The 98% humorous musings of M. Lizabeth Currain

Tag: Men

Failed Trainmance

You know what I don’t understand about dating? All the games being played. Right now I’m playin’ a big old game of solitaire.


I just want someone to hold me!


Back in the middle of June, I was making my way from one bar to the next. I was waiting for the train, listening to some jams, and a guy walked by me. He smiled at me and since he was cute and I was feeling particularly good about myself that night, I smiled back. He said, I said ‘hi’, but I seriously doubt that. We kept glancing at a each other and smiling and when the train finally came, we both made our way for the same door. He said ‘hi’ and we both took out our earbuds. He asked me what I was listening to. Of course I wasn’t listening to anything remotely hip or underground. I was listening to Lady fucking Gaga’s new album. Don’t judge me! I bought it on Amazon for $.99. Technically, I didn’t even spend money on it because I had a little over a dollar left on a gift card. So there! I sort of averted my eyes and mumbled, “ughhhh…Lady Gaga”. He said, “let’s switch”.  So we traded iPhones. Of course he was listening to Elvis Costello, making me looking like an even bigger asshole. We sat next to each other on the train and chit-chatted. When his stop was approaching he said, “I’m going to give you my phone number”. I liked that approach because it gave me control over the contacting situation. Also, I hate giving out my number for fear that person will continue to call me and leave voicemails playing Here Without You by 3 Doors Down; true story. His stop came and we said goodbye. I continued my journey with a giddy little smile on my face. I just experienced a real live trainmance.

So the next day I sent him a text: Hey it’s Meaghan, we met on the train last night. Just wanted to say “hey”. He text me back almost immediately say, “I’m glad you didn’t wait to contact me”, followed up by, “Soooo…When shall we hang out? What are you doing this Wednesday night”? And yes I have the text messages saved! I’m a text hoarder. I can’t help it.

We ended up getting together that Thursday. We met up for dinner in Brooklyn. A BBQ place. I was very relieved that he wasn’t a vegetarian. I already hate picking restaurants, it’s just added pressure when they have dietary restrictions. During dinner we were chatting and I asked him where he was from. He said, “Alaska.” My jaw almost hit the table. Of all the people I meet on the train and end up going on a date with, he ends up being from Alaska, Southeast Alaska no less. It was the craziest thing. After dinner we walked around for a bit and he suggested we get ice-cream. We ended up at Junior’s. Do yourself a favor and get the Chocolate sundae with marshmallows. We talked some more and then decided to take the 40 minute walk back to my apartment. While we were walking he said, “I’m going to kiss you”. I was like, “ON THE SIDEWALK?” Ha! Like I cared. Although, making out in public kind of makes me nervous because one time I was at the park making out with a then-boyfriend and a homeless guy yelled, “Get a room!” In hindsight, I should have yelled back, “GET A HOME”.

Anyways, we would kiss periodically on the way to my apartment and when we passed the train station close to my building, I said, “You’re not coming upstairs tonight, so if you want to get on the train now, here’s your chance”. He decided to walk me to my building. We ended up making out in front of my building for like an hour. IT WAS AWESOME. He asked me if I wanted to go out again and I said, yes. He asked if it would be better to text or call, and I said either one. He said, do you want to just make plans now? I said, okay. He said, what are you doing tomorrow? I said, nothing that I know of. So we made tentative plans for the next day. He left and I walked my giddy personage up to my apartment. He text me a couple of minutes later saying, “smiling like a fool on the train”.  Swoon.

The next day he text me and asked about getting dinner and a movie. It sounded like a plan to me. We met a restaurant we ended up not staying at. The movie was called On Tour (Tournée). It was actually really good, I recommend checking it out. Afterward, we walked back to my apartment. This time I let him come up. Ha! He stayed the night. Double Ha! Obviously I do not subscribe to that old adage, “Why buy the cow, when he can get the milk for free”. Slut. It was worth it! I’m grown! I can do what I want!

We texted throughout the week and got dinner and saw The Trip (See this movie! It is amazingly funny and heartfelt) that Friday. After we went to the park and people-watched for a little while and then walked towards the train. I made it very clear that if he came to my apartment there would be no shenanigans because Tampax was taking residence in my vagina at the moment. I basically told him, “so if that was your only reason for coming over, I’m giving you the chance to back out now”. He laughed and understood. We took the train back to my place. We made out like teenagers and then went to sleep.

He left the next morning and we texted each other off and on that week. That weekend I went out of town for my birthday. When I got back, I checked in to see if he wanted to hang out. He said he was “busy that weekend, next week”?  I said, sure and for him to give me a holler when he was all freed up. He said, “will do my dear, sorry. getting ready for a big project”.  Which was true, he was working on some art stuff.

So I let a couple of weeks go by. I didn’t hear from him. I decided to give it one more shot and sent him a text wishing him good luck on his art project that was happening in a couple of days. He responded with: “Thanks darlin! Long time no talk, how are you”? I really had to reign it in. I wanted to be like, “You have my g.d. number. Are your fingers broken”? But I ended up saying, I was good and that my friend was coming into town for the week. I also said that if he was free the next weekend and wanted to hang to let me know. He said, “I’d love to! Lets talk next week, these next few days are insane”.

That was the 29th of July. Maybe he died?

What I don’t understand, is why people just can’t be honest? I mean, if you don’t want to hang out with someone, don’t keep dragging it out with hopeful phrases like, “I’d love to!” I mean seriously! What is the purpose of that? Just tell someone you don’t think it is going to work out! Is that really so hard? It certainly worked for this guy.

This disappearing act needs to stop. Just because you don’t text someone back, doesn’t mean they no longer exist. And it’s depressing that at 26, I can let a guy get to me like this. When does it stop? All I know, is that the only one missing out is him. Fuckin’ idiot. I’m awesome.

I’m turning a new leaf where I don’t give a flying fuck anymore. Those boys on OkCupid aren’t going to know what hit them.

Vintage Roy Scheider

Welcome to another edition of Vintage Crush! This Sunday I present you with Roy Scheider!


Roy circa 1976 in Marathon Man


Why is Roy Scheider being giving such a prestigious honor? Well, I’ve been a fan of Scheider for years. I’d like to say it started with JAWS, but, my first memories of Mr. Scheider was with a little show called SeaQuest DSV. Back in the day I was all about a certain boy named Jonathan Brandis…but when I rewatched the series on Netflix, I found myself digging Captain Nathan Bridger. Obviously because I am gross and like old dudes. So I started furiously adding all things Scheider to my queue. He was quite the looker back in the day! And talented!


The Seven-Ups, 1973. He looks like a hipster!


Some basics according to IMDB:

Full Name: Roy Richard Scheider

Born: November 10th, 1932 in Orange, New Jersey, USA; deceased (Feb. 10th, 2008)

Height: 5’9″

Films/Television: 93

Awards: Nominated for two Oscars; Best Actor in a Leading Role for All That Jazz, 1980 and Best Actor in a Supporting Role for The French Connection, 1972.

…and yes. Back in the day though, cause he’s dead now and that’s wrong.

Why do I have a vintage crush on him? Well, let me present you with two clips. The first is from the movie Marathon Man, which also stars Dustin Hoffman.



Did you see his body? The way he was doing those push-ups?! Damn! Did you see the way he took care of that guy who was trying to assassinate him? I like a man who can take care of business. And did I mention his body? Also, I have a thing for guys with strong noses….and hot bodies.


Clip number two is from one of my favorite numbers of the movie All That Jazz (1979)



I love a song and dance man! The song is also fucking amazing. This movie is actually really great and everyone should check it out.

It’s sad that such a talented actor got relegated to some terrible roles later in his career. Hollywood doesn’t recognize a good thing when they have it. I highly recommend watching some of his movies…but definitely check out SeaQuest; you won’t regret it! It has a talking dolphin!

A parting gift.


That face! So hip, so cool. What a man.


Have a great Monday!

Vintage Crush

It’s Sunday night, it’s still hot in my apartment, and while I have plenty to talk about (I need to save it, for the days when I don’t), I don’t really feel like typing all that much. I am also trying to think about where I am taking this blog. Nowhere is the first place that comes to mind, but also weekly featuretown is another place I might want to move to. I figure Sunday night would be the best for this, the week has ended, everyone is dreading going back to work, and something lighthearted is in order. This is where Vintage Crush comes in.

The first vintage crush that I am presenting to you is Sam Elliott:

Circa 1976

The above picture is from the movie Lifeguard. I haven’t seen it, because Netflix is being temperamental and the availability is “unknown”. I’ve had it in my queue for over a year! Why must they continue to deny my need to see this movie?

Why is Sam Elliott the first Vintage Crush? I just got done watching Tombstone again, and that movie is amazing. But it also made me remember how hot I thought he was in Road House (because I’m gross):

I can’t help it.

and because I’m a freak…

Ha! I am so gross. Sorry guys!

Some basics according to IMDB:

Full Name: Samuel Pack Elliott

Born: August 9, 1944 in Sacramento, California, USA

Height: 6’2″ (I love a tall man!)

Films: 79

…married. I mean, he’s close to 70, but I’d still go for it.

Why do I have a vintage crush on him, you ask? His voice, his once salt ‘n’ pepper – now gray hair, he can grow a kick ass mustache, and his ability to kick hillbilly ass in Road House.  He was in the movie Mask for Christ’s Sake. What is not to love? Plus have you ever seen the movie Prancer? Tugs at ye old heart strings. This man has got it going on. And that is why he is the first to be named a Vintage Crush on Hilarious and Negative.

A parting gift…

You’re welcome!

Look out for more vintage crushes in the future!

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