The 98% humorous musings of M. Lizabeth Currain

Tag: NYC

Things That One Should Not Do In Public

People should not clip their nails in public. Why? Are you seriously questioning this? What is wrong with you?

It’s disgusting, that’s why. And surprisingly, this is a thing that people do. Maybe it’s because I live in NYC and I take the subway and am surrounded by all types of people. People that never realized that personal grooming is best saved for the home. I even find women who do their makeup on the train obnoxious. It’s a hazard, you could poke your eye out with that eyeliner or rip out all your lashes as you’re trying to curl them. But I digress.


I was on the train heading to work the other morning around 9am and there was a woman standing, leaning against the doors just clipping away. Clip, clip, clip. That’s all you could hear. I’m not really a germaphobe, I mean, I’ve dropped food on the kitchen floor and dusted it off; but there is something about getting things that were once attached to a person, on your personage. Like when you have to clean your roommates hair out of the drain. It’s that same kind of grossed out feeling.

Why would any person think this is a normal thing to do? Do it in your home! Go to a nail salon! But seriously stop fucking doing it on the train! I don’t want your nail clippings in my hair. Or anywhere on me for that matter.

Let Me Count the Ways

That this day was painful.

1. Lack of sleep. For the life of me, I could not get to sleep last night. It was like my brain wouldn’t turn off and I just kept thinking about everything I need to get done, things that I wish would happen, etc. I tried counteracting it by counting. It doesn’t work.

2. It’s raining. By the time I got to work, my feet were soaked.

3. At work, there are a million things to get done. One of the girls that I work with has been out of the office since last Thursday. I’m only there part time. My boss came over and felt it necessary to point out, “These books sure are piling up. Better start sending them out before people start griping.” REALLY? I hadn’t noticed that there were over 70 books that needed to be input into the database and sent out to reviewers. I thought they were for show. You pointing it out, isn’t going to make it get done any faster, especially when people keep adding to the piles and keep giving me other projects that they need completed that second.

4. My lunch sucked. It was a sandwich the size of a playing card and carrots. I need my time back so I can cook meals with leftovers!

5. On my way to class, after work, I almost slipped out of my shoe because they were so wet. I ended up buying a plain black pair of flats.

6. I bought a plain black pair of flats at Urban Outfitters. I try not to spend money there, because they rejected me for a design job.

7. My Tuesday class…I don’t even know what to say about it. I’m not so sure it’s going to be useful.

8. The Q train stopped on the bridge for about 20 minutes.

9. It took almost an hour to get home.

10. I have homework due on Thursday that I only half understand and so far, only half completed.

11. I was supposed to read 70 pages for tomorrow’s class, but I still haven’t gotten that book in the mail yet.

12. I’m still waiting for that guy to email me back!

13. Well, we got to the point where we agreed to hang out again on Saturday. But he hasn’t emailed me back about a time or a place!






Remember when that happened? That was when America’s Next Top Model was still good. I loved watching repeats on Vh1 during the summer.

Well, a similar thing happened to me today! Well, I didn’t fall backward, stiff as a board, but I did faint. On the subway on my way to work no less.

So my morning routine was normal, no hitches.  I had my Fage 2% Greek yogurt with fresh blueberries and blackberries and two turkey sausage links. The turkey sausage wasn’t mixed with the yogurt. That would be gross. My outfit was cute, green shorts and a gray tee; yes, that’s my idea of a cute outfit. My make-up was looking good, I was listening to Marc Maron’s WTF Podcast on my walk to the train as per usual. I love that podcast so much. It’s got so many layers to it. It has the ability to make me laugh and cry. Also, I find myself totally relating to Maron–I’m sure that everyone who listens to his podcast says the same thing. But you know, how when you discover something at certain point in your life and everything that is talked about is everything that you are going through? That’s how I feel when I listen to WTF. I need to send that man some baked goods.

I digress. So when the train finally comes, it’s a little more crowded than normal and it’s running at the pace of a snail because of signal problems. We ended up spending close to 10 minutes just sitting in one station. Eventually the train starts creeping along, I’m standing, holding on to the bar above my head, listening to my boy Maron, and I start feeling nauseous. I get that feeling where you are hot, but you also feel clammy. I’m thinking to myself, don’t throw up on the person sitting down in front of you, just make it to the next station and get off and just wait it out. I’m pretty sure I closed my eyes to try and center myself.

That’s really the last thing I remember until my vision starts fading in from black and I realize I am sitting on the floor of the subway car, kind of slumped onto the guy’s legs in front of me. I was so confused. How did I end up on the floor?! People looked concerned. A lady got up from her seat and the guy who I fainted on helped me up from the floor so I could sit. I was really shaken up by the whole thing. It took me a good minute or two to realize that I had fainted. Nothing like that has ever happened to me before. I think the guy must have caught me enough when I fainted, so I that just crumpled to the ground instead of taking out a whole bunch of passengers on my way down. I kept apologizing to the him, but he just kept asking me if I was okay. He was very nice. Too bad he wasn’t hot! Well, more like too bad he wasn’t previously traveling with his girlfriend who got off a few stations earlier. I faint and the universe can’t even give me the gift of a hot guy catching me? What kind of stupid romcom is the universe writing for me?!

One older lady handed me some tissues. A woman around my age asked me if I wanted her to the get an MTA agent; I declined. Another lady kept checking up on me and when I finally got off at the West. 4th St. Station she made sure I was okay. People were very nice. I was kind of surprised. You see a lot of videos of stuff getting ignored on the subway, so it’s nice to know that there are people willing to help someone in need.

I obviously decided not to go to work and took a cab home. When I got back to my apartment, I WebMD’d myself. I’m blaming my fainting on “intense emotional stress”. I have my reasons. I wish it were drugs and alcohol!

At least I was able to provide some entertainment for the morning commute. I also got a blog post out it. Today wasn’t so bad, I guess.

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