Ahmusings

The 98% humorous musings of M. Lizabeth Currain

Tag: internet

This Week in Searches

Alright, it’s Friday, it’s rainy, and I should probably be watching the two movies I have out from Netflix before it turns into Qwikster.

Let’s get down to business.

2011-09-16 to Today

 

Search Views
val kilmer 124
sylvester stallone cobra 39
jean claude van damme hot 30
cobra sylvester stallone 25
jean claude van damme 23
jean claude van damme naked 9
val kilmer shirtless 9
samuel elliott 8
gwildor 8
jean-claude van damme 6
jean claude van damme ass 5
robert redford mustache 5
lifeguard movie 5
jean claude van damme now 4
one ton dad 4
sylvester stallone kobra 4
schmitts gay 4
val kilmer top gun shirtless 4
jean claude van damme 2011 3
chan clon van dame sin ropa 3
sylvester stallone-cobra 3
tim daly 3
sylvester stallone 3
tim daly hot 3
i hate whistling 2
the women with giant legs 2
sylvester stallone vintage 2
one ton teen 2
hilarious pet peeves 2
van damme ass 2
tim daly wings 2
gwildor masters of the universe 2
van damme naked 2
vintage diving board 2
hipster winter 2
jean claude 2
tim daly emmy 2011 2
jean claude van damme in the splits 2
baby born with a mermaid tail 2
robert redford out of africa 2
val kilmer pics 2
jean cluade van dam/2011 2
jean claude vandame nude 2
yan clon bandam hot 2
cobra sylvester 2
jean claude splits 2
sylvester stallone in cobra 2
www stallone cobra com. 2
jonathan frakes 2
robert redford 2
lifeguard the movie 2
pic of sylvester stallone in cobra 2
robert redford hair 1
star trek 1
aj mclean nkotbsb concert pictures 1
hate whistling 1
aj mclean 1
picture of jean-claude van damme doing the splits 1
cobra silvester 1
no whistiling zone sign 1
van damme doing splits 1
tlc lady with the giant legs 1
kilmer 1
schmitts gay snl 1
pregnant mermaid 1
sly stallone cobra 1
roy scheider 1
images de sylvester stallone dans cobra 1
wallpapers of jean claude van damme . 1
jean claude van damme butt 1
val kilmer willow 1
jean claude van damme wallpaper 1
alexander james mclean 1
jean claude van damme doing splits 1
half-ton dad update 1
spring ball ariel by disney princess club 1
a.j. mclean 1
фингеры 1
mermaid young girl on oprah 1
fotos de val kilmer 1
man that nearly weighed a ton who was on tlc television show 1
val kilmar shirtless 1
no whistle zone 1
val kilmer foto 1
tlc the woman with the giant legs 1
van damme arse 1
best strip club anchorage 1
training montages are cool 1
fotos hot de jean claude van dame 1
vall kilmer 1
cigarette holder 1
luke perry gay or not 1
cartoon unicorns 1
i will give you a call this weekend 1
1976 lifeguard 1
silvester stalone kobra 1
cobra sly stallone 1
sylvester stallone cobra picture 1
jean claude van damme nude 1
pictures of unicorns and rainbows 1
lisa frank 1
cobra, sylvester stallone 1
sylvester stallone cobra pictures 1
jean-claude van damme 2011 1
sylvester stallone, as cobra 1
van damme hot 1
image de sylvester stallone dans cobra 1
shaun claude van dam 1
young val kilmer shirtless 1
jean-claude van damme ass 1
jean claude van damme underwear 1
sylvester stalone cobra 1
jcvd butt 1
van damme jean-claude 1
jean-claude 1

 

Okay, it’s safe to say that Val Kilmer is killing it in search terms yet again. I won’t bore you with this anymore.

Here are some of my favorite search terms this week that led people over to Hilarious and Negative Land:

chan clon van dame sin ropa, yan clon bandam hot, and shaun claude van dam. Oh my god you guys! I laughed so hard when I saw these three egregious spellings of Jean Claude Van Damme’s name. Chan Clon? Also, I like how they were looking for Chan Clon without clothes on. Is this is a human hybrid of Jackie Chan and Van Damme? That would be interesting to see. Yan Clon Bandam is hot! Shaun Claude! Is he Irish? I love that you can type in some weird variation of Jean Claude Van Damme’s name and all the search results are for him. It’s like Google knows what the people want. I mean, I typed in don clon vandan’ just for fun, and the first result is JCVD’s Wikipedia page! Priceless.

