Ahmusings

The 98% humorous musings of M. Lizabeth Currain

Tag: fashion design

Aliza Licht’s Reveal is Definitely the Worst ‘It Gets Better’ Video of All Time.

In dishonor of New York Fashion Week (Feb 9th-16th) I am going to be sharing some fashion related thoughts with all of you throughout the week. As a note, I have a degree in Fashion Design and spent some time working for various fashion companies. It was the worst. I continue to have opinions about fashion, the main one being: Seriously, what the fuck are you wearing? So for the next week don your best headband and enjoy the ride.

 via

In the worst coming out story you’ll hear this week (straight ladies can’t do anything right), Aliza Licht, senior vice president for global communications at Donna Karan International, has revealed herself as the woman behind @DKNY’s DKNY PR Girl. It only took the New York Times about four months to notice, letting everyone know how slow of a news day it actually was.

“I CAME out on YouTube,” said Aliza Licht, who until recently was known to her legion of Twitter fans only as DKNY PR girl. “Of course, where else would you come out?”

How quaint! YouTube, the internet cat theater, is finally doing some good. I’m sure all 380,000 of her followers bought tickets for the midnight showing of the most self aggrandizing Twitter unveiling of our century.

“Seated at the Four Seasons lobby the other day (her pick for the roaring fireplace), Ms. Licht pondered her next steps. “I’ve never thought of myself as a public person,” she said.”

Really, you never thought of yourself as a public person? Interesting how the word “public” comes right before the word “relations.” Also, Twitter? Really? You’re not a public person, but you’re sharing every detail of your career and how you enjoyed a squished cake pop? Stop trying to sound modest; everyone knows your Fashion 2.0 Award for Best Twitter and Best Blog is practically a Pulitzer.

The whole article is barf-worthy. Let me just pull out some of my favorite quotes:

“Ms. Licht, a 37-year-old mother of two, grew up in the Five Towns area of Long Island, with dreams of becoming a plastic surgeon. It took a summer internship at a hospital to relieve her of that notion. “I can’t wear scrubs every day,” she said, throwing her head back and laughing. “I love fashion too much.'”

I love when people say things like, “I love fashion too much” as a reason to why they can’t or won’t do something. “Oh, I could never be a mathematician, I just love fashion too much.” Yeah, that’s the reason why could never be a mathematician. I know she is trying to sound charming and relatable in this piece about her, but she coming off as some sort of prententious try-hard.

“Her online voice comes across as girlie and intimate (morning routine, weekend mani-pedis and “Gossip Girl” critiques) but knowledgeable. She’ll discuss inner workings under the hashtag #PR101, as in “Attention to detail is everything. The wrong colored binder clip can destroy your presentation.'”

Yes, just what we need more of: grown women adopting a girlie facade in order to get people to pay attention to her. I understand wanting to produce something that makes people feel like they are a close part of your life, but you can do that without undermining your credibility as a professional/grown ass woman. She’s obivously worked very hard for the position that she has and it would be nice for those tweets to reflect that. Instead of hearing how “Listening to @MissJennaB place our 20 person sushi order just now was the most painful thing I have done all day.” Really, that’s the most painful thing you’ve done all day? You’re the VP for Global Communications! Surely you have responsibilities that are equally as painful as listening to a sushi order.

‘”The friends you make on Twitter are real relationships'”

I’m sure they are. I’ve met all my best, fake friends through the internet.

Men, Stop with the “Creative” Denim

In dishonor of New York Fashion Week (Feb 9th-16th) I am going to be sharing some fashion related thoughts with all of you throughout the week. As a note, I have a degree in Fashion Design and spent some time working for various fashion companies. It was the worst. I continue to have opinions about fashion, the main one being: Seriously, what the fuck are you wearing? So for the next week don your best headband and enjoy the ride.

 

Obviously there is a lot more wrong with this pair of jeans than just what’s on the pockets. The rise on this pair of jeans is out of control. The zipper looks like it is a foot long. The wash makes me want to barf (shiny denim is gross!) and the color of the stitching screams, “I will put a roofie in your drink when your back is turned.”

Are your eyes bleeding yet? I see jeans like this way more than I should. They just look so…what’s the word I’m looking for? Ah, yes: DUMB. I’d rather see a guy in dad jeans than in a pair that have weird whiskering, oddly placed fading, and bunching at the ankles.

As men, you have the unique advantage of being able to wear a pair of nicely fitted, plain old jeans with no stupid fucking embellishments, and a plain t-shirt and still look really, really good. But some of you have to go and ruin it! With things like this:

Just because they cost a lot, doesn't mean they look good!

or these!

Oh for fuck's sake.

So here’s my advice for all you guys out there and you know what, this is probably good advice for ladies too:

  • Rhinestones don’t belong on jeans.
  • Zippers belong at the crotch. And for the ladies, you can have them at the ankles.
  • No writing whatsoever on jeans. Especially on the ass.
  • Stitching shouldn’t be the first things you notice about the jeans. People should be looking at how hot your ass is.
  • There shouldn’t be elaborate embroidered dragons or tigers on your back pockets: I’m looking at you Ed Hardy!
  • Flap pockets do not look good on men. They barely look good on women. Just do yourself a favor and stick with the patch pockets.
  • Find a pair that fits your body. Not someone else’s body. Not the body you wish you had. Your body.

And if you happen to look like this in your jeans, feel free to get in contact with me,I’m single.

Can You Not Afford An Entire Shirt?!

In dishonor of New York Fashion Week (Feb 9th-16th) I am going to be sharing some fashion related thoughts with all of you throughout the week. As a note, I have a degree in Fashion Design and spent some time working for various fashion companies. It was the worst. I continue to have opinions about fashion, the main one being: Seriously, what the fuck are you wearing? So for the next week don your best headband and enjoy the ride.

 

Seriously you guys, what is the deal with half shirts? Can we just all agree that they are universally unflattering? No one looks good in a half shirt. You end up looking like you forgot the rest of your outfit in 1991. The garbage can that is American Apparel is full of them.

They are not practical; your stomach will be cold. What about summer you say? That’s what flowy tank tops are for. Invest in some. You’ll still be able to wear them when you’re bloated.

Also, guys in half shirts. Please. Do us all a favor and just stop. You look like the biggest jackass. You’re not doing yourself any favors. You’re killing lady boners and man boners. YOU’RE KILLING ALL TYPES OF BONERS.

Too be fair, it’s not all the crop top’s fault in this case. Ugh. Sorry guys, I just threw up all over my computer. I’m soldiering on, typing though the vomit.

So, please if you’re reading this, and you know of someone who is committing the heinous crime of half-shirting; report them. Take a picture of them and then force them to look at it until their eyes bleed. Like ours are bleeding. It’s the only way that we can stop this.

 

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