
фингеры 1
mermaid young girl on oprah 1
fotos de val kilmer 1
man that nearly weighed a ton who was on tlc television show 1
val kilmar shirtless 1
no whistle zone 1
val kilmer foto 1
tlc the woman with the giant legs 1
van damme arse 1
best strip club anchorage 1
training montages are cool 1
fotos hot de jean claude van dame 1
vall kilmer 1
cigarette holder 1
luke perry gay or not 1
cartoon unicorns 1
i will give you a call this weekend 1
1976 lifeguard 1
silvester stalone kobra 1
cobra sly stallone 1
sylvester stallone cobra picture 1
jean claude van damme nude 1
pictures of unicorns and rainbows 1
lisa frank 1
cobra, sylvester stallone 1
sylvester stallone cobra pictures 1
jean-claude van damme 2011 1
sylvester stallone, as cobra 1
van damme hot 1
image de sylvester stallone dans cobra 1
shaun claude van dam 1
young val kilmer shirtless 1
jean-claude van damme ass 1
jean claude van damme underwear 1
sylvester stalone cobra 1
jcvd butt 1
van damme jean-claude 1
jean-claude 1

 

Okay, it’s safe to say that Val Kilmer is killing it in search terms yet again. I won’t bore you with this anymore.

Here are some of my favorite search terms this week that led people over to Hilarious and Negative Land:

chan clon van dame sin ropa, yan clon bandam hot, and shaun claude van dam. Oh my god you guys! I laughed so hard when I saw these three egregious spellings of Jean Claude Van Damme’s name. Chan Clon? Also, I like how they were looking for Chan Clon without clothes on. Is this is a human hybrid of Jackie Chan and Van Damme? That would be interesting to see. Yan Clon Bandam is hot! Shaun Claude! Is he Irish? I love that you can type in some weird variation of Jean Claude Van Damme’s name and all the search results are for him. It’s like Google knows what the people want. I mean, I typed in don clon vandan’ just for fun, and the first result is JCVD’s Wikipedia page! Priceless.

pictures of unicorns and rainbows. What? Are you in a fucking good mood or something? Get the fuck out of here. We only like unicorns and rainbows around these here parts when we are talking about someone blowing them out of their ass. I hope you learned your lesson!

luke perry gay or not. Never. And I just know it was a man searching for this information. You can’t have them all, okay? You already have some good ones, like Neil Patrick Harris, Ricky Martin, Rufus Wainwright, and B.D. Wong. Leave some for us.

man that nearly weighed a ton who was on tlc television show. I just like this because of how detailed the search was. I mean, TLC has really cornered the market on “documentaries” about morbidly obese people, so all you’d have to do is type, “TLC FAT GUY” and I’m sure you’d find what you are looking for. This is part of my new life as a library student. Helping people search for things.

Meaghan, P.I…I (Private Internet Investigator).

%d bloggers like this: