The 98% humorous musings of M. Lizabeth Currain

Tag: reflections

Resume Up-sell

While enduring the first “practicum” class, aka, the “you’re paying to work for free class” of the semester we all had to go around the room and introduce ourselves. People were saying where they were interning and other boring information I could give a flying footnote about, when this one young woman dropped a little gem on us all. I was only half listening so I can’t even remember where she was interning, but she said how the internship is a good fit because her, “background is in the retail book industry.”

And then my brain exploded. It looked a little something like this:

I think what she meant to say is: I used to work at Barnes and Noble.

I get it. We all want to make our job seem a little fancier. I used to tell people I worked for a Non-profit, because technically I did; just in the retail aspect. But saying “non-profit” makes me sound like a do-gooder and like I had a job with meaning.

I’ve also been known to upgrade my job title on resumes as well. I believe I turned “Key-holder” into “Assistant Manager”. Solid up-sell! I did all the work that the assistant managers did, why shouldn’t I have the same title?

I also had the habit of quitting jobs soon after I got them for other opportunities. I turned those jobs into “freelance” work. That’s what freelance is all about! Getting in and getting out!

All I’m saying is, if you’re going to lie about working at Barnes and Noble, you might as well really go for it and say that you worked in Publishing or Distribution. Retail book industry, girl please. Come to me the next time you need help tweaking your resume.

This Week in Searches

Well, it’s Friday again! Time to bring to you up to speed on what has been bringing people to my corner of the internet. But since I’m trying to get people to my blog, I might as well write a little bit about Irene.


Dun, dun, dunnnnnn


Currently, I’m busy ignoring all of my Mom’s texts about preparing for Hurricane Irene and it’s impending slaughter of New York City. I’m not in an evacuation zone or any zone at all according to this handy map! I have three big bottles of water and maybe tomorrow before the rain starts pouring down I will buy some beer and hunker down with a good book. I’ve tried sending text messages to boys I like who happen to be in evacuations zones in the hopes of luring them into my apartment for adult fun. I’m just trying to do my part as a concerned citizen! So far my texts are not working. Obviously I am doing something wrong. Anyone out there have any pointers? If all goes according to plan (it’s not a very good plan) I will have stories to relay after the weekend when all this nonsense has died down!


Or I may just have lots of leftover Hurricane Chow.


Now! On to the good stuff:

2011-08-19 to Today

Search Views
val kilmer 6
mandy sellars gay 5
i hate whistling 4
woman with the giant legs 4
aj mclean 4
a.j. mclean 3
anchorage strip clubs 2
half ton teen 2
schmitts gay beer 2
just for laughs negative 2
the woman with giant legs 2
one legged girl 2
worst resume ever 2
mans mermaid 2
half tonne dad 2
schmitts gay 2
“mandy sellers” 2
hilarious pet peeves 2
tiffany vase 2
a.j mclean 1
first time strip club 1
sam elliott road house 1
hard to kill (foto 1
jean claude van damme dancing 1
hilarious and negative 1
sam elliott lifeguard 1
blog okcupid date cancelled mandy 1
what i’ve become 1
just for laughs 2000 1
jon kortajarena boyfriend 1
empire state building my experience 1
okcupid boston date 1
alexander james mclean 1
aj mclean glass 1
half ton man tlc 1
mandy sellars after amputation tlc 1
cray cray 1
tlc girl with giant legs 1
pregnant mermaid 1
is mandy sellers gay 1
finding humour in the everydya 1
madonna cigarrete 1
find humor in school work 1
sam elliott roadhouse 1
fake mermaid tails 1
mermaid oprah 1
chris farley schmitts 1
hilarous pet peeves 1
mandy sellars amputation 2010 1
schmitts gay snl 1


Mandy Sellers is the clear winner this week in bringing people over to Hilarious and Negative. What a gal! Fairly recently, Mandy had one of her legs amputated as it was causing her major health issues. There’s a new documentary about it called, Losing One of my Giant Legs. Whoever came up with that title really went for it. Here’s the trailer for the special…I’m sure it be landing on TLC on a Sunday Night very, very soon.


Let us all keep a good thought for this delightful lady who could also be Stephen Merchant’s double.

Also, two people were searching for Alaska strip clubs. I hope that my blog post about the Great Alaska Bush Company didn’t dissuade them from going. I mean,  I’m not really in any position to be saying which strip clubs are worth patronizing.  Although, I will say that my description of the place was accurate and if they did end up going, they probably didn’t end up pleasantly surprised.

My two favorite searches are “blog okcupid date cancelled mandy” and “okcupid boston date”. The two people that searched for these respective terms obviously went on OkCupid dates and were curious to see whether or not the other person had blogged about them. This is kind of sad…never Google to see if your date has blogged about you. You might not like what they have to say. They either knew the date went south and wanted to see what the other person had to say or they thought the date went really well and wanted to see themselves getting talked up on the internet. That rarely happens! No one ever blogs about a date going really well! What fun is that to read about? Obviously people do not know how the internet works. The internet is full of shit-talkers. We talk shit to feel better about ourselves. This is how the world works!

And to the person searching for “jon kortajarena boyfriend” — do you know something I don’t know? Also, HOW DARE YOU!? That is my future husband you are talking about.


Um. I sort of had to. Too bad he doesn’t need a place to weather the storm…I’ve got room…in my vagina!


All you people in Hurricane Irene’s path, stay safe this weekend!

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