Ahmusings

The 98% humorous musings of M. Lizabeth Currain

Tag: entertainment

Wednesdays

I think that if we were to look in an online picture dictionary, next to Wednesday would be this:

 

 

Let’s be real here. We only like Wednesday because it’s two days away from Monday. But we also hate Wednesday because it’s two days from Friday.

WHAT SIDE ARE YOU ON WEDNESDAY?

Royal Baby

 

People (I’m talking about Americans) who get unreasonably annoyed that the coverage of the royal baby being born are just as annoying as those who get unreasonably excited about. Different sides of the same coin. 

What are you so upset about?! Conversely, what are you so excited about?!

In conclusion: shut up about not caring about this baby! And shut up about how excited you are! 

Business Venture

So I’ve decided on a new business venture. And I’m hoping that some of you will help me get the word out. So here’s the plan: I am going to offer critiques of guys OkCupid profiles for a low cost of $10 and a rewrite for $35. Fuck it, for $10 bucks I will prescreen the message you are about to send to the girl of your dreams for anything weird/disgusting/offensive that would potentially turn her off.

I’ve spent a lot of time on OkCupid, read a lot of profiles–mostly bad–and been on my fair share of OkCupid dates. Also mostly bad. I know my way around a profile. I think it’s time that I spread my knowledge around and help those that are struggling at attracting the kind of people they want to. We all know that I’m good at breaking down a profile, it’s time to put those skills to use and not just for my own personal entertainment. There are just so many poorly written OkCupid profiles out there. It’s shocking and gross. Also, disturbing and funny. Now, the point is not to make you a completely different person online than you are IRL (in real life, in case you are reading this before the year 2010). I just want you to help you have a coherent profile that doesn’t immediately turn people off. The internet dating profile is essentially the Elevator Pitch of dating. You basically either hook within the first few sentences or they click on “NakedLunch1981” who happens to be “more adventurous” than you. I can help you with this. I can help make your profile vomit proof. You won’t regret it.

Contact me at m.lizabeth.currain@gmail.com if you’re interested or if you have a stubborn friend whose profile is in desperate need of help.

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