The 98% humorous musings of M. Lizabeth Currain

Tag: financial woes

This Is What $75K Looks Like

In case any of you were ever wondering what $75,000 (plus interest!) looks like or what it buys you, let me enlighten you.


Now, I don’t want to sound entitled, but I think  for $75k they should have at least included a frame. So not only did I spend almost a $100 grand on a piece of paper that looks like it was made by students in the Graphic Design program, I now have to spend an extra $20 for a frame?  Seriously, look at this piece of shit. I am pretty sure that is a sticker at the top under the name of the school I went to. A STICKER. And what font is that even? Times New Roman? I’m surprised they didn’t print it in Wing Dings.

And let’s not even get into the fact that Forbes named Library Science THE WORST MASTER’S DEGREE TO GET. And Pratt couldn’t even make up for that fact by printing it on a piece of paper larger than your standard 8.5″ by 11″.

And just for fun, I dug up my Diploma from undergrad and did a little comparison.

Look at how much bigger that thing is! And look at the delicate scribbles around the name of the university, which may I point out is IN LATIN. In fact, the whole god damn thing is in Latin, except for my fucking name. And for four years, it was roughly the same price when you factor in scholarships and various other things I did to get my tuition down (blow jobs, hand jobs, etc.). And! All that stuff was embossed! EMBOSSED. They had better sense than to use a fucking sticker.

So let me break this down for you in case you still aren’t getting it. $75,000 will get you an 8.5″ by 11″, MS Paint, Lisa Frank sticker wearing, Wing Ding, unframed piece OF BULLSHIT THAT WON’T GET YOU A JOB THAT WILL ALLOW YOU TO PAY BACK YOUR STUDENT LOANS BEFORE YOU DIE.

Returned Check

I am sure by now, that all of you are familiar with my financial woes. Well luckily for all of you, I have one more pathetic anecdote. On Friday, when I went to the bank to get my rent check–I don’t like writing a personal check for my rent, I learned that lesson in the 2nd month of me living in this apartment. I took the management company almost an entire month to deposit the check, which is insane, because when I get a check, especially one for a large sum of money, I want it in my account as soon as possible. This whole f-i-asco resulted in numerous phone calls, to a certain Brooklyn-accented young lady who shall remain nameless, that were less than pleasant. Also, my rent is due the 5th of the month, so I wasn’t waiting until the last possible minute, if that is what you all are thinking.

Back to the bank. I went up, all prepared, with my withdrawal slip, prepared to take out $750. Well, the teller looks at me and says, “You only have bubkes in your account.” He didn’t actually say bubkes, but I figure I should keep some things to myself; however my bank account is similar to this. I was caught a bit off guard and started racking my brain, trying to figure out if I had somehow blown through $750 without knowing it, because I had just deposited my paycheck that past Monday, so I should have had enough money. I told him that I had made a deposit for slightly (and when I say slightly, I mean like five bucks). He asked me if I had the the receipt, which I did, and then he says–get ready for this–“That check got returned.” My initial vocal reaction at this poor guy was, “Are you fucking serious?!” I mean, my PAYCHECK, from my EMPLOYER, got RETURNED. The check bounced (how frightening is that video?!). All I could manage to get out of my mouth sans violent swearing was that, “it was my paycheck, and how could it bounce? It’s from a bank.” Backing away from me slowly, he said, “Just because it’s from a bank, doesn’t mean it’s good.” This is coming from someone at Washington Mutual, so they know a thing or two, about a thing or two.

Turns out, the organization that I work for, didn’t have quite enough money to cover everyone’s paychecks. So on Friday I had to go and get a replacement paycheck–I would have preferred piles of cash–and also had to submit a bank statement, so I could be reimbursed for the $12 returned check fee. I don’t really think, that there should be a fee for someone else’s check bouncing. Is it really my fault that I associate with deadbeats who hand out bad checks?

This just adds more fuel to my “I need a new job” fire. Which is reaching forest fire potential. Unfortunately, at the moment, I lack any sort of direction. I was at a party with a friend, and we were talking to some of her other friends, and this one girl said about how her career/life is moving in all different directions. Mine isn’t moving in any direction–except down, if you factor in that bounced paycheck.

%d bloggers like this: