The 98% humorous musings of M. Lizabeth Currain

Tag: NYC

Piña coladas will be the death of me.

So it’s my bff’s last night in NYC. You may be wondering why I am blogging at this crucial moment: We’ve had too many piña coladas and we decided to come back to my apartment so she can drunk pack. We also want to watch The Outsiders, another crucial movie of our youth.

We actually got an early start to our day. Well, relatively early. We took the NYC Water Taxi from the Ikea in Brooklyn to Pier 11 in Manhattan. It’s a fun and cheap way to see the Statue of Liberty. And maybe get meatballs if you have the time to pop into Ikea. The ferry costs $5 if you don’t buy anything at Ikea (free during the weekend) but…we got to ride the ferry for free! Because we are so beautiful and charming! The captain (maybe? He seemed like he was in charge of things) chatted us up and told us we don’t need to wear makeup. That it doesn’t matter. He said, “The next date you go on, don’t wear any makeup. You don’t need it. If the guy has a problem with it, ask for a spatula and smack him in the face with it and leave. Everyone will clap”. First off, I don’t even wear that much makeup. You’ve all seen the pictures from the past few days. That’s the amount of makeup I wear on the regular. I wouldn’t exactly say I cake it on. Second, I’ve slept with guys that have seen me without makeup. I know it’s not a big deal. They don’t care. But let me say this: I’m not wearing it for them. I’m wearing it for myself. I like the way I look with it and it makes me feel polished. You know that feminism card I had to turn in on Monday? Well, guess the f what? I just got it back!

View of downtown from the Water Taxi.

After the water taxi ride, we got a hot dog from a cart. Cheap lunch people! Also, just a tip, all the sodium that is in the hot dog will save you from having to use the bathroom for at least five hours. We ended up walking around for quite a while. I took her to Canal Street–not one of my favorite places, but you know, you do these things for friends because you love them and know that they will enjoy it…even if you hate the very idea of being on Canal Street.

We ended up grabbing dinner with a good friend of mine…piña colada! Well, another good friend, but piña colada was there too. While we were nearing the end of our meal, there was a couple sitting diagonal from us. The man half of the couple was chowing down on some ribs and fries…all while his button down shirt was wide open and his hairless chest was displayed. I guess he thought he was chillin’ in his living room? I mean, who just goes out to dinner at a restaurant and gets comfortable enough to completely unbutton their shirt? He was really going to town on those ribs too. He might as well have been making love to them. Eventually the floor manager of the restaurant came over and told him that he couldn’t have his shirt open. The best part is, he didn’t even button up his shirt. He just closed it enough so that his chest and stomach wasn’t showing. Classy.

This is how I feel about guys who don’t button up their shirts in restaurants:

Oh, subway art! Speaking the words of my heart.

Empire State Building Experience

I know most of you are on the edge of your seats wondering how the NKOTBSB concert was on Sunday. Well, all I have to say about that is: You’re going to have a wait a little bit longer for a post about it. I’m still processing all of my emotions. Seriously. It’ll be worth the wait…especially if you like reading about pathetic, 26 year old women. There will be plenty to read on that front.

So in keeping with the theme of the week, I figured I would fill you all in on how I’m doing as a tour guide.

Another late start to the day! You can’t really blame us…we were pretty tuckered out from our NKOTBSB experience (Trust me, you’ll want to stick around this here blog for that post!). When we finally got going we headed on down to Coney Island. The game plan was to ride some rides, but when we saw the prices, we were both like, “Um, nevermind”. To put things into perspective, it is $6 per person to ride the Wonder Wheel. Now, I don’t know about you…but I’m not so sure that riding a Ferris wheel at this point in my life is worth six bucks. I’ve been on them before. Maybe when I’m rich and rolling in multiples of $6, I will shell out for it.

We quickly ended up changing our game plan to eating Nathan’s Famous hot dogs and bacon cheese fries. You only live once and it is a Coney Island staple, you have to eat there! We walked around on the boardwalk, the beach, and eventually found a photo booth to recreate a scene from our best friend movie. If you don’t know what a “best friend movie” is, it is basically a movie that you watched together a million times, that represents your friendship in some way. Ours is Beaches.

In the movie, the girls meet on the boardwalk in Atlantic City and become fast friends. One scene involves them taking photos in a photo booth…when we saw the booth at Coney Island, we were not passing up the opportunity to recreate these poses!

Shot one!


Shot two!


Shot three!


Shot four!


Here’s how ours turned out:

We are awesome.

This is what happens when you watch a movie at the age of nine…it stays with you. Stays with you long enough to eventually recreate scenes from it. In other words, Coney Island was a complete success.

After that, we hauled our asses to the Empire State Building. This was a first for me. I figured there was no better time to hit up this tourist destination, than when I actually had a tourist with me. We got suckered into springing for the NYSky Ride. It’s a flight simulator that makes it seem like you are “flying” through NYC. If any of you ever visit NYC and you get presented with this option…SKIP IT. It has not been updated since they started doing it. Which was 1995. Seriously. There’s a waiting room video that they show and they mention that the Twin Towers are in the video, because it’s “important to preserve” the memory. I have a different theory. Me thinks they didn’t want to spring for re-shooting the aerial shots of NYC. Also, Kevin Bacon does the narration. I am sure there is more current NYC celebrity that could do this. And it’s looks like it might have been shot on a handicam. Everything in that video is totally 90’s. From the clothing the pedestrians are wearing to the cars you see being driven. Honestly, only spring for this if you want a good laugh and are with a friend that you can make jokes with. I was almost crying I was laughing so hard at how dumb it was.

Then we went up to the Observation Deck on the 86th floor. It was so. crowded. I mean, don’t get me wrong, the view is amazing, but I don’t understand why people need 500 shots of the same section of NYC. Take a few and move on, there are tons of people that are up there and the space is limited. Also, there were tons of dipshits who seemed to be contemplating the meaning of life while they were up there, with long winded conversations about NOTHING, all the while hogging valuable space. MOVE IT ALONG. Yes, everything looks tiny–that doesn’t mean you need to reevaluate your situation in life. Save that for when you are drinking coffee in a diner at 2am, like a normal person.

And another thing. Tourists do not know the meaning of the words “excuse me”. Does the phrase not make it into their luggage when they are traveling? I mean, how hard is it to say, “excuse me”, when trying to get past someone? Instead of shoving past like a jackal. So I guess next time I’m in a crowded place I am just going to do away with “excuse me” and do The New Kids Dance to get people out of my way (skip to about 1:15):

I have no patience for jackalery. There was also this really annoying woman who kept trying to point out the Statue of Liberty. It was dark, you could barely see the glow of Lady Liberty’s flame: Shut the hell up. For like 10 minutes she was trying to point it out. Good lord, if we want to get a good look at it, we’ll look during the f’ing day time! Even her son was annoyed and was like, “I don’t see anything”. I think he would have pushed her off the top if he could have. I know I certainly would have liked to.

Here are some pictures to show you how much fun I am capable of having:



The peak.


Taken with my phone, because my camera sucks and I don’t know how to work the settings.


and finally…

Best Friends 4 Life.


I was also nice enough to take her into one of those tourist gift shops on 34th Street. Even though I was like so totally over seeing “I Love NY” merchandise and commemorative snow globes.

Tour Guide

I think I am shaping up to be a pretty excellent NYC tour guide. I do have prior experience: the summer after I graduated high school I was a tour guide back home. It was whack. People who visit Alaska ask some pretty idiotic questions. For example: “We have these back home and we call them cottonwood trees. What do you call them here”? Um…we call them cottonwood trees. “Oh, really”? Yes. Really. It was one of my more painful jobs. Although it was only like one day a week that we would get a cruise ship in, so really now that I think about it, it was one of my better jobs.

Anyways, I took my bestie to The Metropolitan Museum of Art today. Thank goodness it was open until 9pm. We didn’t really end up leaving my apartment until very, very late in the afternoon. She got the NYC Subway experience of transferring to multiple trains, drunk Yankees fans, a homeless person panhandling, a man singing country music. Really, I couldn’t have planned it better.

I haven’t been to The Met in a while (uh…years?) so it was good to go again. The main reason I took her there is that the admission fee is suggested. So basically you pay what you want. Unlike the Museum of Modern Art where it’s like $20 and it’s not a suggestion. Well, to be fair it’s only $12 for a student. But my school ID still has the Fall 2010 sticker on it, so they’ll think I’m trying to put one past them.

I actually really like The Met. There is a lot to see and I feel like you could go a million times and always see something different. It was also fun going with someone who has never been before–you get to pretend like you’ve never been there before too. It gives you license to take pictures and be excited about what you are seeing. Very unlike the jaded New Yorker you appear to be. The one thing I do not like about The Met or really any museum is when the security people shout at you from across the room that no photography is allowed in certain exhibits. It always happens after I’ve managed to already take like three photos. Once in the Frick Collection, I set off an alarm by getting to close to a painting. I was like, “where is that sound coming from”? And the security guard was like, “You’re too close to the painting. Back away”. I felt like a total lamewad.

We had a lot of fun taking pictures in the Sackler Wing. Pretty much a lot of glamour shots. They had really good lighting in there.

Me and the Sphinx.


This is one of my favorite pieces at The Met:


Venus and Adonis by Peter Paul Ruebens


Secret: Even though I appear to be a glass is just half, cynical kind of person…I am a romantic at heart. This painting gets to me every time. It’s just so captivating. I can’t explain it. I’m a sucker for romance.

Also, this painting became and instant favorite:


Manuel Osorio Manrique de Zuñiga by Goya. Three guess as to why I love it!


Have you had your three guesses yet? Okay, one more. Fine, I’ll just show you!


You have no idea how hard I laughed at this.


I thought the security guard was going to kick me out for laughing. I mean come on! Obese cats are pretty much a favorite thing of mine. And this one is looking at that bird like it is dinner. This painting was tailor made for my tastes.

This is me and my best friend since I was eight years old hangin’ out in front of a fountain outside of The Met:


Some things you just can’t be negative about.


After The Met, we took a brief stroll in Central Park. Then we went to Lombardi’s and had pizza. I am the world’s greatest tour guide. Book your tours now and save 10%.

Also, on the subway ride back, some dude noticed the little Met pin and was like, “How was The Met”? I don’t really know how to respond to that question, because for me, The Met is The Met. So that’s what I said. He tried to be like, “For me it’s a little different”. Who gives a shit? Did I ask? He was with a group of moderately attractive guys. His one very attractive friend got up from his seat and looked at me and asked if I wanted to sit down. I declined and then another guy in this gaggle was like, “We’re getting off at the next stop anyway”. Way to sound like a jackal. Basically, you should have just said: “The only reason he’s offering you the seat is because we’re all getting off at the next stop, otherwise he’d just let your ass stand for the rest of the subway ride”. Just let your friend offer the seat! Don’t give an explanation. Jeeze.

Well, as we are pulling up to their stop, the very attractive friend touches my shoulder and says, “You have very beautiful eyes. It’s hard not to look at them”. I said, “Uh…thanks”. I like how if an ugly guy is creepin’ on me, I’m pretty much totally grossed out, but if he’s attractive it’s suddenly okay. I realize that this is sort of a double standard. But there are plenty of double standards that don’t work in my favor and this one totally does. Let me have this! A girl likes a compliment from a hot, seemingly normal guy sometimes…I’ll hand in my feminism membership card on Monday.

I’ll leave you with this. Because I’m super mature:


What’s Gonzo doing hangin’ upside down in this knight’s pants?

::images of paintings are from the Collection Database portion of the Met’s website::

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