pictures of unicorns and rainbows. What? Are you in a fucking good mood or something? Get the fuck out of here. We only like unicorns and rainbows around these here parts when we are talking about someone blowing them out of their ass. I hope you learned your lesson!

luke perry gay or not. Never. And I just know it was a man searching for this information. You can’t have them all, okay? You already have some good ones, like Neil Patrick Harris, Ricky Martin, Rufus Wainwright, and B.D. Wong. Leave some for us.

man that nearly weighed a ton who was on tlc television show. I just like this because of how detailed the search was. I mean, TLC has really cornered the market on “documentaries” about morbidly obese people, so all you’d have to do is type, “TLC FAT GUY” and I’m sure you’d find what you are looking for. This is part of my new life as a library student. Helping people search for things.

Meaghan, P.I…I (Private Internet Investigator).

This Week in Searches

Ugh. Friday. Again. It’s been a real rough week folks. Between putting up with bullshit from guys and dealing with jackals that I work with, I have never wanted to crawl into a hole never to resurface, more in my life. You know what, when I hang out with someone and we have a good time and they drive me home the next morning, I deserve to have them text me back when I inquire about hanging out again. I don’t even care if the answer is ‘no’. Just realize that there is someone alive on the other side of that phone waiting for a response. Ignoring the text, doesn’t mean that I am no longer alive. We also work about a block and a half away from each other and I’ve already bumped into him once before I had texted him. I hope I bump into him again. So I can say, “go fuck yourself, you stupid piece of shit.” I’m sick of this shit! I should take out my tampon and throw it at him. Yes, I am blaming my period for part of my rage right now.

Weekly search time!

2011-09-09 to Today

 

val kilmer 119
jean claude van damme 21
jean claude van damme hot 12
aj mclean 8
cobra sylvester stallone 6
jean claude van damme ass 6
sylvester stallone cobra 5
jean-claude van damme 5
val kilmer shirtless 5
van damme hot 4
robert redford with mustache 4
roy scheider 3
hilarious pet peeves 2
jean claude van damme wallpaper 2
sexy librarian 2
pregnant mermaids 2
ventriloquist’s dummy 2
val 2
roy scheider marathon 2
ventriloquist dummy 2
van damme 2
jean-claude 2
john claud van wordpress 2
half ton mom 2
imagenes de jean claude 2
the woman with giant legs 2
sylvester stallone beer 2
andrea zuckerman 2
jean claude van damme height 2
a.j mclean 2
robert redford hair 2
gwildor 2
sam elliott roadhouse 2
robert redford mustache 2
jean claude van damme dancing 2
headbands that go across your forehead 2
smoking cigarette holder 1
אנדריאה צוקרמן 1
val kilmer images 1
half ton woman 1
jean clode vandame 1
urobe sex 1
njean claude van damm 1
mermaid girl on oprah 1
pics of val kilmer 1
text girl ok ill give you a call this weekened 1
is mandy sellars gay 1
van damme kickboxer splits 1
puppet dummy 1
picture of jean claude van damme doing the splits 1
sylvester stallone beard 1
van damme wallpaper 1
samuel elliott 1
another exciting friday night 1
rainbow unicorn 1
a.j. mclean 1
lifeguard 1976 1
fatty sex 1
mom and dad do sex 1
fotos de val kilmer 1
nkotbsb “nick carter” tall 1
pictures of gwildor 1
imagenes de a.j mclean 1
jean claude 1
val kilmer image 1
madonna cigarette 1
mandy sellars tlc 1
jon kortajarena 1
robert redford 1
pics of cobra sylvester stallon 1
picture of sylvester stallone in movie cobra 1

 

Good lord, Val Kilmer is still in the lead for getting people here. 151 (these numbers might be off, I navigated away from the stats screen and then came back and things were different) searches for him led people to Hilarious and Negative this week. Apparently he has nine projects in the works, including The First Ride of Wyatt Earp. This will probably be amazing! “I’m your huckleberry”! I hope that line gets repeated over and over again for 2 hours. Van Damme is a distant second with 75 searches. I think the fact that he is going to be in the next Expendables movie, is doing this blog a huge favor.

Some of my favorites this week:

People are searching for Gwildor! This warms my heart. Gwildor is awesome. I bet this blog would be even more popular if this were the mid-to-late 1980’s.

