The 98% humorous musings of M. Lizabeth Currain

Tag: technology

Just For Laughs

I turned on my old Dell laptop for the first time in ages. Guess what as on my desktop? If you guessed “a mp3 file of the Brotherly Love theme song”, you would be absolutely correct! This theme song is amazing. I remember in high school myself and another girl would just sing it randomly, that’s how awesome it was. And just in case you were completely out of touch and living in a cave in 1995…

That was back when Joey Lawrence, oh! Excuse me, Joseph Lawrence, didn’t look like a wax statue of Mr. Clean:

This is such a weird look.



Clearly, Mr. Lawrence needs to reach out to the folks at Procter & Gamble and work out some sort of endorsement deal.

Moving on to the more important business of the evening. I did some more packing! And that means I came across more random garbage from my past. There is a question on OkCupid that asks, “If you were to die, would whoever goes through your personal belongings be shocked by what they find?” I answered with “Maybe”.  I think they’d be shocked at the kind of lame things that I managed to hold on to over the years. Like a Dell Jukebox mp3 player with a lot of John Mayer on it (Ugh, so sue me! It was the early 2000’s! My body is a wonderland!), postcards and letters that I found while working at a thrift store, old drawings from an art class in college…

That’s what I am really here to discuss. I am by no means an artist. I am fully aware of the fact that 90% of what I draw is terrible. Sometimes I get lucky and something turns out okay, but that happens very rarely. When I was in college, since I was a fashion design major, I had to take a lot of art classes. One of those classes was Fashion Illustration. The name of the class should have really been, “Broke-down Figure Model Drawing”. We were in no way, illustrating fashions; we were either drawing a chick that would fall asleep while posing or one that had no eyebrows. Then we would take those drawings and scan them in to the computer and gussy them up in Photoshop. Bad idea all around.

Drawing Number 1: Beavis as Caesar.

Caesar, is that you?

It is safe to say, that is not even close to what this woman looked like or what she was wearing. Also, you’ll start to see that “no feet” was a common theme in a lot of my artwork.

Drawing number 2: Brian Fellow’s Safari Planet

“The rain forest, that sounds wet.”

This was probably my favorite drawing that I did in that class, obviously because of the flagrant artistic liberties I allowed myself. She was not actually holding a spear and a lion did not eat her feet. The best part of this was when I scanned it into Photoshop, I put her in an African setting and put a lion in the background. My professor was appalled and didn’t understand my artistic vision. I looked for the image on the various flash drives I have lazing about my apartment, but I could find it! I am truly saddened by this.

Drawing number 3: “There’s no crying in baseball“:

Feet! I drew feet!

I couldn’t even begin to tell you what’s going on with this drawing. I am starting to think that I closed my eyes while drawing and just drew whatever was in my mind at the time. The photoshopped version of this, I am pretty sure, involved some Yankee blue stripes and a Louisville Slugger. You may be asking yourselves, “how is this related to fashion illustration at all?” I asked myself that same question all semester long. I’d like to say that my drawing skills got better by the end of the semester, but I don’t think they did. I think I actually started caring less about the class and by the end was just drawing whatever the fuck I wanted.

My professor loathed me. She actually gave me a written warning that I was in danger of failing the class because of my “attitude”, “inability to take things seriously”, and something about how I didn’t care about my future. Boy did she have me pegged! I think she must have ended up giving me that ‘A’  because of my serious talent as an artist.

What did you get rid of?

Yesterday, while biking for 22 miles I started singing “Another Night” by Real McCoy. In case you all need a refresher, here you are:



It got me to thinking. When I was in middle school, I ended up donating the album “Another Night” to a rummage sale. When I was in middle school, I started really getting into British pop and alternative music (except for Backstreet Boys!) and thought I was too cool for Real McCoy. Boy was I wrong. I totally regret getting rid of that album.

First of all, Germans (and Swedes) know how to make pop music. Second, it would have saved me a couple of dollars on iTunes from having to download those songs. Those songs cost $1.29 on iTunes. That is outrageous! If only I had known that I would be longing for the musical stylings of Real McCoy 15 years later.

Also, Mariah Carey’s “Daydream” album ended up at that rummage sale also! Now I am paying for it via iTunes! I honestly don’t know what I was thinking. That album was so good! It had “Always Be My Baby”, “Fantasy”, and “One Sweet Day” on it. That is basically a trifecta of musical awesomeness.

Here’s a little story about the song “One Sweet Day” for you all. When I was in 5th grade, I was convinced that that song was about the Oregon Trail. YES. The Oregon Trail. Yes, that Oregon Trail. The only explanation that I can give for me thinking that is that I was playing a lot of The Oregon Trail video game. I was thoroughly convinced. I mean, I even told people that’s what the song was about. It is clearly, NOT about The Oregon Trail.

I love that the video has nothing to do with The Oregon Trail at all, but yet I was still convinced that Mariah and Boyz II Men were giving a shout out to all those brave pioneers.



“One Sweet Day” is $1.29 on iTunes now! Seriously, if I knew then, what I know now…I would have been able to save myself at least $50 on iTunes by now.

So, my question to all you readers out there, what album did you get rid of, that you now wish you had kept? If only to save yourself $.99 on iTunes?

Failed Trainmance

You know what I don’t understand about dating? All the games being played. Right now I’m playin’ a big old game of solitaire.


I just want someone to hold me!


