Ahmusings

The 98% humorous musings of M. Lizabeth Currain

Tag: lifestyle

The Comeback No One Wants

I’m talking about DAD JEANSAccording to the New York Times, an ever reputable source of trends that we didn’t know where a thing: basically anything that happens in Williamsburg or Bushwick, is letting everyone know that dad jeans are back in action.

“…for those willing to push the envelope, dad jeans are one way to stand out at a Bushwick loft party. Besides, roomier washed jeans provide a flourish of ’90s retro, which is making a comeback for Generation Y in the form of Doc Martens, flannel shirts and wallet chains. Some fashion-forward types even go so far as to add pin rolls at the cuffs, Mr. Thoreson said.”

I ask you all to stop right there and let that digest. DAD JEANS ARE A WAY TO STAND OUT. AT A BUSHWICK LOFT PARTY. You will definitely not be mocked or asked to leave if you show up wearing something you once (and probably still) make fun of your own father for wearing. Definitely not.

The New York Times needs to stop trying to make dad jeans happen. Here are a few examples why:

and

For tips on what kind of jeans are acceptable on this place we call Planet Earth, I direct your attention here.

I Immediately Regret This Decision

I’m going to cut to the chase–I’m supposed to run/speed walk/craw/jog the Marine Corps Marathon in October. How I got here is not important. I take full responsibility for allowing my friend to register me. Although, I didn’t think she was going to be able to, since website for registration kept going down. I was feeling smug because I had done a triathlon sprint just a handful of months before.

With all of that said: I AM SO FUCKING FUCKED.

Reasons Why I Should Not Run a Marathon

  1. I took a long break from running
  2. Due to that long break, I suck at running.
  3. Running sucks.
  4. I’m a few weeks behind on my training plan.
  5. It’s hot and humid outside.
  6. I will die.

Reasons Why I Should Run a Marathon

  1. I bought new running shoes.

You can see my problem. I have FIVE more reasons why I SHOULDN’T do it versus the one that I should. How do I get out of this? Is it too late to back out? Do I suck it up, train as much as I can and drop out at mile 10? What is the etiquette here?

Business Venture

So I’ve decided on a new business venture. And I’m hoping that some of you will help me get the word out. So here’s the plan: I am going to offer critiques of guys OkCupid profiles for a low cost of $10 and a rewrite for $35. Fuck it, for $10 bucks I will prescreen the message you are about to send to the girl of your dreams for anything weird/disgusting/offensive that would potentially turn her off.

I’ve spent a lot of time on OkCupid, read a lot of profiles–mostly bad–and been on my fair share of OkCupid dates. Also mostly bad. I know my way around a profile. I think it’s time that I spread my knowledge around and help those that are struggling at attracting the kind of people they want to. We all know that I’m good at breaking down a profile, it’s time to put those skills to use and not just for my own personal entertainment. There are just so many poorly written OkCupid profiles out there. It’s shocking and gross. Also, disturbing and funny. Now, the point is not to make you a completely different person online than you are IRL (in real life, in case you are reading this before the year 2010). I just want you to help you have a coherent profile that doesn’t immediately turn people off. The internet dating profile is essentially the Elevator Pitch of dating. You basically either hook within the first few sentences or they click on “NakedLunch1981” who happens to be “more adventurous” than you. I can help you with this. I can help make your profile vomit proof. You won’t regret it.

Contact me at m.lizabeth.currain@gmail.com if you’re interested or if you have a stubborn friend whose profile is in desperate need of help.

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