The 98% humorous musings of M. Lizabeth Currain

Tag: pipe dreams

Vintage Jean Claude Van Damme


Here we are, another Sunday evening! I think you all know what that means…a trip down memory lane. This week’s Vintage Crush holds a very special place in my heart. I present you all with one of the first (of many) loves of my life: Jean Claude Van Damme.


Why yes! I will join you on that diving board!


If that picture up above isn’t reason enough as to why I am naming him the Vintage Crush of the week and for some reason you all need an explanation, here goes: When I was growing up, I thought he was really hot. Is that explanation enough for you?! It’s not? Okay, I’ll try again. I was maybe 9 or 10 when I saw my first Van Damme movie. It was either Bloodsport or Kickboxer. Both excellent films. Both about a foreign-born, American man fighting in some secret competition. In both he has his shirt off a lot. I was easy to please as a kid. I remember really liking his accent and his boyish smile. I didn’t even mind all his high-waist, pleated pants. When I watch the movies now, I find his awful fashions endearing–that’s saying a lot.  In all his (early) movies he came off as the tough, but sensitive type. In Lionheart he was trying to protect his dead brother’s family. I remember being very jealous of the little girl in that movie because she got to hug him a lot. It was unfair! I really wish the internet had been in full effect when I was at peak Van Damme fervor…considering I just spent the past 40 minutes Googling images of him in the name of research. The best 40 minutes of my week!

Just check out these splits! I wanted it to be of him doing splits in his underwear in Timecop, but all the ones I found were not of the highest quality. Van Damme deserves the best!


This should creep me out, but it doesn’t.


Some basics according to IMDB:

Full Name: Jean-Claude Camille François Van Varenberg

Born: October 18, 1960 in Berchem-Sainte-Agathe, Brussels, Belgium

Height: 5’9″

Films/Television: 47 (I just saw on his imdb profile that he is listed to be in Expendables 2!!!!). Also, he wrote Lionheart…all that sentiment was real!

Awards: Um…it’s best not to talk about that.

…and let’s just say that I wouldn’t say no. I know it’s kind of gross, but I mean…he’s Jean Claude Van Damme! Although, I’d insist that he spoke entirely in French. But I’m also willing to waver on that demand. I have a sickness. A sickness that can only be cured by more JCVD!


Twerk it!


Now, I know a lot of his movies post Sudden Death (I’m being generous folks) aren’t everyone’s cup of tea, but at least the man is out there makin’ a buck doing what he loves! He knows what his fans want and he delivers that time and time again. You have to respect his commitment to his art and his followers. However, I think Jean Claude has some acting chops that are rarely utilized. This was apparent when he did JCVD in 2008. He was playing a version of himself, I realize this, but it was gritty, he was able to speak in his native language, and it wasn’t all fight scenes. I think if he really wanted, he could have a career in some dark, foreign, independent films. Hey, Jean Claude, if you need a new agent, I’m available!

I will defend Van Damme in pretty much all situations–that’s how deep my love is for him. This is a guy that built himself up and made his dreams a reality. I applaud that. Just look at how adorable he was while he was makin’ those dreams come true.


Athletic, hipster Van Damme


Also, in case some of you were looking for ass-shots of my boy check out this post over at MNPP. You will certainly not regret it, he has one of the best butts in show biz!

Now, I leave you with a parting gift as always. This clip is one of the reasons my love for Van Damme is so deep. Every fiber of my being tells me I should be embarrassed for him and for myself for liking it so much…but MUSCLES!



Have a great Monday everyone!

This is what you missed.

So I promised a post and I’m trying to make sure I put something out so I don’t look like a huge liar or flake.

So I wanted to give all of you readers a little background on what’s been happening with me in the past year. Well…I QUIT MY JOB! Remember, that horrible job I was always talking about? Just go peruse posts in the category “work” if you are unfamiliar, so you can see why that statement deserved all caps and an exclamation point. No longer do I have to clean up human urine! Or be terrorized by customers!

So what am I doing if I was able to escape from a personal hell? Well, I am back in school. I had been thinking about going back for a graduate degree in something for a while, but I was trying to figure out what program/discipline would suit me. They don’t offer a Master’s in hatin’ and bein’ awesome, so I settled for a Master’s program in Library and Information Science. I like libraries, I like information…so the two together can’t be so bad, right?  The motivation for me to send in my application was (along with me needing to get out of the worst job ever) was the movie Party Girl with Parker Posey…

Watch this movie.

Basically, I love Parker Posey, and think she is just about the coolest actress alive. The movie is about a young NYC party girl woman, named Mary, who parties all the time and has run out of money. She goes to her godmother who is the stereotypical librarian to get money and ends up having to work for her rent by being a clerk in the library. Wackiness ensues. I don’t want to give it away, so definitely watch it. It’s even on Netflix Instant!

I was at a crossroads at the time of watching this movie. I knew that I couldn’t work at my job for much longer with out it causing me some serious mental damage…or me causing serious damage to the next fool to ask me for a discount on a $2 shirt. So after watching the movie, I was like, “If she can do it, so can I!” and I mailed my application. I got financial aid and I quit my job in September. It’s probably the best recent decision I have made. It wouldn’t be too hard to win that honor…I make a lot of bad decisions.

Now I am working part-part-time in an office on campus (easiest thing ever!) and intern one day a week in the records and archives department of organization. Classes are kind of boring and there are a lot of group projects–which I hate. I don’t like having to depend on other people for a grade. If someone sucks, they will totally bring your grade down and the only way to avoid that is to do all the work and let the others skate by on the fact that you are much, much better than they are. I’ve met some cool people and I’ve also encountered some super annoying people as well. There is no escape!

I guess I wanted to go back to school so I could try and figure things out, without the burden of being so completely miserable that I can’t think straight. Living off of financial aid is kind of nice…of course it won’t be so nice with the fed’s come knocking at my door for their money back!

Is being a “librarian” my dream? Um…no. Is it something I could do? Sure. Would I rather be paid to showcase my negativity talents? Of course! My secret nerd dream is that I have a career like Parker Posey. That is my dream. Have you seen Spring Breakdown? It’s amazing. It’s also on Netflix Instant. Watch it tonight.

But until then, I guess I can see myself doing this…

One of the best scenes in the movie.

…especially since I already make that face constantly at people.

**picture comes from Rob’s Movie Vault…check it out!

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