Someone was searching for “ventriloquist’s dummy”. I hope it’s not the guy that sent me a message on OkCupid. If it is, I’m kind of scared. Both he and the dummy had a crazy look in their eyes. Like kidnapping and murdering was something that they find perfectly normal.

“headbands that go across your forehead”. All I have to say to the two people that were searching for this particular headband style: Don’t do it. You will look like a jackass and someone like me will write a blog post about how idiotic you look and how annoying you are. Don’t let your life come to that. Plus, it’s going to leave marks across your forehead and dent the back part of your hair. Not a good look. You will look like a schmuck.

“fatty sex”. Yes, fat people have sex. Just ask Manuel.

“mom and dad do sex”. I wonder how this led one person to Hilarious and Negative. I hope it’s not some poor child seeking advice after catching his or her mom and dad in the act. They ain’t getting no comfort or help from this blog.

“another exciting friday night”. Right there with ya buddy.

and my favorite…

“text girl ok ill give you a call this weekened”. YES. And if you do text this girl that you will call her this weekend, actually call her. Don’t just say, follow through. You can do this, it isn’t scary. When you like someone, let them know for Christ’s sake. Don’t just leave it hanging there. Young men of the world, be decent.

I’m watching more episodes of Wings…another exciting Friday night indeed.

This Week in Searches

Friday, yet again. Another long week of work and classes. Although, this week in my Rare Books class I got to see the Gutenberg Bible up close and personal without it being behind class. That was very exciting! What, no one else cares? Very well then, moving on. I also had to work in a group with the hipster version of a lovechild of Gee and Fulton Reed from The Mighty Ducks. I hate that kid so much. The first day of class he was wearing a track jacket, ironically, I’m assuming and A HEADBAND. But it was one of those headbands that go across your forehead like you are attending Coachella. Kind of exactly like this:

 

She was on “The City”…and now she models headbands.

 

It’s definitely going to be a long semester if I have to work with him again.

Now, to the reason why we are all here.

2011-09-02 to Today

Search Views
val kilmer 32
val kilmer shirtless 11
aj mclean 7
hurricane chow 4
val kilmer top gun shirtless 4
hilarious pet peeves 3
sylvester stallone cobra 3
lifeguard 1976 3
woman with cigarette holder 3
cobra stallone 2
empire state building experience 2
stallone 2011 2
sylvester stallone 2
half ton dad update 2
half ton mum teenager 2
alexander james mclean 2
sam elliott roadhouse 1
a.j. mclean 1
the lifeguard movie 1
the movie lifeguard 1
stallone watch 1
“feet bitten off” 1
“cigarette holder” 1
lifeguard movie 1
фингеры 1
dirty sex teen 1
okcupid boston blog 1
tlc mermaid girl 1
whistling pet peeve 1
steven seagal 1
i hate whistling songs 1
val kilmer movies 1
find humor in my misery 1
woman with giant legs 1
val kilmer willow 1
i hate whistling 1
val kilmer as madmartigan 1
whistling as a pet peeve 1
tlc transgender documentary 1
val kilmer top gun volleyball 1
jon kortajarena è gay 1
перст 1
pet peeves whistling 1
fotos de aj mclean 1
sexy librarian 1
pet peeve whistle 1
sam elliott shirtless 1
schmitts gay 1
no whistle zone 1
hilarious negative 1

 

Val Kilmer is this weeks winner, again! He’s responsible for 51 of the visits to this here site this week. Dude has still got it, well either that or we are all nostalgic for the way he used to look.

“Dirty sex teen”  is a slightly disturbing search term. I mean is that a thing? I guess it’s comforting that only one person used that search term. I’m also curious where on my blog it led them. I mean, I’ve talked about sexy librarians, but never dirty sex teens. Maybe this is one of those things that I am better off not knowing.

Another search for that infamous “OkCupid Boston Blog”. After I googled that term, I came across this blog 30 Dates in 30 Days. It looks like she only made it one day! I mean, come on. That’s hardly even trying. The blog is also about a year old. It’s probably best that she didn’t continue with it, she might have wound up like the girl who blogged about her date with a Magic The Gathering World Champion and how she thought he was the worst, based on that fact alone. Obviously, she is the worst. He’s kind of cute and took the whole thing rather well, without sinking to her level. At least when I blog about bad or good (so few!) dates I never put all their information out there. There is a courtesy you give to people when you blog about them. It’s kind of liking talking about people behind their backs!

People. Ugh.

Enjoy your Friday evening!

%d bloggers like this: