Ahmusings

The 98% humorous musings of M. Lizabeth Currain

Tag: new york fashion week

Aliza Licht’s Reveal is Definitely the Worst ‘It Gets Better’ Video of All Time.

In dishonor of New York Fashion Week (Feb 9th-16th) I am going to be sharing some fashion related thoughts with all of you throughout the week. As a note, I have a degree in Fashion Design and spent some time working for various fashion companies. It was the worst. I continue to have opinions about fashion, the main one being: Seriously, what the fuck are you wearing? So for the next week don your best headband and enjoy the ride.

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In the worst coming out story you’ll hear this week (straight ladies can’t do anything right), Aliza Licht, senior vice president for global communications at Donna Karan International, has revealed herself as the woman behind @DKNY’s DKNY PR Girl. It only took the New York Times about four months to notice, letting everyone know how slow of a news day it actually was.

“I CAME out on YouTube,” said Aliza Licht, who until recently was known to her legion of Twitter fans only as DKNY PR girl. “Of course, where else would you come out?”

How quaint! YouTube, the internet cat theater, is finally doing some good. I’m sure all 380,000 of her followers bought tickets for the midnight showing of the most self aggrandizing Twitter unveiling of our century.

“Seated at the Four Seasons lobby the other day (her pick for the roaring fireplace), Ms. Licht pondered her next steps. “I’ve never thought of myself as a public person,” she said.”

Really, you never thought of yourself as a public person? Interesting how the word “public” comes right before the word “relations.” Also, Twitter? Really? You’re not a public person, but you’re sharing every detail of your career and how you enjoyed a squished cake pop? Stop trying to sound modest; everyone knows your Fashion 2.0 Award for Best Twitter and Best Blog is practically a Pulitzer.

The whole article is barf-worthy. Let me just pull out some of my favorite quotes:

“Ms. Licht, a 37-year-old mother of two, grew up in the Five Towns area of Long Island, with dreams of becoming a plastic surgeon. It took a summer internship at a hospital to relieve her of that notion. “I can’t wear scrubs every day,” she said, throwing her head back and laughing. “I love fashion too much.'”

I love when people say things like, “I love fashion too much” as a reason to why they can’t or won’t do something. “Oh, I could never be a mathematician, I just love fashion too much.” Yeah, that’s the reason why could never be a mathematician. I know she is trying to sound charming and relatable in this piece about her, but she coming off as some sort of prententious try-hard.

“Her online voice comes across as girlie and intimate (morning routine, weekend mani-pedis and “Gossip Girl” critiques) but knowledgeable. She’ll discuss inner workings under the hashtag #PR101, as in “Attention to detail is everything. The wrong colored binder clip can destroy your presentation.'”

Yes, just what we need more of: grown women adopting a girlie facade in order to get people to pay attention to her. I understand wanting to produce something that makes people feel like they are a close part of your life, but you can do that without undermining your credibility as a professional/grown ass woman. She’s obivously worked very hard for the position that she has and it would be nice for those tweets to reflect that. Instead of hearing how “Listening to @MissJennaB place our 20 person sushi order just now was the most painful thing I have done all day.” Really, that’s the most painful thing you’ve done all day? You’re the VP for Global Communications! Surely you have responsibilities that are equally as painful as listening to a sushi order.

‘”The friends you make on Twitter are real relationships'”

I’m sure they are. I’ve met all my best, fake friends through the internet.

Fashion Week Ruins Everything According to Wealthy Neighborhood

In dishonor of New York Fashion Week (Feb 9th-16th) I am going to be sharing some fashion related thoughts with all of you throughout the week. As a note, I have a degree in Fashion Design and spent some time working for various fashion companies. It was the worst. I continue to have opinions about fashion, the main one being: Seriously, what the fuck are you wearing? So for the next week don your best headband and enjoy the ride.

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Yesterday the New York Times ran an article about Fashion Week taking over Damrosch Park in Lincoln Center and annoying the neighborhood’s inhabitants.

The park is occupied (not by dirty hippies, like that other park) ten months out of the year due to Fall and Spring Fashion weeks, The Big Apple Circus from October to January, and private parties also under ritzy tents during the spring.

“Residents and some members of Community Board 7 said that in the past they had not looked forward to the four-month takeover of the park by the Big Apple Circus, but that they had grown used to it. Their frustration mounted, however, when Fashion Week arrived.

“It was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back,” said Susan Levy, a resident of the Alfred.”

And my personal favorite:

“‘It’s an assault on the neighborhood,’ said Michael Graff, a lawyer who lives in the nearby Alfred condominium tower.”

Forgive me if I can’t seem to find my sympathy for Mr. Graff, who likely paid a million dollars for the condo he currently lives in. Hey, guess what Michael, my neighborhood is loud 24/7 and I don’t have the luxury of being 38-stories above the noise. I sleep with earplugs because the woman above me clomps around like a Clydesdale. I think you’ll survive.

“City officials brushed aside the criticism, saying that Damrosch Park was a hard-surface plaza with few visitors in winter. They argued that residents had ample access to nearby parkland, including Central Park, and said that many thousands of New Yorkers were able to enjoy the circus and the fashion shows.

“Fashion Week generates $865 million in economic activity each year and helps create jobs in one of our city’s most important industries,” said Julie Wood, a spokeswoman for Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg.”

There seems to be a lot of confusion about where some of those funds are being put and the NYC Park Advocates naturally think that the money Fashion Week pays Lincoln Center to use the park space should be put back into the city general fund instead of being used to finance fancy parties for rich people.

If Fashion Week gets kicked out Lincoln Center, where else can it go? Have the residents of the Lincoln Center area ever stopped for a second to think about that? There are literally no parks left for them to destroy if they live Damrosch! Bryant Park has already said, “Hell to the No” about fashion week! Central Park is all like, “Dahling, Fashion Week is for people who don’t know any better.” And Union Square is like, “PICK ME, PICK ME!” And no one likes desperation.

Next year I think it should be, “Honda Fashion Week at Flushing Meadows Park.” Just to wad everyone’s panties while they figure out how to get there.

The Jacket My Date Wore

In dishonor of New York Fashion Week (Feb 9th-16th) I am going to be sharing some fashion related thoughts with all of you throughout the week. As a note, I have a degree in Fashion Design and spent some time working for various fashion companies. It was the worst. I continue to have opinions about fashion, the main one being: Seriously, what the fuck are you wearing? So for the next week don your best headband and enjoy the ride.

So on Saturday I went on a date. He was from the land of OkCupid and I used Whitney Houston’s death as a way to end the date early. What does this have to do with fashion? you may be asking yourselves right about now. Let’s just file this under “things that guys shouldn’t wear on a first date or ever, even if their life depended on it.” This the coat my date wore:

:shudder: I’ll give you all a few moments to process this. I know what you’re thinking, “what does his jacket have to do with what kind of person he is?” And to you, I say this: A lot.

We are in a time where it is perfectly acceptable for a man to know how to dress himself properly. There are magazines, websites, television shows, movies, and countless other forms of media that a dude can get sartorial inspiration from. Do you know that this jacket says to me? Do you know what kind of inspiration I think you had when you picked this out?

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You remind me of a neo-Nazi. You remind me of all the people that weren’t Edward Norton in American History X or Ryan Gosling in The Believer. Because for you, I cannot separate your hideous jacket from somewhat “eh” personality. If his jacket or other parts of his outfit had been better, it might have detracted a little bit from the fact that he was asking me idiotic questions about Alaska (where I grew up) like, “I just saw The Grey. Are wolves like a thing there?” He also kept looking up things on Google on his phone. You’re on a date. Set it aside for a second.

I am not even kidding you when I tell you that I turned the corner and saw a guy in that jacket and immediately thought to myself, “I really hope that’s not him.” And it was. All night I just kept looking at that jacket, crumpled up next to him, wishing I had the ability to set things on fire with my eyes. It was puffy and ill-fitting. There are times and places for jackets like that. I am willing to say that hunting is probably the only place that a jacket like that would be acceptable. Not on a first date in Williamsburg the hippest part of Brooklyn./insert eyeroll. And frankly, since the earth is dying from all the punishment we are putting it through, it wasn’t even that cold out on Saturday. He would have been okay in a nice wool sweater and a scarf.

But it’s winter, he’s just trying to stay warm, you say? Well, I’ve got some advice for all of you guys out there in need of a date/LIFE appropriate winter jacket: It’s called a peacoat. Nothing fancy. You don’t even have to have any fashion sense and you can still look good in a well-fitted peacoat. As Mindy Kaling wrote in her book, “guys need to do almost nothing to be great.” Her words are truest when applied to fashion.

This is the kind of coat you wear on a first date.

Do you think that Ryan Gosling wore that green monstrosity on his first date with Eva Mendes? I don’t think so. If he had, I don’t think they’d be dating. I mean, Ryan Gosling is hot, but that coat green coat is fucking terrible.

Peacoats not your thing? Try a slightly fitted, wool coat, with minimal embellishments. Make sure that the shoulder seams are hitting at your shoulders. I can’t tell you how many people I see with coats a least a size too big for them. This coat below is a nice alternative.

via llbean

So a few things that hopefully you will be taking with you the next time you go coat shopping:

  • Wool is always good. It looks expensive, doesn’t have to be.
  • Peacoats! If they are good enough for Ryan Gosling, they are good enough for you.
  • Slightly fitted coats with a zipper are a nice alternative for the man who thinks peacoats aren’t for him.
  • Make sure the shoulder seam is hitting you at your shoulder. Not below, not above, but at.
  • Navy, black, gray, and brown. You can’t go wrong with these colors. They are fool proof.
  • Stay away from shiny fabric!
  • Take someone with you to buy a coat if you feel like you are completely hopeless.

This shouldn’t really be that hard. You’re an adult. Start dressing like one.

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