The 98% humorous musings of M. Lizabeth Currain

Tag: dancing

Favorite Thing: Training Montages.

I’m alive! The date was really good. He is super cute! However, I know better than to get my hopes up…so I guess I’ll wait to see if he wants to hang out again. He hasn’t texted me or anything today…or responded to the message I sent him on OkCupid a little while ago. Apparently, it seems as though I am only cool enough for one night. Lame.

Now what you all came here for! Another one of my favorite things! This week it is training montages. I seriously can not get enough of them. This song from South Park pretty much sums up everything that is great about training montages:



I love these montages because they always have slammin’ music and can cover so much ground in only a few minutes. I honestly wish there was a company out there that specialized in making training montages for normal folk who are getting in shape. Someone follows you to your workouts for like 6 months or a year and at the end you have this five minute video of you going from lame to amazing all set to a sweet 80’s soundtrack! I think that this could be a serious money making venture. I know that I would love to have a training montage of myself! Especially when I start to take my boxing lessons next week. It might look a little something like this:



Here are a few of my favorite training montages.


I kid you not, I used to watch this movie every weekend. I had such a huge crush on Jonathan Brandis! I even wrote him a fan letter, which was not directly related to his suicide. For some reason this movie really spoke to me. He wasn’t that great at sports, but then he found something he was good at and it cured his asthma! It’s every kids dream. I always look for this movie on DVD, but I can never find it. Thank god someone put the whole thing on YouTube…now I can watch it whenever I want! I also love that his mentor in the movie is the guy from Conan. That’s credibility.


This montage has the added bonus of Chris Meloni in a half shirt!


Who doesn’t love a good white guy teaches another white guy how to dance montage? It counts as training! Dancing is a sport.


My boy Van Damme! Bloodsport was another movie I watched every weekend. TBS and TNT used to play this movie like it was going out of style. If one of my favorite things was 2-minute long screaming because you got powder in your eyes during a competition, this movie would definitely be on that very short list as well.



You didn’t honestly think I was going to make it through this post without putting this one in here, did you? This is my absolute favorite montage of all time. ALL TIME. I think I account for all 955,010 of it’s YouTube views. There is no beating it.

No Pain! Enjoy the rest of your long weekend!

Vintage Jean Claude Van Damme


Here we are, another Sunday evening! I think you all know what that means…a trip down memory lane. This week’s Vintage Crush holds a very special place in my heart. I present you all with one of the first (of many) loves of my life: Jean Claude Van Damme.


Why yes! I will join you on that diving board!


If that picture up above isn’t reason enough as to why I am naming him the Vintage Crush of the week and for some reason you all need an explanation, here goes: When I was growing up, I thought he was really hot. Is that explanation enough for you?! It’s not? Okay, I’ll try again. I was maybe 9 or 10 when I saw my first Van Damme movie. It was either Bloodsport or Kickboxer. Both excellent films. Both about a foreign-born, American man fighting in some secret competition. In both he has his shirt off a lot. I was easy to please as a kid. I remember really liking his accent and his boyish smile. I didn’t even mind all his high-waist, pleated pants. When I watch the movies now, I find his awful fashions endearing–that’s saying a lot.  In all his (early) movies he came off as the tough, but sensitive type. In Lionheart he was trying to protect his dead brother’s family. I remember being very jealous of the little girl in that movie because she got to hug him a lot. It was unfair! I really wish the internet had been in full effect when I was at peak Van Damme fervor…considering I just spent the past 40 minutes Googling images of him in the name of research. The best 40 minutes of my week!

Just check out these splits! I wanted it to be of him doing splits in his underwear in Timecop, but all the ones I found were not of the highest quality. Van Damme deserves the best!


This should creep me out, but it doesn’t.


Some basics according to IMDB:

Full Name: Jean-Claude Camille François Van Varenberg

Born: October 18, 1960 in Berchem-Sainte-Agathe, Brussels, Belgium

Height: 5’9″

Films/Television: 47 (I just saw on his imdb profile that he is listed to be in Expendables 2!!!!). Also, he wrote Lionheart…all that sentiment was real!

Awards: Um…it’s best not to talk about that.

…and let’s just say that I wouldn’t say no. I know it’s kind of gross, but I mean…he’s Jean Claude Van Damme! Although, I’d insist that he spoke entirely in French. But I’m also willing to waver on that demand. I have a sickness. A sickness that can only be cured by more JCVD!


Twerk it!


