Ahmusings

The 98% humorous musings of M. Lizabeth Currain

Tag: updates

This Week in Searches

Blah, it’s another exciting Friday. I need to break out of this funk I am in. But it’s raining, so I am using that as my excuse as to why I am in on a Friday night. I mean, I am 26 and single! I should be living it up on the streets of New York. I guess that’s not how I roll? I don’t know. I just looked at my post from last Friday…it was raining then too! The world is conspiring against me going out, kicking up my heels, and having a good time. For shame!

Anywhoo, here’s what you all came for. Or maybe not. I keep this up because it forces me to post and not give into my natural urge to lay on my couch and watch the rest of Wings.

2011-09-23 to Today

Search Views
val kilmer 53
sylvester stallone cobra 31
jean claude van damme 25
jean claude van damme hot 20
jean claude van damme naked 19
cobra sylvester stallone 15
aj mclean 9
sylvester stallone in cobra 8
gwildor 8
val kilmer shirtless 5
alexander james mclean 5
jean-claude van damme 5
jean claude van damme ass 5
lisa frank 4
hilarious pet peeves 4
sylvester in cobra 3
sam elliott roadhouse 3
robert redford 3
jean-claude van damme nude 3
jean claude van damme underwear 3
cobra stallone 3
jean claude van damme nude 3
van damme split 3
jean claude vandamme 3
sly stallone 3
jean claude van damme doing splits 3
robert redford mustache 3
tim daly 2
bd wong 2
jean claude van damme movies 2
jean claude van dam nude 2
val kilmer’s 2
a. j. mclean 2
stallone in shades 2
half ton mom tlc 2
jean claude van dam 2
sylvester stallone in cobra pics 2
mermaid tail 2
silvester stallone cobra 2
kobra sylvester stallone 2
jean claude van damme blood sport 2
naked van damme 2
cobra+sylvester 2
mermaid tails 2
jean claude van damme kickboxer 2
one ton dad 2
val kilmer no shirt 2
my robert redford hair 2
ton mom 2
hilarious and negative 1
mermaid pregnant 1
jean claude van damme height 1
schmitts gay 1
masters of the universe movie gwildor 1
tim daly 2011 emmy’s 1
jean claude van damme foto 1
jean claude van damme split 1
nkotbsb bell biv devoe 1
van damme films 1
jean claude van dame nude 1
jean claude van damme in underwear 1
redford out of africa 1
sylvester stallone picture in cobra 1
jean claude van damme dancing 1
jean-claude 1
silvestre stallone cobra 1
stallone cobra 1
jean claude van damme bum 1
silvester stalone cobra 1
shannen doherty 1
luke perry+surfing 1
new jackie chan 1
lisa frank wallpapers 1
val kilmer in top gun shirtless pics 1
vandamme naked 1
vintage jean claude van damme nudes 1
biehn 1
robert redford foto 1
the lady with the giant legs on tlc 1
jean claude van damme love 1
val kilmder 1
i hate whistling 1
splits jean claude 1
jean-claude van damme native language 1
cobra sly stallone 1
jean claude van dame hot 1
marathon man scheider 1
best strip club anchorage 1
pic no whistling 1
van damme wallpaper 1
tlc half ton dad 1
jonathan frakes imdb 1
split jean claude van damme 1
jean.claude.naked 1
sexy librarian 1
half ton dad update 1
кобра сталоне 1
van damme hot 1
splits jean-claude 1
jonathan frakes 1
the woman with the giant legs 1
sylvester stallone kobre 1
jean claude van damme diving board 1
rocky 1 sylvester stallone 1
no whistling zone 1
slyvester stallone cobra 1
jean claude van damme + height 1
john claude van damme doing splits 1
negative hilarious 1
van damme naked 1
a.j.mclean 1
val kilmer 2011 1
“jean claude van damme” naked 1
sylvester stallone kobra 1
luke perry 1

 

Wow. 42 people this week were looking for Jean Claude Van Damme in various states of undress. From just his underwear to his naked ass. I’m not surprised, it’s a nice ass. (Um…NSFW below!)

 

 

Picture courtesy of My New Plaid Pants

 

But come on you guys! He’s not a piece of meat! He’s a man, with feelings and thoughts. He definitely wouldn’t want us all sitting around our computers giggling about how hot is ass is. Ha! Who am I kidding? That’s all he wants us doing! Continue to titter away, internet!

jonathan frakes imdb What I love about this, is the person who typed this into a search engine, probably could have saved themselves like a fraction of a nano-second by just going to IMDB. I kind of hate it when people type a web-address into a search engine. That is what the address bar is for! Do people not know how to use the internet?! It’s been around for a while now, there are no excuses anymore. In one of my classes during my first semester of grad school, I sat next to a woman who tried to type an email address into the address bar. She also emailed the tech tutor to find out what a ‘web browser’ was. Of course she was in my group! The worst of it was that she tried showing me pictures of her kids. Take that nonsense elsewhere…I do not care about your children.

hilarious and negative and negative hilarious When I see this in the search terms, I like to pretend that my blog has a following. That people are reading this and then telling their friends, “oh hey, there’s this really cool blog out there called ‘Hilarious and Negative’, you should totally check it out. The chick who writes it, is so fucking hilarious and hot, I have no idea why she is single and hasn’t been snatched up by Ryan Gosling yet.” In fact, I’m pretty sure that’s how that is said every time. By me. Into my mirror in the morning.

Maybe tomorrow I’ll do something. Like go to a bar and buy an attractive stranger a drink. Or maybe I’ll just sit at home staring at my computer screen with a deadness behind my eyes, wondering what my life is becoming.

This Week in Searches

Ugh. Friday. Again. It’s been a real rough week folks. Between putting up with bullshit from guys and dealing with jackals that I work with, I have never wanted to crawl into a hole never to resurface, more in my life. You know what, when I hang out with someone and we have a good time and they drive me home the next morning, I deserve to have them text me back when I inquire about hanging out again. I don’t even care if the answer is ‘no’. Just realize that there is someone alive on the other side of that phone waiting for a response. Ignoring the text, doesn’t mean that I am no longer alive. We also work about a block and a half away from each other and I’ve already bumped into him once before I had texted him. I hope I bump into him again. So I can say, “go fuck yourself, you stupid piece of shit.” I’m sick of this shit! I should take out my tampon and throw it at him. Yes, I am blaming my period for part of my rage right now.

Weekly search time!

2011-09-09 to Today

 

val kilmer 119
jean claude van damme 21
jean claude van damme hot 12
aj mclean 8
cobra sylvester stallone 6
jean claude van damme ass 6
sylvester stallone cobra 5
jean-claude van damme 5
val kilmer shirtless 5
van damme hot 4
robert redford with mustache 4
roy scheider 3
hilarious pet peeves 2
jean claude van damme wallpaper 2
sexy librarian 2
pregnant mermaids 2
ventriloquist’s dummy 2
val 2
roy scheider marathon 2
ventriloquist dummy 2
van damme 2
jean-claude 2
john claud van wordpress 2
half ton mom 2
imagenes de jean claude 2
the woman with giant legs 2
sylvester stallone beer 2
andrea zuckerman 2
jean claude van damme height 2
a.j mclean 2
robert redford hair 2
gwildor 2
sam elliott roadhouse 2
robert redford mustache 2
jean claude van damme dancing 2
headbands that go across your forehead 2
smoking cigarette holder 1
אנדריאה צוקרמן 1
val kilmer images 1
half ton woman 1
jean clode vandame 1
urobe sex 1
njean claude van damm 1
mermaid girl on oprah 1
pics of val kilmer 1
text girl ok ill give you a call this weekened 1
is mandy sellars gay 1
van damme kickboxer splits 1
puppet dummy 1
picture of jean claude van damme doing the splits 1
sylvester stallone beard 1
van damme wallpaper 1
samuel elliott 1
another exciting friday night 1
rainbow unicorn 1
a.j. mclean 1
lifeguard 1976 1
fatty sex 1
mom and dad do sex 1
fotos de val kilmer 1
nkotbsb “nick carter” tall 1
pictures of gwildor 1
imagenes de a.j mclean 1
jean claude 1
val kilmer image 1
madonna cigarette 1
mandy sellars tlc 1
jon kortajarena 1
robert redford 1
pics of cobra sylvester stallon 1
picture of sylvester stallone in movie cobra 1

 

Good lord, Val Kilmer is still in the lead for getting people here. 151 (these numbers might be off, I navigated away from the stats screen and then came back and things were different) searches for him led people to Hilarious and Negative this week. Apparently he has nine projects in the works, including The First Ride of Wyatt Earp. This will probably be amazing! “I’m your huckleberry”! I hope that line gets repeated over and over again for 2 hours. Van Damme is a distant second with 75 searches. I think the fact that he is going to be in the next Expendables movie, is doing this blog a huge favor.

Some of my favorites this week:

People are searching for Gwildor! This warms my heart. Gwildor is awesome. I bet this blog would be even more popular if this were the mid-to-late 1980’s.

Someone was searching for “ventriloquist’s dummy”. I hope it’s not the guy that sent me a message on OkCupid. If it is, I’m kind of scared. Both he and the dummy had a crazy look in their eyes. Like kidnapping and murdering was something that they find perfectly normal.

“headbands that go across your forehead”. All I have to say to the two people that were searching for this particular headband style: Don’t do it. You will look like a jackass and someone like me will write a blog post about how idiotic you look and how annoying you are. Don’t let your life come to that. Plus, it’s going to leave marks across your forehead and dent the back part of your hair. Not a good look. You will look like a schmuck.

“fatty sex”. Yes, fat people have sex. Just ask Manuel.

“mom and dad do sex”. I wonder how this led one person to Hilarious and Negative. I hope it’s not some poor child seeking advice after catching his or her mom and dad in the act. They ain’t getting no comfort or help from this blog.

“another exciting friday night”. Right there with ya buddy.

and my favorite…

“text girl ok ill give you a call this weekened”. YES. And if you do text this girl that you will call her this weekend, actually call her. Don’t just say, follow through. You can do this, it isn’t scary. When you like someone, let them know for Christ’s sake. Don’t just leave it hanging there. Young men of the world, be decent.

I’m watching more episodes of Wings…another exciting Friday night indeed.

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