Ahmusings

The 98% humorous musings of M. Lizabeth Currain

Tag: fiction

Biggest Loser Recap: Episode 8

 

I present to you my thoughts on Week Eight of The Biggest Loser in Haiku* form.

They lack self control
Daphne hoses pb cups, revenge
A storm is coming

Daphne pulls a switch
Not so anonymus, everyone suspects
Of course Conda is whining

Black team is the worst
Now that Winter Witch  is here
Conda gains a pound, figures

Daphne gets the boot
Conda runs her mouth, never shuts up
Please let her be next

Another week down at the Biggest Loser ranch and Conda is still the most annoying, person on the planet! When will she go home?! I hate her. She is seriously ruining this show. Tune in next week!!

*I checked and triple checked those damn syllables. So don’t even try and tell me these are not Haikus!; because they are now!

Biggest Loser Recap: Episode 7

I present to you my thoughts on Week Six of The Biggest Loser in Haiku* form.

Dolvett and Conda in her hometown
Conda has daddy issues, surprise
We all still hate you

Teammates write nice words
Must have been hard to find them
Since she sucks so bad.

Daphne climbing stairs
Hardwork, revenge for your bro
Put an end to Conda please

Red loses weigh in, duh
Bold lies at voting always
Stop with the fake tears

People can’t vote right
A sharp knife in Santa’s back
No presents this year

There you have it guys! All you needed to know about this week’s episode of The Biggest Loser! Let me know what you think in the comments! Hopefully next week will be the end of Conda! Can we all agree that she is the worst thing to happen to biggest loser since John last season?

*I checked and triple checked those damn syllables. So don’t even try and tell me these are not Haikus!; because they are now!

Another Installment

Sometimes when I’m feeling a little down or just bored, I look at male catalog models and make up chick-literature like stories about them. It’s a fun way to pass the time. And it never gets old. Seriously, read them more than once, they get more ridiculous with each reading.

Some back story: This is Jason (editor’s note: at least that’s what I’ve been calling him) and he comes from the Eddie Bauer catalog. Jason likes hiking and being out in nature. He teaches horticulture classes at one of the universities where he lives. He loves playing Words with Friends, he can’t get enough of it. He especially loves trying to beat his girlfriend at it…but he never does. Sometimes he cheats and she knows, but she lets him get away with it, because he’s so handsome and always makes her blueberry pancakes on the Saturday mornings when they’re together. They’ve been going out for a little while and he’s been looking for the right time to tell her something…and what better time than when you’re on a hike?

“Jason, just because I said I liked hiking doesn’t mean that I like hiking.” M. sighed heavily as she took off her backpack.

Jason looked at her with a small smile on his face, “So what does it mean, M?”

“It means that I like the idea of hiking. There’s a serious difference.” M sat on nearby rock and took a sip of her water.

“I just thought it would be a nice way for us to spend the day together.”

“Ugh, you are making it impossible for me to be hating this right now. It’s just that, you know how I feel about going to the bathroom outdoors.”

Jason laughed, “I know, I know! It’s actually kind of endearing, you not wanting to pee in the wilderness.”

“Oh shut up! It’s easy for you! I have to make sure I don’t pee on myself! That’s not cool at all!” M tossed her water bottle at him and he laughed as he caught it.

“You’re so weird.”

“I know.” She looked at him smiling.

“That’s why I love you.” Jason sat next to her on rock.

“Wait, what did you just say?” M turned to look at him, not sure if he had actually said those words to her.

“I said I love you.”

“That’s what I thought you said.” Jason touched the side of her face and sighed.

“You’re so beautiful. I just want to tell you that every day.”

M let out a small laugh, “I won’t stop you.”

“Nice. This is why I keep you around.” Jason put his arm around M’s and she rested her head on his shoulder, nestling herself into the groove of his neck.

“I love you too.”

Jason looked down at her, “Really?”

M looked up and laughed, “Ha! Why are you so surprised? I was just waiting for you to say it first.”

Jason rolled his eyes, “You would! You’re so difficult.”

“Whatever, you love me.” M. smiled.

“I know.” Jason pulled M.’s face up to his and kissed her.

“See, that’s why I keep you around.” M grabbed Jason’s hand as they sat on that rock, watching the leaves glisten in the sunlight.

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