The 98% humorous musings of M. Lizabeth Currain

Tag: martial arts

Vintage Jean Claude Van Damme


Here we are, another Sunday evening! I think you all know what that means…a trip down memory lane. This week’s Vintage Crush holds a very special place in my heart. I present you all with one of the first (of many) loves of my life: Jean Claude Van Damme.


Why yes! I will join you on that diving board!


If that picture up above isn’t reason enough as to why I am naming him the Vintage Crush of the week and for some reason you all need an explanation, here goes: When I was growing up, I thought he was really hot. Is that explanation enough for you?! It’s not? Okay, I’ll try again. I was maybe 9 or 10 when I saw my first Van Damme movie. It was either Bloodsport or Kickboxer. Both excellent films. Both about a foreign-born, American man fighting in some secret competition. In both he has his shirt off a lot. I was easy to please as a kid. I remember really liking his accent and his boyish smile. I didn’t even mind all his high-waist, pleated pants. When I watch the movies now, I find his awful fashions endearing–that’s saying a lot.  In all his (early) movies he came off as the tough, but sensitive type. In Lionheart he was trying to protect his dead brother’s family. I remember being very jealous of the little girl in that movie because she got to hug him a lot. It was unfair! I really wish the internet had been in full effect when I was at peak Van Damme fervor…considering I just spent the past 40 minutes Googling images of him in the name of research. The best 40 minutes of my week!

Just check out these splits! I wanted it to be of him doing splits in his underwear in Timecop, but all the ones I found were not of the highest quality. Van Damme deserves the best!


This should creep me out, but it doesn’t.


Some basics according to IMDB:

Full Name: Jean-Claude Camille François Van Varenberg

Born: October 18, 1960 in Berchem-Sainte-Agathe, Brussels, Belgium

Height: 5’9″

Films/Television: 47 (I just saw on his imdb profile that he is listed to be in Expendables 2!!!!). Also, he wrote Lionheart…all that sentiment was real!

Awards: Um…it’s best not to talk about that.

…and let’s just say that I wouldn’t say no. I know it’s kind of gross, but I mean…he’s Jean Claude Van Damme! Although, I’d insist that he spoke entirely in French. But I’m also willing to waver on that demand. I have a sickness. A sickness that can only be cured by more JCVD!


Twerk it!


Now, I know a lot of his movies post Sudden Death (I’m being generous folks) aren’t everyone’s cup of tea, but at least the man is out there makin’ a buck doing what he loves! He knows what his fans want and he delivers that time and time again. You have to respect his commitment to his art and his followers. However, I think Jean Claude has some acting chops that are rarely utilized. This was apparent when he did JCVD in 2008. He was playing a version of himself, I realize this, but it was gritty, he was able to speak in his native language, and it wasn’t all fight scenes. I think if he really wanted, he could have a career in some dark, foreign, independent films. Hey, Jean Claude, if you need a new agent, I’m available!

I will defend Van Damme in pretty much all situations–that’s how deep my love is for him. This is a guy that built himself up and made his dreams a reality. I applaud that. Just look at how adorable he was while he was makin’ those dreams come true.


Athletic, hipster Van Damme


Also, in case some of you were looking for ass-shots of my boy check out this post over at MNPP. You will certainly not regret it, he has one of the best butts in show biz!

Now, I leave you with a parting gift as always. This clip is one of the reasons my love for Van Damme is so deep. Every fiber of my being tells me I should be embarrassed for him and for myself for liking it so much…but MUSCLES!



Have a great Monday everyone!


Unfortunately, the date went well, which means that I really have no horrible details to share with you all. He seemed to be normal. It’s been a while since I’ve been able to describe someone I’ve been on a date with as ‘normal’. I mean there was the this guy, but he turned out to be not normal when he officially dumped me after one date. At least in my mind that is not normal. I could be wrong though. Most of what I know about dating has been learned from abc family movies. Seriously, abc family needs to hire me, they are missing out on the goldmine of awesome ideas that are in my brain.

He dressed normal. I wasn’t offended by anything that he was wearing, so points for that. Generally, I will dismiss someone fairly quickly if I think their outfit is a little weird…remember him? I can’t help it! The person you are out with is a reflection on one’s self, I don’t want people to think I am a weirdo because the guy I am with is dressed like Steven Seagal on bad (good, maybe?) day.


I wish this were a joke.


He likes Deep Space 9 and King of the Hill; these are obvious requirements for anyone that I plan on going out with. I can’t date a man who doesn’t like television. I mean, what would have to talk about? Injustice in the world, the economy, global warming? I like to keep things light! He liked that I liked Dolph Lundgren and he said I was really funny. Obviously, I’m all about a guy that laughs at my jokes and thinks I am funny. It’s all about me. That’s one thing I learned about dating from abc family. Well that or you completely change yourself in order to get a guy to like you. The latter option I’m not to fond of because that involves work. Although, sometimes I think it would be entertaining to go on a date and be really cheerful, talk in a somewhat high pitched voice, and giggle a lot to see where that gets me. I’m thinking it could either land me in an institution for when I snap because of all my suppressed rage or it could get me a really nice summer home in Cape Cod.

He was just normal. I don’t think I am used to that. He messaged me today to say that he hamd a good time and that we should hang out again soon. I agreed. We’ll see if I think he is normal on the second date or if the novelty of normality has worn off and I can find something wrong with him. Anyone willing to place any bets on that?

I do have a post date subway platform story to share with you all. However, you’ll just have to wait until Monday! I have to keep you guys coming back somehow and if that means being a blog tease, well then, so be it.

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