Back in the middle of June, I was making my way from one bar to the next. I was waiting for the train, listening to some jams, and a guy walked by me. He smiled at me and since he was cute and I was feeling particularly good about myself that night, I smiled back. He said, I said ‘hi’, but I seriously doubt that. We kept glancing at a each other and smiling and when the train finally came, we both made our way for the same door. He said ‘hi’ and we both took out our earbuds. He asked me what I was listening to. Of course I wasn’t listening to anything remotely hip or underground. I was listening to Lady fucking Gaga’s new album. Don’t judge me! I bought it on Amazon for $.99. Technically, I didn’t even spend money on it because I had a little over a dollar left on a gift card. So there! I sort of averted my eyes and mumbled, “ughhhh…Lady Gaga”. He said, “let’s switch”.  So we traded iPhones. Of course he was listening to Elvis Costello, making me looking like an even bigger asshole. We sat next to each other on the train and chit-chatted. When his stop was approaching he said, “I’m going to give you my phone number”. I liked that approach because it gave me control over the contacting situation. Also, I hate giving out my number for fear that person will continue to call me and leave voicemails playing Here Without You by 3 Doors Down; true story. His stop came and we said goodbye. I continued my journey with a giddy little smile on my face. I just experienced a real live trainmance.

So the next day I sent him a text: Hey it’s Meaghan, we met on the train last night. Just wanted to say “hey”. He text me back almost immediately say, “I’m glad you didn’t wait to contact me”, followed up by, “Soooo…When shall we hang out? What are you doing this Wednesday night”? And yes I have the text messages saved! I’m a text hoarder. I can’t help it.

We ended up getting together that Thursday. We met up for dinner in Brooklyn. A BBQ place. I was very relieved that he wasn’t a vegetarian. I already hate picking restaurants, it’s just added pressure when they have dietary restrictions. During dinner we were chatting and I asked him where he was from. He said, “Alaska.” My jaw almost hit the table. Of all the people I meet on the train and end up going on a date with, he ends up being from Alaska, Southeast Alaska no less. It was the craziest thing. After dinner we walked around for a bit and he suggested we get ice-cream. We ended up at Junior’s. Do yourself a favor and get the Chocolate sundae with marshmallows. We talked some more and then decided to take the 40 minute walk back to my apartment. While we were walking he said, “I’m going to kiss you”. I was like, “ON THE SIDEWALK?” Ha! Like I cared. Although, making out in public kind of makes me nervous because one time I was at the park making out with a then-boyfriend and a homeless guy yelled, “Get a room!” In hindsight, I should have yelled back, “GET A HOME”.

Anyways, we would kiss periodically on the way to my apartment and when we passed the train station close to my building, I said, “You’re not coming upstairs tonight, so if you want to get on the train now, here’s your chance”. He decided to walk me to my building. We ended up making out in front of my building for like an hour. IT WAS AWESOME. He asked me if I wanted to go out again and I said, yes. He asked if it would be better to text or call, and I said either one. He said, do you want to just make plans now? I said, okay. He said, what are you doing tomorrow? I said, nothing that I know of. So we made tentative plans for the next day. He left and I walked my giddy personage up to my apartment. He text me a couple of minutes later saying, “smiling like a fool on the train”.  Swoon.

The next day he text me and asked about getting dinner and a movie. It sounded like a plan to me. We met a restaurant we ended up not staying at. The movie was called On Tour (Tournée). It was actually really good, I recommend checking it out. Afterward, we walked back to my apartment. This time I let him come up. Ha! He stayed the night. Double Ha! Obviously I do not subscribe to that old adage, “Why buy the cow, when he can get the milk for free”. Slut. It was worth it! I’m grown! I can do what I want!

We texted throughout the week and got dinner and saw The Trip (See this movie! It is amazingly funny and heartfelt) that Friday. After we went to the park and people-watched for a little while and then walked towards the train. I made it very clear that if he came to my apartment there would be no shenanigans because Tampax was taking residence in my vagina at the moment. I basically told him, “so if that was your only reason for coming over, I’m giving you the chance to back out now”. He laughed and understood. We took the train back to my place. We made out like teenagers and then went to sleep.

He left the next morning and we texted each other off and on that week. That weekend I went out of town for my birthday. When I got back, I checked in to see if he wanted to hang out. He said he was “busy that weekend, next week”?  I said, sure and for him to give me a holler when he was all freed up. He said, “will do my dear, sorry. getting ready for a big project”.  Which was true, he was working on some art stuff.

So I let a couple of weeks go by. I didn’t hear from him. I decided to give it one more shot and sent him a text wishing him good luck on his art project that was happening in a couple of days. He responded with: “Thanks darlin! Long time no talk, how are you”? I really had to reign it in. I wanted to be like, “You have my g.d. number. Are your fingers broken”? But I ended up saying, I was good and that my friend was coming into town for the week. I also said that if he was free the next weekend and wanted to hang to let me know. He said, “I’d love to! Lets talk next week, these next few days are insane”.

That was the 29th of July. Maybe he died?

What I don’t understand, is why people just can’t be honest? I mean, if you don’t want to hang out with someone, don’t keep dragging it out with hopeful phrases like, “I’d love to!” I mean seriously! What is the purpose of that? Just tell someone you don’t think it is going to work out! Is that really so hard? It certainly worked for this guy.

This disappearing act needs to stop. Just because you don’t text someone back, doesn’t mean they no longer exist. And it’s depressing that at 26, I can let a guy get to me like this. When does it stop? All I know, is that the only one missing out is him. Fuckin’ idiot. I’m awesome.

I’m turning a new leaf where I don’t give a flying fuck anymore. Those boys on OkCupid aren’t going to know what hit them.

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