Now, I know a lot of his movies post Sudden Death (I’m being generous folks) aren’t everyone’s cup of tea, but at least the man is out there makin’ a buck doing what he loves! He knows what his fans want and he delivers that time and time again. You have to respect his commitment to his art and his followers. However, I think Jean Claude has some acting chops that are rarely utilized. This was apparent when he did JCVD in 2008. He was playing a version of himself, I realize this, but it was gritty, he was able to speak in his native language, and it wasn’t all fight scenes. I think if he really wanted, he could have a career in some dark, foreign, independent films. Hey, Jean Claude, if you need a new agent, I’m available!

I will defend Van Damme in pretty much all situations–that’s how deep my love is for him. This is a guy that built himself up and made his dreams a reality. I applaud that. Just look at how adorable he was while he was makin’ those dreams come true.


Athletic, hipster Van Damme


Also, in case some of you were looking for ass-shots of my boy check out this post over at MNPP. You will certainly not regret it, he has one of the best butts in show biz!

Now, I leave you with a parting gift as always. This clip is one of the reasons my love for Van Damme is so deep. Every fiber of my being tells me I should be embarrassed for him and for myself for liking it so much…but MUSCLES!



Have a great Monday everyone!


Trainmance is a portmaneau for “train” and “romance”…it hasn’t really caught on yet, except for a couple of friends that I use it with, so right now it’s a protologism. Which according to Wikipedia is:

“A protologism is a new word created in the hope that it will become accepted. A protologism may be no more than suggestion of a word that might be used…The term protologism…was coined by Mikhail Epstein in 2003.

My blog just got really smart for a second. I sort of attach “mance” a lot of other words, so long as those words are places where there is a potential to meet someone. Par example: planemance, linemance, barmance, storemance. I think you get the point. If there a two things that I am always on the lookout for it, it’s a trainmance or a storemance.

I was once on a flight from Seattle to New York–that had been delayed, natch–so there was plenty of time for the people who were waiting around in the terminal to make love connections. Of course, I was not one of those people. I just had to sit next to a planemance couple on 6 hour flight and they were awful. The boy looked like a weird version of John Travolta in his glory days and the girl looked like she had just stepped off of the Rock of Love tour bus. I was trying to read, and they tried engaging me in conversation about my book. Trust me when I say, that the look on my face was nowhere near what anyone would call inviting.


They drank the whole flight and were holding hands and snuggling as best as one can on a plane (I wouldn’t know!). I pretty sure that if they had been smart enough to find a way to boink each other in the bathroom, they would have done it. Well, about 30 minutes before landing, there was really bad turbulence, and I was like, “whatevs” because I’ve been on flights where the wing of the plane was struck by lightening and I survived…but this girl was cuddling up to her planemance, all scared. I almost threw up, and not from the turbulence. So when we landed, she looks at this boy and she goes, “Weren’t you scared? It was so scary!” and he goes, “I was, but I didn’t want to show it, because I didn’t want you to get more scared.” Literally. I couldn’t even make that up if I wanted to. Then they walked off hand-in-hand into the sunset to baggage claim. For the sake of humanity, I hope their “relationship” ended outside of the airport.

So, on my way home from work this evening, the train was crowded as usual, and I was holding on to one of the center poles along with four other people. I was minding my own bidness, but out of the corner of my eye, I can see this kid singing along to his iPod(I literally just typed “eyePod”). He looks a little something like this:


He has got to be one of the worst people ever.

But with a hat, scarf, and headphones…

I'm not good enough at photoshop to 'shop in a winter coat.

Now, this kid was really going full force with his sing along. He was even dancing. Which looked a little something like this:

Now, I’m not one of those people that can ignore what is going on around me. Especially when it is as something as glorious as some kid going full force Britney’s Dance Beat on the train. Luckily, I was not alone in this. As I was watching this kid, I heard a boyish chuckle come from the guy next to me. We looked at each other. And we had a moment. Because we knew we were witnessing something special. We laughed together, at the absurdity of what we were watching. We were the only two people watching this! It was hard to miss folks; believe me. He was doing everything except dropping down to get his eagle on.

(and yes, I watched this video in it’s entirety.)

We talked about his dance moves and how we’ll never reach that level of skill. Then the train stopped. And they both got of the train…the entertainment and my trainmance. He said goodbye. I smiled. He was cute. Sort of bookish, but tall. And obviously with it enough to know that that dancing fool was a gem.

It’s one of those things where you hear about people who have met each other on a train, or something like that, and you wonder how it’s possible. Because I make eyes at pretty much every attractive guy on the train and nothing seems to work! I kid…sort of. There has got to be a way to meet people, organically. How does it happen?!

If he knows what’s good for him, he’ll post a missed connection about this tonight!

**Hipster picture Courtesy of Look at that Fucking Hipser

%d bloggers like this: