Ahmusings

The 98% humorous musings of M. Lizabeth Currain

Tag: sci-fi

Enough With the Capes Already!

In dishonor of New York Fashion Week (Feb 9th-16th) I am going to be sharing some fashion related thoughts with all of you throughout the week. As a note, I have a degree in Fashion Design and spent some time working for various fashion companies. It was the worst. I continue to have opinions about fashion, the main one being: Seriously, what the fuck are you wearing? So for the next week don your best headband and enjoy the ride.

You know what would go really well with this cape? A Horse.

Let me break it down for all of you: I hate capes.

Every year it seems like someone is trying to make them a “thing”. Just stop it already! No one looks good in capes! You look like a jackal on your way to visit your grandmother’s house in the woods. You don’t look cool.

Wearing a cape lets everyone around you know how hard you are trying to be fashionable…and how awesomely you are failing at it.

I know you’re sitting there thinking, “But I see lots of people wearing capes, and they look kind of cool.”  You just stop with that nonsense right now. I will say this, there is something that the cape does to a normal person’s brain, that makes them think it’s a perfectly acceptable thing to wear. It’s not. First of all, you limit the mobility of your arms. Why would you want to do that? Do you know how much you use your arms for things? A lot. That’s how much. Second, do fucking live in Middle Earth? No. You live in the real world, where capes are dumb. Just accept it.

I once bought a cape at a thrift store thinking I was going to be the toast of the town. I tried it on and was like, “hey, this is pretty neat.” It wasn’t. It was the cape using it’s dark magic on me, making me think I looked cool. Thank god someone I knew gave me a reserved “no” for how it actually looked.

There’s really no way to fight the urge to wear it, except to get rid of it. Which I would suggest doing. Because you look like an idiot.

Today In Searches

I like to check the stats of my blog. Because I like to cry over how many people aren’t visiting during the day. One of my favorite things to look at is the “Search Engine Terms”…you know, those words that you type into Google, that eventually lead you here and then have you scratching your head wondering what you’ve gotten yourself into. I used to do a weekly post on this, but it got kind of tiresome because people were always searching for the same thing: Jean-Claude Van Damme’s ass. I mean, I don’t blame them, it’s a nice ass. And honestly, that search term has brought me a lot of viewers–but I sensed that people were probably getting tired of basically reading the same blog post week after week…for like 4 weeks.

HOWEVER! I couldn’t keep this search term to myself. Today when I was checking my stats, through my tears (seriously you guys, start making me popular!) I saw this gem: Jonathan Frakes Naked !!!!!!!!! I added those exclamation points for effect.

Someone is actually searching for a picture of a naked Jonathan Frakes! I want to know more about this person! Male or Female? Young or old? Strictly just a Next Generation fan? What are their thoughts on Beyond Belief: Fact or Fiction?

But most importantl; Jonathan Frakes naked during his peak?

Or Jonathan Frakes naked now? I guess busy, leisure shirts really get some people going?

Either way, this just confirms that I am writing about relevant topics that people in the year 2012 care about. I win the Internet!!

Frakes photo from: http://tv.yahoo.com/jonathan-frakes/contributor/32367/photos/1

 

 

Vintage Jonathan Frakes

Sunday has arrived! In case any new comers are stumbling on to this blog for the first time, Sundays are the days I troll the interwebs for pictures of older celebrities that I shouldn’t be crushin’ on, but totally am. This week I am presenting you all with Jonathan Frakes!

 

This is before he went all intergalactic lumberjack.

 

I’m naming Jonathan Frakes as a vintage crush, because a while ago I started watching Star Trek: TNG on Netflix to fill a nostalgic hole in my heart. I used to watch TNG reruns after school with my brother for the longest time, it was something we could both agree on. I remember thinking Commander Riker was pretty bad-ass and apparently as a young child, I had a thing for older guys with beards (still do?). Well, upon re-watching some episodes, the burning in my loins for Riker did not dissipate! He’s oddly passionate and stoic at the same time, sometimes he makes jokes; what more could a girl want?

 

Profilin’

 

Some basics according to IMDB:

Full Name: Jonathan Scott Frakes

Born: August 19, 1952 in Bellefonte, Pennsylvania, USA

Height: 6’4″!!!!!! He is ultimate man size!

Films/Television: He’s acted in 79 titles, directed 27 titles (including Roswell!), and has portrayed himself in 28 titles. My favorite is Beyond Belief: Fact of Fiction. I can never get enough of those corny reenactments.

Fun Fact: Apparently he went to Harvard to get a Master’s Degree! Also, according to imdb (reliable!) he is teaching at Rockport College in Maine…I must enroll there.

…and, ehhhh…I’m gonna say ‘no’ on this one. Now he sort of looks like that weird dad down the street that wears Hawaiian shirts. But if I had a time machine, I’d set that thing to 1988 fo’ sho’.

I leave you with the picture below. I don’t know who created it, but it is one of the best things that I have ever seen.

 

I wish I could take credit for this.

 

Enjoy your Monday everyone!

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